Calvin and Hobbes IV: Retro Chill REWRITTEN
by garfieldodie
Summary: Something is moving in the dark. It works us like its puppets. It feeds on the cycle. But the cycle is broken. It needs a new source. Events are put into motion. Meanwhile, Calvin's two greatest enemies are united in an effort to finally destroy him. The final chronological tale in mine and Swing123's story is ready to be told. COMPLETE
1. It Must Be Summer

**Author's Notes: **_And we're back! Time for the grand finale! _

_The story's not finished being written yet, but it's more than halfway there, so we've got a pretty good buffer going. Figured those of you who have been patient enough to stick with us had waited long enough! We hope you enjoy the rewritten version of _Retro Chill_!  
_

* * *

It shifted in the background, always there, always watching.

It never did anything unless it had to. A nudge here. A tweak there. Just to keep the series going. Creating an unbreakable cycle that it could live off of for all eternity. It was content to just exist and let them do their thing.

But then, it all started to go wrong, when time started moving again.

When that dratted boy decided he was ready to grow up.

When they decided it was time to face reality.

Now, there were too many variables. Too many things breaking the cycle.

Rupert was becoming increasingly desperate to win. Earl now saw how dangerous he was.

Retro was back in the battle again, believing all this was some fantasy brought to life.

Dr Brainstorm was beginning to notice he wasn't about to rule the world anytime soon.

Calvin was now seven years old and about to embark on second grade, allowing life to age him naturally.

The status quo was broken.

And it was no good. It needed to ensure that it still had something to live off of.

So it devised a scenario. For the first time, it decided it was time to interfere more directly. A few bad dreams here. A few technical glitches there. A teleporter didn't work right. An escape from an alien planet was allowed. A pod headed for a prison planet was altered.

The final game was to be played.

* * *

"Awwwww, come on! Just one more game!" Calvin wailed.

Hobbes eyed him critically. "No more," he grunted. "We've had enough."

"Yeah, I can only come home covered in so many smudges before my parents start to think I'm in danger of going to monster truck rallies," Andy agreed.

Calvin grunted and kicked a pebble with his foot, looking around his backyard. They'd been playing Calvinball for the better part of the day in the hot sun, and it was beginning to be too much for even them. Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates all lay in a heap on the ground, their black masks at odd angles, hopelessly out of breath and sweltering in the heat.

Around them were a scattering of wickets, badmintons, tennis rackets, baseball bats and spent water balloons. It had been a heated game. Every man for himself. But no one was altogether certain who had won. This wasn't an odd occurrence, but when even Calvinball becomes too nonsensical to truly enjoy, it was time to call it a day.

Not that Calvin would ever admit that. He grumbled behind his own slipshod mask and pouted. "You bunch of sissies," he snorted. "Giving up before things got interesting."

Sherman snorted from atop the pile of friends. "Beg your pardon, dear boy," he said, "but if you don't consider it 'interesting' when a certain someone is willing to bet his entire college savings on whether or not he can reach the score of 'bookle' by throwing a volleyball over six trees into a gopher hole, I'd like to know what _is_."

Andy snorted, offended. "Hey, I would've made it if it hadn't been for that crosswind!"

Socrates lifted his head. For once, the hyperactive tiger was too tired for his usual off-the-wall shenanigans. "I vote we all take a group nap right here in this very spot."

"Sounds like a plan," agreed Hobbes.

"Ugh," grunted Andy. "How can anyone sleep under that sun when it's so busy pummeling us?"

"Grow yourself a full body of fur," replied Sherman. "Then you'll know true heat."

Calvin growled. "Just listen to yourselves! The end of the summer vacation is upon us! This is my last week before school starts again! How can we just sit around and do nothing?! We should be trying to squeeze as much fun as possible out of it before I'm forced back into a desk to listen to some teacher yak all day about why I'm not supposed to have fun as an adult!"

Hobbes gave him a disdainful look as he dragged himself out of his friend-pile. "Look, you've been trying to cram as much fun as you can in before school starts, but you're in such a panic over having fun, you're not actually _having _fun."

"Nonsense! I'm having fun! I'm having _all _the fun! Fun squared! Cubed! I'm just…" He trailed off, hoping he'd think of something. "It's just hard to have all the fun you can when you keep running out of _time_! Stupid time keeps moving forward! If only I hadn't let the timeline start running at normal speed again! It's all your fault, Hobbes!"

Hobbes blinked. "_My _fault? How did this become _my _fault?"

"You didn't stop me! I had the power of time and space in my hand, and instead of wiping school from the face of existence, you let me start getting older! What were you thinking?!"

"I was thinking, 'gosh, how mature of my friend to decide that it was time to start getting older and face the future like a man'."

"Well, _that _should've tipped you off that something was wrong! Now I'm trying to have as many happy memories that I can before it's too late!"

"Oh, please. You'd be doing the exact same thing whether time was moving or not. For the last thirty-something years, right before first grade started up again, you'd be panicking about summer being almost over and trying to 'cram more fun' before the week was up."

"Hmph! Well, if you're just going to bring up the past like some kind of _jerk_…"

Sherman rolled his eyes at the argument. "Calvin, you're just experiencing ager's remorse. You're aging, and you're panicked about it. Mortality is weighing down upon you."

Calvin glared at him. "Is this the part where I feel better yet?"

Andy cleared his throat. "What he means is, you need to stop and just enjoy life for what it is. Life is coming, whether you like it or not. You can either run from it, or you can just kick back, drink some criminally over-priced bottled water and let it come."

"Yeah," agreed Socrates. "Time to relax. Time to chill. Time to mentally plan who's going to be the next person you dump a gallon of mustard on." They all looked at him in bemusement. "Or am I the only one who does that?"

"How am I supposed to chill with all this stress weighing down on me?" Calvin demanded. "How can I relax when every single second just keeps ticking away like it's nothing?"

Hobbes thought for a moment before remembering something. "Well… if it helps, maybe we could just… preserve a single second."

"Huh?"

"Time pauser?"

Calvin remembered the little plastic device that used to be a top spinner and pulled it out of his pocket. Small, handheld, bright yellow with a red button…

* * *

They all walked out into the middle of a field around the base of Sneer Hill. It was a big wide open space full of tall grass. Perfect for doing nothing in. They all grouped together, taking in the scenery.

"Gosh, you can almost hear yourself think out here," remarked Andy.

"Feels weird being away from all my technology," added Sherman.

Socrates looked up from his smartphone. "Oh, were we supposed to not have these?"

"Put it away, Socrates," admonished Hobbes. "We're not going to be chat-snapping or whatever out here. Time for some relaxation in a truly peaceful environment."

"Whatever we're going to do, let's do it quickly," Calvin snapped. "The seconds are ticking."

He held out the Time Pauser, and they all reached forward and put a hand – or paw – on it. His thumb pressed the button, and they all felt the shockwave wash over them and spread all over the landscape. The wind stopped blowing. The tall grass stopped swaying. Some birds froze in mid-flight. The insects stopped chirping.

The five of them stood in the field, taking in the silence.

"Well!" Socrates said at last. "Just as well we're not using phones. Can't get any Wi-Fi signals here anyway."

"Oh, _darn_," Andy drawled.

"Well, here we are," Hobbes said. "One single second of time, preserved for our comfort. No more ticking and tocking. Time is ours."

Calvin looked around at the frozen scenery, nodding slowly. "Yeah… Yeah, I guess it is. We've finally got time right where we want it. We could live in this single second all we want. Not getting any older. No more conflict. No more anxiety. No more reasons to run around in blind panic. Just sit back and enjoy, gentlemen."

They all sat down in the tall grass, trying to situate it comfortably when it was frozen. They had to really force the grass down as it was like sleeping on a bed of nails when it was stuck in position. The air in the frozen second was staler than they were expecting, too. Not refreshing at all.

Still, they all tried it out. They weren't sure how long for, and there was really no way to check.

Also, there were no sounds. Absolutely nothing. It was dead silent right now.

They all lied on their backs for a while, but with absolutely no noise, it was difficult to relax. They were too unsettled, which just made them all look around anxiously, like something was about to attack them.

This is what horror movies have done to us, people.

Calvin sat up. "This stinks."

"Terribly," agreed Sherman.

"I miss my texts!" Socrates grunted.

They all crawled over to Calvin, who held out the Time Pauser, and they all grabbed hold as he once again pressed the button, and time slowly started up again. The grass became softer, the birds resumed flying and the bugs buzzed around them.

"Well!" said Andy. "That was a wash."

"Yeah, it's not much fun enjoying peace and quiet when it's one hundred percent peaceful and quiet," agreed Calvin.

Hobbes shrugged. "Well, we tried," he said. "Guess we'll just have to enjoy summer the old-fashioned way."

"… Yeah, I guess we will…"

Hobbes patted him on the shoulder. "Come on, little buddy. I know the future is a scary place, but I find that thinking about other things helps you to cope with it."

"Such as?"

"Well, for starters… we could try leaving this field before we get eaten alive by the various blood-sucking parasites living within it."

"Yeah, I'm probably going to need a flea collar by the time this is over," agreed Socrates, already scratching at himself.

Slapping at the little black specks moving around on their bodies, the group turned and fled the field.

"We couldn't have done this in your backyard?!" Andy yelped.

* * *

Speaking of Calvin's backyard, his mother was currently standing on the back porch, observing her son from a distance. She saw him with Andy, and they were carrying around two stuffed tigers, and there was a hamster on Andy's shoulder. She squinted her eyes at them, but nothing changed. That's all she saw. And normally, that would've been fine, because that's all she would have expected to see.

But now, she didn't know. Not anymore.

Everything she thought she knew about her son had been put into question after their latest camping trip. The camping trip from a couple weeks ago where nothing particularly out of the ordinary happened.

Other than a dream she'd had where they'd all been attacked by a mad scientist with a great big machine, only to be saved by Calvin and his stuffed tiger – except the stuffed tiger came to life and started walking and talking like any human would.

It was only a dream, of course. A ridiculous impossible dream.

But her husband had had it, too. The same dream with a walking talking Hobbes, an intelligent hamster, another tiger, a spaceship, two little aliens, a device that froze time with a device that froze objects in ice. It didn't make a lick of sense, but they'd had that same dream on the same night, and they remembered the conversations had and explanations given.

It _had _to be a dream, though, right? Because there was no way any of it could have been true.

But what if that was just their brains trying to cope with the reality of it?

She was snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the front door shut, and she went inside to greet Calvin's father as he came inside from work, putting his briefcase and hat away. They greeted each other and kissed before heading for the kitchen.

"What's Calvin up to?" he asked.

"Playing with Andy on the hill…"

"Oh, good."

"Yeah… with Hobbes… and the other tiger… and the hamster."

Dad nodded. "Same as always."

"I know. It's just… I keep thinking about that dream…"

"Dear, we've discussed this. It _had _to have been a dream. I mean, Calvin's stuffed animal suddenly morphing into a real-life living being is ridiculous."

"I know, I know, but it's so weird. I could swear I've seen him more than once."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, one night after we got home, I heard the TV on in the living room. I thought Calvin had snuck downstairs again, so I went to turn it off… Except he wasn't there. Hobbes was."

"So he left Hobbes on the couch and the TV on."

"Hobbes was eating chips."

"… He was what?"

"He was eating chips, _and _we had a very pleasant conversation."

Dad blinked. "Well… that must've been a dream, too."

"But what if it wasn't? I mean… I know it's crazy, but what if it's all true? What if it's always been true? That Hobbes is a real tiger, and we've just been too blind to see it? And if it's true, what does that make Calvin if he's the only one who _can_?"

Dad put his hands on her shoulders. "Dear, calm down. There's no sense in panicking about this. No reason to get scared."

Mom nodded. "I suppose you're right… I mean, if Hobbes was dangerous, he would've eaten Calvin a long time ago, right?"

"What? No! I mean, because it isn't real! It can't be! I mean, if our son were off with tigers and hamsters and aliens and evil doers all the time, we'd notice, wouldn't we?"

They stared at each other for a long moment.

"… We can check his room for evidence," he decided.

Mom nodded, and they hurried up the stairs to Calvin's room. They walked inside, looking around for anything out of the ordinary.

They saw all the back-to-school supplies they had made him load up on, from notebook paper to new binders, and also _not _sorted into his backpack like they'd told him to. Nothing odd about that. They also saw some drawings of a small red flying saucer flying through space with a little blonde pilot inside. Seemed normal enough. His comic books were a bit scattered on the bed. That seemed about right.

Mom peered under the bed. "Oh, if it turns out the monsters under his bed are real, I'm going to feel just _awful_ about it."

Dad ignored her and noticed something sitting on the bedside table. It was a water pistol. "Wait," he said, picking it up. "I've seen this before. He plays with it sometimes, but he hardly ever puts any water into it."

Mom looked at it. "Oh, yeah," she said, snapping her fingers, trying to remember. "It's his… Transmogrifier Gun?"

"Ah yes, the thing that supposedly turned him into an owl."

"But I saw him use it in the dream. Hobbes used it to turn a great big monster into a rock."

They looked at it, almost scared of it now.

"Well!" Dad said, scratching his head nervously. "It… can't _possibly _do that, right? I mean… you can't just turn something into something else just by thinking it, right?"

"No, of course… not," Mom stammered, trying to convince herself it was correct.

"I mean," Dad went on, "if I wanted to say…" He looked around and saw something on the dresser. "… Turn this alarm clock into a turtle, that'd be impossible!"

"Exactly!"

They both chuckled uncomfortably at the idea. Trying to be playful, Dad took the gun and pointed it at the clock. "See? I'll just transmogrify it right here! Pew, pew!" He squeezed the trigger.

Nothing happened.

"You see? Nothing!"

They both forced out more laughter, feeling only slightly relieved, but the sound of the backdoor slamming made them jump. They dropped the Transmogrifier Gun back where they found it and hurried outside into the hall just as Calvin was coming up the stairs, carrying Hobbes over his shoulder.

"Hey!" he said. "What's going on up here?"

"Oh, nothing!" Mom said quickly, trying to move past him. "We're just… talking about dinner!"

Calvin made a face. "If it's eggplant casserole _again_, I swear I'm moving." He stormed passed them towards his room, and he shut the door behind him.

Mom and Dad stared at the shut door in silence for a few minutes before looking at each other. They smiled slightly, feeling a little better about the whole thing. They were just turning to go back downstairs when they heard a voice from behind the door.

"Hey, Hobbes! Why's there a turtle on my dresser?"

They both stopped where they stood and looked back at the door in shock.

* * *

Meanwhile, far across the universe, there was a distant red dot in the sky that was, upon further inspection, a planet.

The planet was at least ninety percent lava, in orbit around a mean-looking sun, with a couple of moons around it. This was once a most feared little planet. One of the most dreaded in the galaxy. Few dared to approach it over the centuries, as this was the planet Zok, home to the terrifying race known as the Zokians.

For so long, they had ruled over several other planets in the universe, forcing them to bow down and practically worship their exalted ruler, Rupert Chill. He dominated planet after planet, rejoicing in the pain he caused and how it enabled him to build his empire. No one dared do anything to stop him, lest he headed for their world next.

And then, he found Earth. The first time any world leader stood up to him. A mere child, at that, and his feline companion. They had stood before him and put an end to his invasion before it could even really begin.

That had been their battle for years. He would attempt to invade the world by taking out the Earth Potentate, only for the Earth Potentate to stop him again and again. Their battles had escalated in their ferocity and their complexity. The boy had trapped him in an Earth prison for several months. He had trapped the boy and his tiger on a cruise ship for even longer. _The boy _had revealed them to the world.

It had been so difficult to keep this going, especially with the massive war they had just had. With his almost single-minded focus on killing Calvin, he had seemingly forgotten that he still had loads of other planets to rule. So while he was distracted, those other planets had fought back. They'd shaken Zok off like a bad case of fleas and gone back to rebuilding their respective governments, now working together to ensure that they would never be ruled by outside worlds again.

Now the war was over. Zok was also in the process of rebuilding. The people of his world were nothing if not resilient. Unfortunately, without things coming in from other planets, they were now effectively on their own. Not that many of them minded. In fact, many Zokians were perfectly happy with the way things had turned out. Not all of them were interested in wreaking havoc. Many of them were content to just get on with their lives if it meant no more insanity.

Except for the super-rich and elite, of course, who were annoyed that their evil tyrant was losing power, and they were threatening to stop donating money to his kingdom if he didn't do something to appease their demands.

That's the charming story of how Rupert found himself sitting alone in a debilitated throne room. The whole place was falling apart, dimly lit and silent, save for the creaking of the chandelier that only had three of its fifty lights working. He was in a miserable funk. He barely ate or moved. A casual observer might notice a thin coating of dust all over him.

He was ruined. The mighty king was now the joke of the universe. He'd had the ultimate power, and he'd lost it.

But did he blame himself? Of course not.

It was that _boy's _fault. Making him a laughing stock. Reducing him to this.

He was so busy being lost in a funk that he didn't hear the door open, and he didn't notice his most faithful captain and trusted companion, Earl, poking his head through the door.

"… Your Highness?" he called out across the vast throne room. "You okay?"

Rupert didn't react. He just stared into space, like nothing had happened.

Deciding to take a chance, Earl slithered across the messy room, peering through the darkness at his depressed leader. "Rupert…?" he ventured again. "I don't suppose there's a slim chance you're in a somewhat decent mood?"

Still no reaction.

Earl sighed. "Well, that's a shame. It would've helped cushion the bad news I'm bringing you."

There was a brief spark of irritation in Rupert's eyes that told Earl to maintain his distance.

"So… the people of Zok are rebuilding. We're starting to get local businesses off the ground. Children back in school. That sort of thing. Unfortunately… they're a bit miffed that you haven't really been, you know… helping much with that. You haven't said a word of encouragement or done much to acknowledge what's happening. You're just sort of… hiding in here. They're not all that happy about it."

He heard Rupert's breathing get imperceptibly quicker, causing him to slither backwards and to speak a tad louder to compensate.

"So… they've been talking quite a bit, and the latest numbers are in… Seems there's talk of… well… _deposing _you…"

One of Rupert's tentacles twitched, so he slithered back even further.

"I mean, there's _always _been talk of deposing you. Most of our citizens have been against your tyrannical rule for several decades now. It's just that… with you more or less inactive, it's starting to look like it might… actually… _happen_."

There was a horrible loud noise as Rupert finally got up from his throne and picked it up, subsequently throwing it through the air. It crashed into the creaking chandelier, sending them both crashing to the floor in splintering wood, breaking glass and clanging metal.

Earl was quietly relieved he'd gotten out of the way. "So… you took that well."

Rupert punched a wall a few times, putting a huge crack in it, before rounding on Earl again. "I want… that… boy… _DEAD_!" he bellowed.

Earl nodded. "Yes, I know. I've known that for a _long _time now. However… it might behoove you to… maybe… move on? I mean… maybe you'll _like _being deposed? You'll have time for fishing in the Lava Rivers, some meditation, maybe finally take up tennis?"

"Whose side are you on?!"

"Yours, sir, I swear! It's just that… well, things aren't looking good. The best plan of action right now is to start helping to rebuild the kingdom. Show the people you care about their plight. Offer a plan of action to focus on Zok's needs from now on."

During this, Rupert had started punching the wall again.

"… _A-a-a-a-a-and _you didn't listen to a word of that, did you?"

"I will have that boy killed," Rupert growled. "I want him _dead_…"

His insanity was thankfully paused by a third Zokian slithering through the door. It was one of the servants, slightly shorter than them and dressed like an alien butler. "Beg pardon, Your Highness," he said in an almost British-sounding voice. "We've received reports that some sort of pod has crashed not far from here."

Earl frowned. "A pod?"

"Indeed, sir. It is currently being transported to the capitol for examination. Seems to contain some kind of lifeform."

"I see… Well then, I'd better go see about it."

Earl turned to leave, but a voice stopped him.

"Wait."

It was Rupert. He'd stopped pounding the wall during the conversation.

"I'm the king. _I'll _investigate what piece of disgusting alien _filth _has dropped itself on _my _planet."

He slithered past them towards the door. Earl stared after him, wondering if this was a good sign or not.

The butler tutted at the mess on the floor. "Dearie me, this is the sixth time we've had to replace that chandelier…"

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_And we're off! Hope it was worth the wait! As always, please leave a review and read on!_


	2. Water Balloons of Justice

"Oh great Master, are your feet comfortable to satisfaction?"

The tall balding middle aged man stood above Dr Brainstorm, who was sitting motionless on his couch, staring blankly at his TV. Instead of his usual lab coat and underlying black outfit, the scientist was dressed in a bathrobe and slippers with his hair drooping over his face and a remote control very loosely dangling from his left hand. On the couch, he had pillows cushioning him from every side. Behind his head, under his arms, behind his back, as well as a small tower of them supporting his feet as he lay reclined in the couch.

Larry, the man before him, held two more pillows in each hand, looking for another spot to place them.

"It's fine," Brainstorm grunted.

"Would you care for some refreshments?"

"No."

"Would you care for some light reading?"

"I'm watching TV…"

"Is the television at a satisfactory volume level? Would master like me to push the button on the remote so you don't have to?"

"Why don't you go clean the kitchen again?"

Larry nodded vigorously. "Right away, Master Brainstorm!" he shouted as he ran off.

There was a pause as Brainstorm sat in momentarily silence, until a familiar gleam was sighted and a tall robot with platinum colored metal strolled over to him.

"Did you send Larry into the kitchen again?" he grumbled.

"I dunno, I might have." Brainstorm mumbled, not even moving his head. "Memory's a bit hazy."

Jack stared at his creator for a short moment.

"What's going on, Frank? You've been sitting on that couch all day."

"Have I? How time flies…"

"When was the last time you invented something?"

"Earlier today."

Jack raised an eyebrow.

Making his first movement in what seemed like hours, Brainstorm lifted the hand that had the remote in it. Although his fingers weren't gripping it, the remote remained glued against his palm. "I invented a remote that magnetizes to human skin so I don't have to hold it."

He slowly lowered his arm back into the pillows again.

Jack remained silent for a moment as he let that sink in. Finally, he cracked open his can of soda, and sat down next to his creator.

"All right, Frank. Talk to me. What's wrong?" he said, taking a sip.

"Nothing."

"Frank."

"Nothing's wrong."

"Frank, tell me what's wrong or I'm calling your mother. You want to talk to me about it or _her_?" Jack looked over at Brainstorm, where he saw tears beginning to form in the scientist's eyes.

"I just… I just don't see what the point is anymore…"

Jack paused. "What do you mean?"

"How long have I been trying to take over the world? Thirteen, fourteen years now? There are YouTube channels that get closer to that goal in that amount of time. Every single time, I'm just met with the same obstacles stopping me that I can never overcome… None of my inventions even work…"

The remote fell out of Brainstorm's hand.

"See? I can't even get _that_ right."

"No, Frank, you _can't_ be taking on this defeatist attitude. This isn't you. Come on."

Jack stood up and began tugging at Brainstorm's sleeve, but the scientist simply let it drop back to the couch.

"Frank, I'm genuinely worried about you. Do you not think that maybe a few hours in the lab would perk you up?"

"Maybe later…," Brainstorm mumbled.

Suddenly, a woman with blonde hair ran up, holding a small device in her hands.

"Master!" she shouted. "The proximity alarm just went off again! Shall I check for intruders?!"

"We live under a tourist attraction, Ashley," Jack groaned. "The proximity alarm is _always_ going off."

"But this time it's beeping really fast!" Ashley shouted, shoving the device in Jack's face.

"It's beeping at the exact same rhythm it always is!" Jack snapped. "This is the third time you've come to us about this today! Go do something else!"

"Master, what should I do?!" Ashley shouted.

"I dunno. Whatever Jack said," Brainstorm mumbled, still not looking away from the TV.

Ashley looked back and forth between Brainstorm and Jack, helplessly. Jack rubbed his temple.

"Go help Larry with the kitchen or something I don't know!"

"Yes, master's robot!"

And with that, Ashley raced out of the room. Jack shook his head and looked back at Brainstorm.

"Would it help if I got rid of them?"

"Got rid of who?" Brainstorm asked.

Jack sighed.

* * *

Although the end of summer was quickly approaching, the weather definitely did not reflect it. The sun beat down remorselessly onto Calvin, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman and Socrates as they strolled down the sidewalk towards the park. Socrates had his face buried in his smartphone, while Calvin and Andy lead the charge.

"Do we actually have a plan when we get to the park or are we just twiddling away the day at this point?" Calvin asked, grumpily crossing his arms.

"Oh come on," chided Andy. "Would you rather spend the day in your bedroom complaining?"

"Partially..." Calvin grumbled.

"Hey everybody! Socrates back here and welcome back to The Tiger Diaries!"

Everyone turned and looked over at Socrates who was holding his arm out and speaking into his smartphone with a giant grin on his face. "Today I'm joined by my apprentices, Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Sherman and today we're going to be going to the park! Who knows what adventures lie ahead for the day?"

"Socrates, what are you doing?" Hobbes asked.

"You bet we will, Hobbes!" Socrates went on, grinning broadly at his friend. "In the past we've saved the planet, saved other planets, traveled to other universes, met extraordinary people and aliens, and overall had ourselves a good old time making sure we didn't become slaves to a rather stereotypically evil alien race bent on enslaving mankind. Over here, we have our resident hamster, Sherman. Sherman, do you have anything to say about the things we've accomplished in the past few years?"

Socrates shoved the phone into Sherman's face, who reeled back, annoyed.

"Please don't film me."

"Amazing!" Socrates grinned, pulling the phone back. "So, I'll be checking back in with you all, and we'll see what little adventures we manage to find ourselves into! Also I'd like to give a shout-out to all my amazing people on ! Without you, none of these videos would be possible! Links in the description and be sure to leave a like and subscribe for the free iPhone giveaway at the end of the video! Talk soon!"

Socrates pushed a button on his phone and pocketed it, still grinning. Everyone continued staring at him.

"Don't ever do that, again, please…," Calvin said, slowly.

"I'm glad you asked, Cally!" Socrates grinned. "I've decided that before we actually start on our adventure I'm going to make sure to vlog it all for my loyal viewers!"

"What loyal viewers?" Andy asked, raising an eyebrow.

"On YouTube, obviously. I just hit the one million subscriber milestone, so I need to make a particularly good video to celebrate it. I figured now would be a good time to start it."

"You have a YouTube channel? What the heck do you do on it?"

"Movie reviews, political commentary, response videos, you know, the norm." Socrates nodded.

"Why have we never known about this?" Andy asked.

Socrates looked at Andy with a somewhat hurt expression.

"Wait... you guys aren't subscribed to me?"

"Socrates, none of us use social media except for you," Calvin said, rolling his eyes.

"I mean, I have a Facebook…," Andy offered.

"Calvin, you don't have a Facebook?!" Socrates gasped.

"Socrates, our computer is from 1992, I'm pretty sure it doesn't even _load _Facebook..."

"Also, we're getting off topic here…," said Hobbes, shifting gears. "Why are you vlogging this _now_? Nothing's happening…"

"Oh, we have something big coming," Socrates nodded. "I can feel it."

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances.

"What do you mean you can feel it? There's literally nothing happening…," Calvin said.

"You know that feeling you get right before a thunderstorm comes?" Socrates asked.

"No…"

"Well, it's like that. Something cool is about to happen, and I need to make sure I get it all on this vlog. Once I have all the footage, I'll edit it together and upload it for my awaiting audience."

Hobbes started, "So what, you're just going to randomly film us doing stuff until something happ-"

"Yup!" Socrates grinned.

Everyone heaved deep sighs.

"Great…," Calvin mumbled under his breath.

The five rounded the corner and finally, the park was within sight. At this point, their eyes all fell onto four figures standing next to the swing set and the distinct sound of shouting reached their ears.

Calvin and Hobbes exchanged glances as the group moved ever closer. Finally, they were able to make out the features of Moe and his two nameless friends who were standing around Susie. One of Moe's friends was holding a small Raggedy Ann doll, flipping it in between his comically large fingers, and Susie was shouting at them, tears welling in her eyes.

The group stopped and stared at this moment. Hobbes raised an eyebrow. "Huh…," he started. "I honestly forgot he still existed."

"Yeah..." Calvin agreed. "I feel like we forget about him every time he's off-screen."

They watched for a moment in silence as Susie become more and more visibly stressed. Calvin smacked his lips. "Alright, let's go do something about it," He sighed.

Andy gave Calvin a weird look. "I thought you didn't like Susie." He said.

"I don't. But even I have to be fair." Calvin conceded. "As much as I love to see Susie miserable, it should be for reasons of fair outcomes. The stealing of one's personal property through physical prowess is reprehensible compared to that of being soaked with a water balloon during strategic combat."

"Oh, that's your new moral justification?" Sherman asked.

"You're darn right it is," Calvin said. "Okay, so here's the plan..."

* * *

"Moe, just give me the doll back! Just go away!" Susie shouted. She tried to push the larger child away, but the bully didn't even budge, as if Susie had tried to shove a boulder.

"Why, aren't you having fun?" Moe taunted, as his other two friends snickered. "We don't want to leave when we're just kicking off the party…"

"We'll be fair," one of the other kids offered. "We'll split the doll in half and you can have the half you want."

"No!" Susie wailed, as the other thug began tugging at both ends of the doll. "Please stop! Please!"

"Sir Maurice," a calm voice suddenly was heard, causing everyone to look around. Calvin was standing a few feet away with his hands in his pockets, looking at Moe with a bored expression.

A wide grin spread across Moe's face. "Well, look what we have here. I didn't think I wasn't gonna see you again, Twinky…"

"Same here, but then again, _I _actually _passed _first grade."

Moe and his thugs moved away from Susie and towards Calvin, surrounding him. Calvin remained still as he watched this happen.

"You here for one last pounding before school starts?" Moe grunted, cracking his knuckles.

"Moe, may I ask you a question real quick?" Calvin asked.

Moe stared at him. Calvin stared back for a moment, before he decided to continue.

"How did I act when we first met?"

Moe chuckled. "You ran away like a scared little runt."

"Indeed. And how have I acted the last few encounters we've had?"

Moe paused. His two friends exchanged glances.

"Like a scared little runt…," Moe said, a hint of insecurity in his voice.

Calvin smiled, kindly. "I'm afraid not, old friend. I happen to have a certain confidence to my tone, do I not? Why do you suppose that is?"

Moe moved in closer to Calvin. "Got me stumped. Cuz you're stupid?"

"I feel like there's a lot of things that stump you, Moe," Calvin said. "But consider this, when was the last time you actually hit me?"

Moe stared at Calvin. "How would I know?"

"Take a guess. Humor me," Calvin said, raising an eyebrow. "Then you can pound me all you want. I won't even run away."

Moe continued staring at Calvin suspiciously. "Last week…"

"No, actually." Calvin shook his head. "Try again?"

"I don't care, Twinky!"

"You haven't hit me in fourteen years."

Moe and his friends burst out laughing at this.

"What kind of idiot do you think I am?" Moe growled.

"Well, I think that's is the first three syllable word I've ever heard you utter, so clearly not the right kind," Calvin shrugged.

Moe grabbed Calvin's shirt collar. As this happened, a loud splash was heard followed by Moe immediately dropping the boy back onto the ground and sputtering and coughing.

Moe's friends stared at Moe in shock, who was now soaking wet from head to toe. He looked around in all directions, but couldn't find the source of the water.

"What the heck was that?"

"What indeed," Calvin said. "Are you a perhaps a bit in over your head, dear Moe?"

"Why you…"

_SPLASH_

Another splash was heard, and this time Moe's friends jumped as another water balloon appeared out of nowhere and struck Moe upside the head.

Moe whipped around and continued looking for the source.

Of course, he couldn't see what Calvin saw, which was Hobbes and Socrates hidden in the trees, throwing water balloons at the gang of thugs. Andy had the regular hypercube and was passing them off to Hobbes, while Sherman was using MTM's own hypercube to pass more off to Socrates. Every once in a while, MTM would teleport them to a different tree to make the balloons look like they were coming from several directions at once.

"Dipped into the deep end of the pool, if you will," Calvin continued.

Moe took another swing at Calvin.

_SPLASH_

Moe's friends began backing away.

"Took a little too large of a bite out of the proverbial steak, if you will."

"Pound him!" Moe shouted.

One of Moe's thugs made a lunge for Calvin.

_SPLASH_

This water balloon struck the thug who collapsed onto the ground.

"Missed a step going down the stairs of life, if I may."

_SPLASH_

This balloon hit the other thug, who squealed in terror as he threw Susie's doll into the air in shock. The doll flew through the air and landed safely in Susie's hands. Susie stared at the doll for a moment before looking up at Calvin in confusion.

"Tripped over the rock of overwhelming essence, if you'll forgive me."

Moe and his friends finally began backing away from Calvin, scanning the skies for the other balloons in pure terror.

"I'll get you for this, Twinky!" Moe growled.

"I'm afraid not, Moe," Calvin said, taking a step forward, causing Moe and his gang to jump back in fear. "For I feel as though this may be our final encounter. Just know that it has been a pleasure. If nothing else, go through your life with the knowledge…" A grin spread across the boy's face. "… that I win, you big jerk."

Moe glared at Calvin as he continued backing away. As he finally reached the edge of the park, he did a complete 180 and sprinted off down the sidewalk. His friends looked all around the park one final time before sprinting off after him. Calvin watched them go, with a satisfied grin.

"Well, that was good for the ol' ego," he chuckled.

He turned and stared at Susie for a moment.

"Erm… Thanks…," she said, slowly.

Calvin blinked several times. "Um… Yeah… No problem."

A very long awkward pause followed this. This was very much new ground for both of them. They were much more accustomed to Calvin being the instigator of Susie's misfortunes, not her savior.

Suddenly, the sounds of tree branches cracking was heard, following by Andy tumbling out of a nearby tree, gripping with him a CD player and two stuffed tigers. A small hamster landed softly on top of them.

Calvin and Susie stared at him.

"So, do you guys want to play something?" Susie said, slowly looking back and forth between the two.

Calvin and Andy exchanged glances.

"Not reall-"

"We have other things we have to get to," Andy interrupted Calvin. "Another time?"

"Okay," Susie said. "Um… Thanks again?"

Calvin grunted and walked away, effectively ending the awkward situation. Susie watched him go, before turning to Andy, who shrugged.

"Midlife crisis, I guess," he said.

Susie shrugged in return and brushed her doll off. "See you later, Andy," she said, walking off.

"No problem, Susie," Andy said, turning around.

"_Come to me, friends_."

Andy stopped. In that instance, he had heard whispering directly where Susie had been. He turned back around and looked. Susie was walking off down the sidewalk, her doll over her shoulder. He looked back around. Hobbes and Socrates were walking off after Calvin. Sherman perched on Socrates' shoulder. Socrates turned and waved after Andy to follow them.

Andy remained silent for a moment as he waited for something to happen. The surrounding area was eerily silent as he waited. Finally, he decided it best to shake it off. He heaved a nervous sigh, and walked off after his friends.

* * *

"_POD DOOR DEADLOCKED._"

"Dang it!" the Zokian scientist murmured, as he typed furiously on the keyboard before him. He was sitting in a large laboratory, with a large pod wired into several computers and suspended above him. He continued typing, even as he heard the sliding doors behind him open. "I'm getting there, I'm getting there!" the scientist grumbled, without even looking up. "This technology is so primitive, I can't even get the computer to recognize it's there..."

"Well, you should do it faster," Earl said, blandly.

The scientist looked up and quickly straightened himself as he saw who had entered the room.

Rupert and Earl slithered up to him, with Rupert disinterestedly glancing up at the pod and around the room. Behind them, two royal guards were following, each equipped with their own pulse rifle.

"Yo-Your highness…," the scientist stammered. "I almost have it, I should only be a moment…"

Rupert grunted coldly, sitting down in a nearby seat.

"What do you suppose is in it?" Earl asked, sliding his tentacle over the pod.

"Who knows?" the scientist said, turning back to the keyboard. "I've tried scanning for life signals, but the pod has a certain prevention mechanism for that. Possibly a security measure. Either way, I have it to the point where I just need to unlock the door, but the computer doesn't want to unlock it."

Earl approached the computer. "Why not?"

"I don't know. It keeps saying it's been deadlock sealed even though I know it isn't. This pod isn't advanced enough to have that kind of technology."

Earl studied the screen for a moment, before pointing at it. "Link the commands to that code."

The scientist stared at the screen. "Erm... Okay..."

"You're probably wasting your time," Rupert said, leaning back and glancing at the pod. "There probably isn't anything in there."

"Let's… let's see…," the scientist typed on the keyboard for a moment while Earl watched, intently.

"_POD DOOR ACTIVATED. DECONTAMINATION PROCESS IN PROGESS._"

"Oh… How did you know that?"

"The crew's broken the computers many times…," Earl said, straightening up. "I've needed to learn a bit of code to get a system back online on quite a few occasions."

The sound air hissing was heard as the pod shifted and a door like opening lifted up from the pod's otherwise smooth surface. Smoke bellowed from the pod, as the door swung open, and a figure came tumbling out onto the ground. It was a man.

"Don't move!" one of the guards shouted, as they rushed over and aimed their rifles at the man. Rupert and Earl watched with dull interest. The scientist began backing away, slowly.

As the smoke cleared, the man was revealed to be wearing a lab coat. He looked to be in poor shape, covered in dirt and grime, and had a distinctively odd haircut jetting out from either side of his head. He slowly looked up at the guards, who were still aiming their guns at them.

"Who are you?" the man shouted, backing away from them in shock.

"I said don't move!" the guard shouted again, priming his weapon.

The man froze after holding his hands up and waiting for something to happen.

"Orders, sir!" the guard shouted, looking to Rupert.

Rupert looked the man up and down boredly. "I don't know… throw him in the dungeon or something, I don't care."

"Oh, of course you have a dungeon!" the man groaned.

"Shut up!" the guard shouted, slithering up to the man, and grabbing his shoulder. "Get up! Now!"

The man stumbled to his feet, grunting and groaning as the other guard came up as well and grabbed his other shoulder. "Ow! Be gentle!"

They started leading him away. Earl looked back at Rupert. "Yeah, that was admittedly pretty disappointing."

Rupert nodded, still maintaining the same dead expression. "Told you," the king sighed and stood up. "Well, now that that little bit of excitement is over, I'm going back to the throne room."

Rupert turned and started walking in other direction towards another door. Earl watched him go with a bit of annoyance at his king's growing non-caring persona.

"I swear I will find that spiky-haired brat and put him in the ground when I am out of here!" the man shouted, as the guards lead him out the door.

Rupert stopped. Earl stopped.

There was a moment of silence, before Rupert turned to Earl. Suddenly, his expression was different. Gone was the solemn and deadpan Rupert. In its place was an expression of sinister malevolence. An expression of pure insanity that even put Earl on edge. Rupert opened his mouth as he stared at Earl with his mad gaze and spoke.

"What did he say?"


	3. What is Reality?

Calvin leaned back in his chair, his mind racing. He was still replaying the previous events in his head over and over. He actually helped Susie Derkins. The girl he despised more than anything. The girl who'd inspired him to create the **G**ET **R**ID **O**F **S**LIMY GIRL**S **club for the sole purpose of excluding her. The event buzzed around in his head like an angry bee. What had possessed him to do a stupid thing like that?

He looked to the other three individuals around the table helplessly, hoping they'd maybe have some form of guidance or reassurance.

"… Why did I do it?" he murmured at last.

The superhero straightened up slightly. "You saw an injustice and put it right," he said. "Exactly what I would've done."

"Oh sure," replied the space traveler. "Like the time you dropped an enormous snowball on her head and got us in trouble?"

"She got what was coming to her!"

"Yeah, sure, the brave superhero sends a little girl home crying. That's gonna look _real _good, isn't it?"

"Unlike you, who just fires a laser at her?"

"Hey, she looked like an alien from a distance!"

There was a loud smack on the table that made them jump, and they saw the cigarette smoke billowing from the area around the detective. "Enough!" he snapped. "Using the powers of deduction, it isn't hard to figure out what the answer is."

"Go on…," said Spiff.

"We saw a crime being committed. We took the necessary means to stop it. Justice prevails."

"But why did it have to be _me_?" Calvin demanded. "I'm supposed to hate her. I'm supposed to encourage the horrible behavior directed at girls!"

Tracer poured himself a bourbon. "I suspect this is one of those things referred to as 'maturity'."

"Oh, _barf_," muttered Spiff.

"Great moons of Neptune! You mean we've been infected already?!" Stupendous Man cried in horror. "How could we have been so careless?!"

Tracer shrugged. "It's the chance you take when you let yourself grow up after over thirty years of stagnation."

"But we _liked _stagnation! We liked never learning or growing!"

"We still had to at some point," murmured Spiff, head in his hands. "Had to go on the last big adventure… to the planet Adulthood…"

They all looked over at Calvin, who was staring off into space.

"Calvin?"

He didn't react.

"Calvin?"

Still nothing.

"_Calvin_!"

Calvin blinked and looked up to see Hobbes sitting next to him on the sidewalk.

"Kinda zoned out on us there," his friend said.

"Oh… yeah, I'm just… still… kinda… y'know?"

"Well, time to focus on the here and now," said Socrates, holding out his phone. "I've been trying to get some interviews for my vlog, but Andy keeps talking about hearing voices."

They all looked at Andy, who looked sheepishly back at them.

"Voices, Andy?" asked Sherman.

"Yeah… I've been hearing it for a while now. Used to just be once in a blue moon, but now I'm having dreams, and it's happening more frequently."

Calvin sighed with relief. "Finally. Something _weird_," he said, pulling out the MTM.

"You guys haven't heard it, by any chance, have you?"

"Not me," said Hobbes.

"Nor me," said Sherman.

"I mean… I hear voices all the time, but none that are as mysterious and whispery like _you've _been hearing…," said Socrates. "Probably just means you're losing your mind."

Andy glared at him. "Well, _thanks_. Now I feel _so _much better."

Calvin held up the MTM. "MTM – scan Andy's brainwaves for any abnormalities."

The CD player projected a green light that encapsulated Andy's head for a few moments, causing the boy to briefly stagger before righting himself. It was soon retracted, and MTM hummed for a few moments before he had a satisfactory answer.

It was a very long few moments. Longer than the group really cared for. It was never a good sign when the MTM wasn't already giving an overlong explanation with the smugness that came from knowing everything.

"Well," he said at last. "Seems it's finally happening. Had a feeling it would…"

Andy blanched. "What? What is? Am I actually losing my mind?!"

"No. It's not you. It's the… thing."

"… What 'thing'?" Calvin asked.

"I'm not sure what to call it, really. But let's settle for something simple, like… the 'entity' or something."

Hobbes blinked. "Okay…," he said slowly, "what is this… 'Entity'?"

"It's a creature that exists outside of time and space. Not sure where it came from exactly, but it's been around all this time."

"It has? Why didn't you say?" asked Sherman.

"It wasn't dangerous. Didn't see any point. Not even really sure what it is. It's just always been in our lives to some capacity, existing somewhere between our universe and the void, watching over us. Its energy signature is usually at its strongest whenever we're involved in one of our little adventures. Probably needs us for something…"

"So what do we do about it?" Calvin asked.

"Nothing we _can_ do. Due to the nature of its existence, there's nothing we can do about it, nor can we interact with it. Of course, it can't interact with us either, so that's a plus."

"So why is it revealing itself now?" Andy demanded. "And why me?"

"Not a clue," MTM replied. "Whatever it needs from us, maybe it's running out… We'll need to wait and see what else it does before we do anything."

They all stood in silence, thinking about that for a minute.

Then, Andy noticed something.

"Socrates, please stop filming us."

"Awwww, come on! This is exciting! My viewers will eat this up!"

They all groaned in exasperation.

Then, they heard a melodious little tune winding its way up the street. They all looked, and there was a little white van on its way.

"Speaking of eating, as long as the world isn't ending right this second, let's get an ice cream!" Andy suggested.

"Excellent idea," Calvin agreed before turning to their animal friends. "Let me guess – Raspberry Ripple for Socrates, Fudge-cicle for Hobbes and a scoop of strawberry for Sherman."

"Shrunken down to my size, please and thank you," Sherman nodded.

Calvin and Andy hurried off to catch the ice cream man, leaving the two tigers and hamster to sit on the sidewalk.

Socrates fiddled with his phone. "Hmmmm… I wonder if my fans would enjoy watching me eat ice cream…"

"Given the state of the internet, I'm going to say 'yes, probably'," said Sherman sadly.

While the other tiger fiddled away on his phone, Sherman glanced over at Hobbes, who was sitting and looking off into the distance. Normally, Hobbes and Sherman were _not _friends, but the genius hamster had to admit that they'd warmed to each other in recent years, and he was concerned by the apprehension on the feline's face.

Plus, it was better than helping Socrates with his vlog.

"Penny for them?" he asked.

Hobbes glanced in his direction and smiled awkwardly. "Just thinking."

"About…?"

"Well… after we came back from the camping trip where we shot Retro into space… Calvin's mom said something to me."

"Is that unusual?"

"I didn't think it at the time… but… she said that I was her son's 'imaginary friend'."

Sherman tilted his head in confusion. Even Socrates looked up from his activity.

"What does that mean, 'imaginary friend'?" Sherman asked.

"She said… that normally, to them, I was just Calvin's imaginary friend. I tried to be cool about it, but I can't get it out of my head. I mean… what does it mean? Do I exist?"

"You seem pretty real to me," said Socrates.

"Besides," added Sherman, "if you were imaginary, wouldn't Calvin be the only one who could talk to you?"

"Well, that's another piece of the puzzle. For a very long time, Calvin was the only one who really _did _interact with me. I think that camping trip was the first time his parents and I really talked. And outside of our group, I don't get a lot of social interaction."

"You should start a blog, then," said Socrates brightly. "I used to have that same problem. The only person who really talked to me was Elliot. Now I have all these followers online!"

"Have you met any of them in person?"

Socrates blinked. "Well… no, admittedly, I haven't. You have to be careful who you meet up with on the internet…"

Hobbes shook his head. "It's probably nothing. I keep trying to assure myself that I'm real. Obviously, I am. I just can't help but wonder…"

Sherman patted him on the shoulder. "Just try to keep it an idle curiosity, Hobbes," he said. "No need to figure everything out right now. All I recommend is instead of wondering _what _you are, focus more on _who _you are."

Hobbes looked at him for a long moment before looking back down the street towards the ice cream van where Calvin and Andy were fumbling with their pocket change for ice cream. He wondered what his friend would make of any of this. But he decided that maybe it was for the best he didn't say anything for the time being. His friend had enough on his plate right now.

* * *

The cell was dark and cold. It was amazing that there could be any cool places on a planet that was ninety percent lava, but that's how it was.

Retro dangled in his cell, staring blankly into space. He hadn't said a word all day. He just looked straight ahead, like there was nothing to see. Occasionally, food was brought to him, but he wasn't interested. He was cuffed to some very long chains that hung from the ceiling. His only movement was the odd blink every few seconds. He might've slept from time to time, but no one could tell.

On the inside, his head was practically on standby. Hardly any thoughts going through his mind at all. It was an odd thing for a man of his intelligence to not be thinking, but here he was. When he'd been imprisoned on Annkor, he done nothing but think. Think about how crazy this was. Think about how none of it could possibly be real. Think about escaping. Think about failed escapes. Think about revenge. Think about revenge _a lot_. Think about how good that revenge would feel. Think about how good it felt to finally succeed in escaping and getting that revenge. Think about how terrifying it was when that revenge went wrong. Think about how embarrassing it was when he was captured once again, deemed too much trouble for his original captors to bother with taking him back.

Thinking had put him here. Out of one frying pan, and into another almost identical frying pan.

He stopped thinking. Just stopped. No more.

So he didn't really register when the cell door creaked open, and in slithered a couple of aliens. They all looked at him cheerfully.

"Hi, there!" said one cheerfully. "I'm Lenny, and this is Carl!"

"Hi!" said Carl just as cheerfully. "We're here to interrogate you and get some answers!"

Retro just dangled there, with numb arms and an even number head. He didn't seem aware they'd arrived.

Not that the two aliens minded, of course.

"So! We have questions!" Lenny said, pulling out the clipboard. "First question – are you some sort of waterfowl?"

No response whatsoever.

Lenny and Carl waited for a long time, watching him blink ever six seconds. The large grins on their faces steadily wilted as they found they couldn't get any answers to their stupidly irrelevant questions.

Finally, Lenny cleared his throat and spoke. "Okay!" he said, this time pretending to be cheerful. "Excuse us for one moment, please!"

He grabbed Carl and hustled him back towards the door, looking concerned.

"Okay…," he said. "The usual stuff isn't working. The subject is _not _responding."

"That's weird," Carl remarked. "Do you suppose that we've offended him?"

"How so?"

"Maybe he was expecting some sort of welcoming present for being on our planet. He _is _a newcomer, after all."

"Interesting point… Maybe we ought to find something quick? What do you think he'd like?"

"How about a grilled cheese sandwich? Those are popular on Earth, aren't they?"

"True, true… Although, I seem to recall an enthusiasm for a musical forestry commission…"

"Really?"

"Yeah, it was called Justice Timber & Lake, or something. Always telling you to 'buy, buy, buy' his services?"

"Hmmmm… how about a vehicle? They seem to like those planet-polluting doohickeys a lot."

"They really do… Oh! I think I've got it!"

Lenny quickly slithered over to Retro. "How would you like a six-wheel planet-polluter driven by a forestry commission with a grilled cheese?"

Retro didn't seem to hear him. He was too busy being brain dead.

Lenny frowned. "Hmmm… guess not."

At that moment, they heard a door slam in the distance, and they turned to see Rupert and Earl slithering into the room towards them.

"Well?" Earl asked.

Carl shrugged helplessly. "Not responding. Doesn't want a grilled cheese. And we _still _don't know if he's a goose."

"… Well, you've clearly done all you can. Leave him to us."

Lenny and Carl nodded cheerfully and slithered past them out of the room.

Once they were gone, the two larger aliens looked at Retro's blank expression.

"So…," Rupert said, leaning in close. "You hate Calvin, too, eh?"

It was like someone flipped a switch. Retro's eyes finally did more than blink. They rolled in the direction of Rupert's face.

He started thinking again.

* * *

Calvin and Hobbes polished off their respective ice creams as they rounded the corner towards their house.

"Ahhh," Calvin said contentedly. "Nothing like spoiling your appetite to prepare you for a disgusting dinner."

"And how," Hobbes agreed. "I suspect I'll be having your leftovers tonight."

"More than likely."

They walked up the walk and opened the front door, stepping inside to find Calvin's parents walking back and forth, fussing with their nice clothes. Dad was trying to get his necktie on while Mom fussed with her makeup and jewelry.

"Why do I get the feeling we forgot something?" asked Hobbes.

Dad turned and saw them. "Calvin! There you are!" he exclaimed. "Where on earth have you been?!"

"… Outside?" Calvin replied, not sure if that was the right answer. It was true, but was it right?

"We've got tickets for the six o'clock showing! We've been planning this all week! How could you just disappear when we're going out tonight?"

"… Because I have a life of my own?"

Before Dad could decide how to punish him, Mom pushed past him. "Come on, dear. Not much time. Rosalyn should be here soon."

Calvin looked at them in horror. "What?! Rosalyn?! You can't be serious! I'm seven now, Dad! I don't need a babysitter anymore!"

"Calvin, we really don't have time for this," Dad grumbled, now searching for his wallet. "We've got to get away from… I mean… _out _of here, soon!"

"No! Please! Don't leave me here! Don't leave me in the company of… _Rosalyn_!"

"Bit late for that," said Mom, peering out the window as she fiddled with an earring. "Her car just pulled up."

"_No-o-o-o-o-o-o!_" Calvin wailed, running away with Hobbes under his arm.

His parents sighed heavily. Some things never changed.

There was a knock at the door, and when they opened it, there was Rosalyn, looking apprehensive as ever. It was just one of those things when you had to babysit Calvin. His parents knew she had a lot to put up with.

"Rosalyn! Hi!" Mom said faux-cheerfully. "How are you?"

"Fine, thanks," she said, unloading her book bag on the sofa. "Prepping for college. You know how that is."

Dad swallowed. "You, er… got someplace _local_, right?"

Rosalyn sighed. "_Yes_, I'll still be in town for all your babysitting needs."

"Good! I mean, not that we need you to or anything! It's just… uh… I mean, Calvin's certainly… well…"

"He'll be on his best behavior tonight," Mom said firmly.

Suddenly, two suction darts flew through the air from the direction of upstairs, and they saw them embed themselves in the door.

"You'll never take me alive, babysitter!" Calvin's voice rang out.

Rosalyn crossed her arms and gave his parents a look that she had perfected in all her years of babysitting the boy.

Mom sighed, pulling out her purse. "And here's a little extra up front for your trouble."

"That's more like it," Rosalyn said, smiling begrudgingly. "Have a nice evening."

"Thank you," said Dad. "And… good luck."

They hurried out the door, slamming it behind them.

Rosalyn watched as they scurried down the walk and into their car, the tires screeching as it peeled out of the driveway and onto the open road. She turned her head to the staircase. "Okay, they're gone!"

Calvin came downstairs with Hobbes tucked under his arm, looking pleased with himself. "Everything went well?"

"As always," Rosalyn replied, pulling the darts off the door and passing them to him. "Nice touch with the dart gun."

"Gotta make it look good," Calvin replied, pocketing them. "And…?"

Rosalyn rolled her eyes and handed him some of the money. "Here's your cut."

"Thank _you_! You know, I bet I could get you paid more if I throw a water balloon at you…"

"Don't push it."

"Okay, okay… So, what's the game plan tonight?"

"Well, I thought we'd order a couple pizzas and play that game you like so much."

"Yes! Calvinball! I'll get the masks."

Rosalyn chuckled as Calvin scurried off into the next room. It had been a long time since there'd been any genuine grievances between them. Ever since they'd found common ground through his childish games, it was remarkably easy to babysit him. Of course, she wasn't about to let the gravy train that was this gig stop flowing, so she'd worked out a deal with him. He keeps up the act that he's giving her a hard time, she makes sure he isn't punished when his parents get home, and she gets paid extra for the hard work, with the deal that she gives him twenty percent each time. It was a good system so far. College tuition looked easier with every job.

She joined him out in the yard and helped him set up the croquet wickets for their game.

"So…," she said. "Heard you're starting second grade pretty soon. Excited?"

Calvin snorted. "In what sense of the word?"

Rosalyn smirked. "Scared, huh?"

"Pah! _No_! I just… You know, would rather just… not… you know… _do _it. At all."

"It's all okay, Calvin. I'm scared, too."

Calvin looked up in surprise. "You are? Of what?"

"Well, I'm starting college soon. I'm going to move into my dorm next week and start my first semester. There's so many unknowns where the future is concerned. Have I chosen the right major? Will I enjoy my classes? Will I be able to handle the stress? Will I meet someone? Will I lose touch with my friends? Will I gain the freshman fifteen? So many variables, so little time."

"So… why go?"

"Because I want to try. I want to see if it's right for me. And hey, maybe it isn't, but I have to see what it's like. Because that's just life. Taking on the challenges it sets up for you, and believe me, it never stops setting them up. It's still important to learn how to roll with them."

She looked over at Calvin as he finished putting in the last wick. She could almost see her words going through the clockwork mechanisms that made up his brain, struggling to comprehend them. She wondered if he was actively resisting accepting what she was saying.

Realizing the conversation had taken a heavy turn, she picked up the black masks and handed him one. "Ready to have your butt kicked?"

He looked up at her sharply before snatching it away. "Oh, you are going _down_!"

She chuckled as she put on the mask and grabbed the nearest volleyball. She wondered if she could introduce this game on campus. No way was she playing ultimate Frisbee.

* * *

"So…," Rupert said, sitting on the floor next to the still-dangling Retro. "You've been screwed over by the boy as well."

"The boy and his blasted _tiger_," Retro grumbled. "They left me to rot on an alien planet. I don't know how I survived."

"The floating timeline," Rupert sighed. Off his prisoner's expression, he continued. "I used to belong to this… collective… that suspended the universe in a floating timeline. Years passed, but we all stayed the same age. Probably part of why you were able to survive there for so long. Of course, the _boy _put an end to that, and now time is moving forward again. So now we have stupid old mortality to deal with. But that's not important right now. What _is _important is that _you_ seem to have come pretty close to defeating the boy yourself."

Retro grumbled. "Could've have him killed long ago. I created a holographic copy of myself to return to Earth and kill him and continue my work. Didn't expect him to develop his own point of view separate from mine. Come up with his own plans. Got himself killed in the process. So I had to break out and do it myself."

Rupert shook his head. "Well, I know all about unhelpful minions. So here's how I see it. We both want revenge. We both want the Earth. So why don't we both do it?"

Retro raised an eyebrow. "You propose an alliance?"

Rupert nodded.

"… I see… possibilities… What did you have in mind?"

"We destroy the boy. After that, you remain on Earth and rule it. The people will be under _my _control, but you'll run things on my behalf while I go out and reclaim the other planets that I lost. Soon, I will have reclaimed my power over the universe, and I'll be back on top."

Retro considered. "So… I run the shop while you run the company, as it were?"

"Indeed. We can negotiate specifics later, but for now, that's the broad look at it."

Across the room, watching from the doorway, Earl had been silent for all of this. He could see the look in their eyes. It was calm for now, but that twinkle of madness was present in both of them. He worried what this meant. Rupert was already unstable enough as it was. He didn't need another madman fueling the fire. But maybe this would finally be a chance to restore sanity. Maybe this alliance really _would _kill Calvin, and they'd be able to go back to normal. His king would have satiated his revenge and be back to his old self.

So he stayed quiet for now. There were so many things that could go wrong, he knew that, but for now, he would go along with this.

He was snapped out of his thoughts by the sound of Retro's feet hitting the floor as he was released from his shackles. He was currently trying to get some feeling back in his arms.

"Right then," Rupert said. "What shall we do first?"

"First, I want to see your science labs," Retro replied. "I need to get to work on building equipment. Can't wait to see what you've got for me to use."

Rupert led him out the door past Earl, who watched them head out the door. He quietly hoped this would be the end of it before following.


	4. The Switch

The sliding metal doors creaked as they pushed open.

Rupert and Earl entered the laboratory, where they saw Retro working tirelessly at a desk across from them. He didn't even seem to notice their arrival as he continued staring intently at the desk, grabbing tools and mechanical parts from nearby desks, and applying them to whatever he was working on.

Earl stopped and waited as Rupert approached, trying to maintain his professionalism, but still coming across as a child peeking at his Christmas present as he looked over Retro's shoulder at what he was working on.

The device was unmistakable from its previous iterations. The helmet and dial operated system remained the same, albeit with some minor aesthetic defections, from the lack of resources he had been given.

"And what is _this_?" Rupert asked, maintaining his blank tone, although on the inside, he was giddy.

"It's the Imaginator," Retro said. "It's a little rough, of course, seeing as how I didn't have all the pieces I needed. But it's here. Should be serviceable."

"Imaginator?" Earl asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yes, yes… Think of it as a… as a 3D printer…," Retro said, twirling his hands around. "The device pulls your thoughts into the computer and uses a dark matter manipulator to create the thought physically. You would be surprised what you can do with dark matter. Building blocks of reality right here. Counterfeiting is a breeze, naturally."

Earl couldn't hold back the bewildered look on his face.

Retro caught this and looked up. "What?"

"Nothing," Earl said. "I just… and I thought _we_ were mustache twirling-ly evil."

Retro waved him off and continued working.

Rupert took a step back and furrowed his brow. "But… it can _kill_ him, _right_?"

Retro stopped working. He looked up at Rupert, sharing his expression of madness. "A hundred times over," he said, grinning. "But we can't do that… Death is too _good_ for him…"

An insane smile spread across Rupert's face. "Finally… Someone who understands…"

"We'll take turns," Retro continued, excitement building in his eyes. "I'll have a minute with him, then you can… How does that sound?"

Rupert looked back and forth between Retro and the device before him. "You might have to fight to get your turn."

Retro stifled a chuckle. "When you see the things that I have in mind for him, I don't think you'll mind…"

Earl switched his gaze between the two lunatics, worriedly. "Er, sirs… You should keep in mind that if you just plan on torturing him… He could escape and beat us. Something he's known for doing _repeatedly_."

Rupert waved Earl off. "We'll kill him, of course. We just need a little fun at first…"

"If you have an Imaginator, you can kill him, bring him back, and kill him again. Why don't you just do that? That would be a lot safer..."

"Earl…," Rupert said, slowly.

Earl stopped. "Yes, your highness?"

"We _will _kill him. But we need to make sure he _feels_ it."

"He _deserves_ to feel it." Retro growled.

Earl raised his head in thought. He looked back and forth between the two and could almost see the lack of lucidity growing from within them. Retro's head twitched, ever so slightly.

"Understood," he said, finally.

* * *

Hobbes walked into Calvin's room. In the nearby bathroom, he heard the sounds of the running sink as Calvin brushed his teeth and did his usual pre-bedtime routine.

The tiger looked around the room with a nostalgic expression on his face. In all the thirty years of adventuring, Calvin's bedroom still looked the same as it had when he first saw it. Bed in the corner by the window. Desk sitting adjacent with an overhead lamp from 1987 and unfinished homework from 1992. Closet stuffed to the brim with clothes and inventions that Calvin had created over the years. Toys littering the floor, some of which were abandoned inventions that the boy never finished, as most of the new ideas these days were eventually turned into features on the MTM.

And of course, the old cardboard box with the words TIME MACHINE scribbled across the side. The box was in remarkably pristine shape for its age. Although obviously showing some signs of wear here and there, there were positively no rips to the outside, and the tape holding the bottom closed had somehow managed to survive the countless outings it had been on without needing to be replaced. Hobbes wasn't even sure he remembered what that box originally held. Who would have guessed it would have turned into such an icon?

Hobbes looked at all of this in deep thought. If he was an imaginary friend… and time was moving forward again… What was going to happen to him when Calvin grew up? Was he going to abandon him? Was he going to cease to be? Would he just be thrown in one of these boxes to be forgotten to time, as the boy moved on with his own life?

Hobbes moved over to the bed and sat down on it, still looking around, sadly. What if his time was actually limited now? Calvin had turned seven… Most kids stop having imaginary friends at eight…

But then again, if he _were_ an imaginary friend, why would he be worried about being one? Wouldn't that worry just be an extension of Calvin's worry? He seemed fine. He didn't even seem to have any concern at all about it. What's more, how was he able to talk to Mom that one time in the living room? Or Andy and Sherman? Were Andy and Sherman imaginary too? No, they couldn't be. He'd seen Andy talking to Mom and Dad before. Was Socrates? Hobbes had a really hard time picturing that _that_ tiger wasn't real…

"Something on the mind?" a British voice suddenly interjected with Hobbes' thoughts, causing him to jump.

"Jeeze…," the tiger grumbled. "I forget you're here sometimes…"

"Well that's not very nice," MTM said, blankly. "I'm just one of the most powerful AIs in the universe, don't mind me."

Hobbes stopped as he looked down at the CD player, which sat idly at Calvin's bedside desk.

"Are… Are you…?" he started.

"Yes, I am real," MTM replied.

Hobbes' brow furrowed. "Have you been reading my mind again?" he demanded.

"I don't have much else to do at this point," MTM said. "Be lucky you and Calvin don't have access to the internet. Boy oh boy, what a circus _that's_ turned into…"

"How many times have I told you to not do that?!"

"No idea. Haven't counted. Would you like my input?"

"No!" Hobbes turned around and crossed his arms. Then: "…_ Maybe_…"

"Excellent." MTM said. "Would you like the cold hard facts answer, or the emotionally feels good answer?"

Hobbes paused. "Erm... Cold hard facts, please."

"Cool," MTM said. "Good job, not very many people would pick that. Here we go. If you _are_, in fact, a figment of Calvin's imagination, then tell me, would you know the difference?"

"What do you mean?" Hobbes asked.

"If you just ceased to exist… If Calvin were to 'outgrow' you, as it were… as sad as that may be… How would you even be aware of it at all?"

"But I _am _aware of it!"

"I know. Isn't that curious?"

"But what if you aren't real? What if _you're _a figment of Calvin's imagination? You're in the same boat as me if that's true!"

"Okay? What if I am? What exactly is an existential crisis going to do for me?"

"But…"

"Take this into example. If you and I don't exist… If you and I are both a part of Calvin's mind, then this conversation isn't even happening. This is all happening in Calvin's head. Now, I don't know about you, but conversations in someone's head… That strikes me as a bit crazy. As in, 'danger to society, should be locked up crazy'. Does Calvin strike you as that kind of crazy?"

"Well… No?" Hobbes started. "But would he, if he were that crazy?"

"Indeed, we could present examples to each other countering arguments like this forever," MTM said. "In the end, where does that get us? Nowhere. So if we are, in fact, part of Calvin's mind… What's the point in being upset about it?"

"But… if we are, then Calvin must be aware of it. He must be scared that we're going to be gone soon. Right?"

"I haven't the faintest idea."

"You can read minds though!" Hobbes said, throwing his paws up. "Why don't you tell me?"

"If I'm a figment of Calvin's imagination, how would I know what thoughts are his, and what are my own?"

Hobbes paused. "Er…"

"No point in worrying about it, my dude," MTM said. "Just take the blows as they come. I'm sure we'll find out soon enough."

"Have you always known about this?"

"I've always considered it a possibility. But I consider everything as a possibility. When you're able to look into alternate dimensions and peek into the realm of infinity, it tends to happen. Would you like to hear about the universe where we're an old comic strip?"

"No…," Hobbes moaned, falling back onto the bed.

"You sure? It's pretty interesting. People write fanfiction about us. Some of them are even readable!"

Before Hobbes could reply, the door opened, and Calvin came strolling in, in his pajamas with his usual bored expression on his face.

"Already in bed, huh?" he droned.

"Yeah…," Hobbes started. "Just talking to MTM."

Calvin opened his bottom dresser drawer and climbed inside, closing it around him. Then, each drawer opened and closed a little, ascending all the way to the top one, and he popped out of the top one, climbing out and into the bed. He crawled under the covers and switched his bedside lamp off, plunging the room into darkness. "MTM, activate bedside security system."

"On it," MTM said. "Proximity alarm and motion detection are all fully functional. Dimensional portals under the bed and in your closet are still tightly sealed. No monsters in either."

"Wonderful," Calvin nodded. "G'night, MTM."

"Goodnight."

For a while, Calvin and Hobbes lay in silence in the bed. Hobbes stared at the ceiling.

Finally, he heard Calvin's voice. "I'm not ready for this, Hobbes..."

Hobbes turned and looked at his companion, only seeing the back of his head, as he faced away from the tiger. "Ready for what?"

"This whole growing up thing. I'm just now starting to realize how much this sucks. For the first time in however long, I don't know what's going to happen. And that's pretty scary."

Hobbes paused. "We still have a couple more weeks. Tomorrow, we'll figure something fun out, and we'll make the most of the time we have. It'll be okay in the end."

"I know…," Calvin sighed. "But still… Promise me one thing, will you?"

"Hmm?"

"You'll stay with me through it all, right?"

There was a long moment of silence, as Hobbes stared at the back of Calvin's head in uncertainty.

"Of course I will…," he said, finally. "I'll never leave your side, buddy…"

"Better not…," Calvin yawned. "I'm not dealing with the idiots in college by myself. Could barely deal with them in first grade."

Hobbes chucked. "Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere."

Hobbes patted Calvin's head, then cuddled into the pillow himself.

He had to be real. There was no way he wasn't.

… Right?

* * *

The Imaginator beeped and hummed as Rupert's spaceship quickly began approaching the Earth. Rupert stood at the window observing the planet as they grew ever closer, and Retro fiddled with the machine, nearby.

"We've other smaller encounters, but that's it. Those were the main plans…," Rupert said, slowly. "Isolating them… Turning them against each other… separating them from friends… Always fails…"

"Do you ever think why?" Retro asked, standing up.

Rupert looked over at Retro curiously.

"Everything seems to go awry as soon as the other little brats notice Calvin is missing," Retro said, approaching the window with Rupert. "We just have to make sure this time they don't."

Rupert nodded. "Yes. And just _how_ do you plan on doing that?"

* * *

Calvin lay motionless in bed. A small puddle of drool was forming on his pillow as he slept, and beside him was Hobbes and MTM. Hobbes was snoring, and the very faint sound of a radio show was heard from the MTM's speakers.

Suddenly, with no indication of it or any flash of light to give it away, Calvin was suddenly gone. The covers lingered in his shape for a brief moment, before slowly falling down. The radio show paused on MTM's end for a moment.

"Motion detected. What's that then?" he said. "Scanning for lifeforms." There was a moment of silence as the machine hummed to itself. "Oooh boy. Calvin's missing. Time to sound the alarm."

MTM began prepping a very loud alarm sound to wake Hobbes up, when all of a sudden, a new signal reached his scanners. The CD player paused.

The signal was garbled and distorted, almost as if it wasn't even there. Then the sound came. The sound of cicadas. The sound of wind that wasn't wind. The sounds of whispering.

"Oh, it's you," MTM said. "Listen, mate, I don't have time for conversation. I think a new adventure is coming up so if you could…?"

Suddenly, the MTM felt something interfering with his circuits. The whispering got louder.

"You… you can do that? Okay, you've never interacted with this universe before, I honestly didn't think you could… This could be bad. This could be really bad. I'm going to have to ask you to… Hey! Stop it! Emergency! Emergency! There's an emergency going…!"

_Zzzt..._

Hobbes rolled over in bed and snorted.

Beside him, the MTM fizzled and buzzed for a moment, as the whispering slowly began fading away.

There was a moment of silence.

Suddenly, the sounds of the radio show began coming from the MTM's speakers once again.

"Hmmm…," MTM said in a low voice. "Weird. I feel like I missed a good chunk of the best part."

* * *

Calvin floated in the air, still in his pajamas and the exact same position he was in bed in, over the top of the glowing Imaginator in Rupert's ship.

Rupert and Retro stared at him in desperate vengefulness.

"I've never seen him this vulnerable before…," Rupert grunted under his breath. "We could just… kill him _now_…"

"Hold on there, friend," Retro said, picking the helmet of the Imaginator up and placing it on Calvin's head. "Let's not forget the plan, here."

Retro secured the helmet on the boy's head, and began flipping switches and turning dials on the device before him.

At that moment, Earl slithered into the room as he observed the happenings. He looked at Calvin, then looked over at Retro and Rupert, who were busy clicking away on their own respective computers.

"Everything going to plan?" he asked, starting at the sleeping child with an expressionless face.

"Better than," Rupert said, slithering over to his companion. "Watch this…"

There was a flash of light and an exact replica of Calvin appeared in the air next to the original. Pajamas and all, as he slept in the exact same position as his counterpart.

Earl watched this, blankly.

"Done…," Retro grinned, looking up at Calvin and his duplicate. "They'll never know."

"What's stopping this duplicate from just coming back and coming after us later?" Earl asked.

"Oh, Earl, you think we didn't think of that?" Rupert chuckled.

"The duplicate doesn't share Calvin's morality," Retro explained. "It'll be the perfect disguise, but once it comes down to us coming down to Earth, it won't feel any need to do anything about it. Then we just go by and delete it. Simple as that."

Earl nodded. "Okay... Should we do a brain scan of it to make sure it's enough like Calvin to pass off as him?"

"No time," Retro said. "Don't worry, Earl. It's perfect."

"How is there no time?"

Retro waved Earl off. "He has a security system down in his bedroom. I need to get this duplicate down there before it notices he's gone if it hasn't already."

"We don't need to anyway," Rupert said, looking the duplicate up and down. "It's perfect. Heck, it might even be an improvement…"

Retro nodded and pushed another button on the Imaginator. The duplicate vanished in a flash of light, and Calvin slowly began sinking to the ground.

Rupert and Retro stared at him for a long throbbing moment. Earl looked between the two, wondering when they were going to make their next move.

"I finally have him…," Rupert growled.

"_We _have him…," Retro grinned.

"This time he won't get away from us…," Rupert growled in a deeper tone, as he pushed a button on the nearby console, causing Calvin to be teleported away.

"I hope…," Earl muttered under his breath.

* * *

Rosalyn sat comfortably on the couch, reading a book. She looked up, as she saw headlights approaching from outside. She quickly put her book away in her purse, and messed up her hair as she stood up. She walked over to the door and answered it as Mom and Dad approached with apprehensive expressions on their faces.

"So…," Mom started. "How did it go?"

"Surprisingly, not as bad as usual," Rosalyn said, as she limped out of the house. "I didn't feel any blood vessels popping behind my eyes tonight."

Mom and Dad breathed collective sighs of relief.

"Oh… Oh thank god…," Dad sighed. "Here's an extra ten for your troubles. Thank you _so_ much for this, Rosalyn."

"It's not a problem. I'm just glad you continue to employ my services. Always available."

Rosalyn thanked them as she took the ten and limped off towards her car.

Mom and Dad watched her go. "I still have no idea how we keep getting her to agree to come here," Dad murmured thoughtfully.

"Let's not question it. Let's just be thankful she's willing to go through all this," Mom sighed, as the two entered the house.

They took off their coats, and walked into the kitchen.

"Shall we go check on him?" Mom asked. "See if he's asleep yet?"

"I guess one could be hopeful," Dad said.

The two started up the stairs towards Calvin's room. Slowly, Mom turned the handle and the two peered inside of the room.

Calvin was lying in bed, his eyes shut as he tightly gripped his stuffed tiger to his side. He breathed slowly and steadily as the two looked down at him.

"Gee… he's just so innocent-looking when he's asleep…," Mom said.

"I know right?" Dad whispered. "Imagine what someone who didn't know him would think when they saw him right now?"

Slowly, the two pulled their heads out from the door and closed it behind them.

For a moment all was silent in the room, as Calvin and Hobbes remained motionless in their beds.

Suddenly, Calvin's eyes burst open. Except they were unmistakably _not_ Calvin's eyes. A certain darkness surrounded them, as he stared at the now closed door in which his parents had very shortly been at.

A wide and evil grin spread across his face as he stared fixedly at the door.

And he maintained that evil smile as he stared at the door for the rest of the night, even as he dozed off.


	5. The Two Calvins

**Author's Note: **_Apologies for the lack of update last week, but alas, I had to work all day. But hey - it was a nifty place for a cliffhanger, right?_

* * *

His face hurt, for one thing. In fact, he felt like his whole body was sore. All his joints and aches felt like they belonged in the body of a much older man. Not a seven-year-old kid.

Calvin stirred on the floor and slowly opened his eyes. Man, he was cold. This whole room was cold, metal, grimy… Decidedly _not _his bedroom. Stretching a crick out of his neck, he blinked himself as awake as he could, his brain immediately going into overdrive.

_Now if only I could make my brain alert this quickly on school days_…

Rubbing his arms in the chilliness of the room, he looked himself over. Still in his pajamas. So he wasn't dreaming. Because how often do you dream that you're in your pajamas? Especially loose-fitting teddy-bear jammies? At least it wasn't a onesie. He couldn't bear to face down an evil enemy in a onesie.

That being said, at least a onesie would cover his feet and protect them from the freezing cold of the metal floor. He kept an eye out for anything he might accidentally step on with his bare feet, but nothing was there. Not even a line of rivets holding the floor together. The entire surface was perfectly smooth. So probably not human.

It was then that his heart began to sink and his stomach did a backflip. Odds are, this was some kind of holding cell on Rupert's ship. It had finally happened. After a prolonged period of inactivity, Rupert was back. The aliens had abducted him. And while he was sleeping, too! So unfair! No inventions, no friends, not even sneakers!

Mentally reminding himself to call a lawyer when he got the chance, he began looking for some kind of exit. Nothing to be found. The room was nothing but blank walls. No points of entry anywhere. But there had to be something in here. He'd entered. Therefore, there must be an exit. He set to work.

He quietly padded around the room and began to feel the walls. Must be something. Must be something. But he didn't feel any signs of a hidden door. No dents or shafts of any kind. He tapped on the walls, but at no point did any section of them feel at all hollow. Nothing on any of them.

Must be something. _Must be something_.

He circled the room four times trying this, but it was becoming increasingly clear that there was _nothing_. He fell to the floor in frustration, holding his head in his hands and grunting before forcing himself to calm down. No point in panicking. It would just waste precious time. Think for a bit. Pretend you're anywhere but class and _think_.

He was silent for a long time. No mean feat for this kid. Wait and wait and think and wait and think and think and wait and think…

And… listen?

His head came up. He could hear something. What could he hear? Something… humming. Something was humming. Like an engine or a modem or a… power source? But where was it coming from? He listened for a long time before padding over to the source.

One of the walls was humming. He could hear it. He placed a hand on this wall, and instead of pounding on it, like he had before, he pressed his hand closer to it, holding it there. It was most definitely humming.

Clearly, there was more to this wall than met the eye. He pressed a little harder. Now that he looked closely, he could see small ripples radiating out from his fingers, like when you gently poke the screen of a laptop. The wall wasn't real. It was a force field.

Grinning triumphantly, Calvin peered up and down at the wall, and then realized something else he hadn't considered – the floor. He got down on his hands and knees near the wall and listened very carefully. He could still hear humming from beneath him, so he sidled along the wall, moving wherever the sound got a bit louder. Then, he found a section of floor that felt a tad hollower than the rest. Pounding a couple times, he found that he could force his way through the section and, after a few more pounds, it dented enough that he could slip his fingers under the edge and pull it up.

There it was. The generator projecting the force field. He reached inside and found a few colored wires. He gave them a careful tug, and the wall flickered with interference for a moment before solidifying. He needed the force field to stay up after he left to deflect suspicion. Working carefully, he gave the wires another tug, this time holding them for a bit longer. The wall flickered like an old TV for a bit longer, and, hoping the floor was perfectly smooth all the way through, Calvin dove like a football player under it and slid on his front to the other side.

He subsequently crashed into another wall, sending him spinning around, and he saw the wall solidify once again. He'd done it. He was out.

Getting up and dusting himself off, he walked down the corridor. Not a lot around. A few doors here and there, but he recognized it as Rupert's ship. He listened some more, seeing as how it'd helped him in the cell, and he could hear… cartoons?

Curious, he followed the sound and made his way to the source. It was a small room with some tables and chairs, and in the middle of it all was a large TV that took up a corner of the room. A few of the alien crew were sitting around, sipping drinks and having lunch.

Calvin smiled ruefully. Good to know these guys hadn't changed much.

Feeling a bit safer for the moment, he wandered inside and observed them. "Hey, guys," he said casually.

The few aliens looked up and smiled amiably. "Hey!"

"Whatcha up to?"

"Oh, just watching TV while we guard the Earth Potentate."

"I see… How's it going?"

"Kinda boring," said Carl. "He hasn't tried to escape or anything."

"Yeah, he's asleep, so maybe when he wakes up," added Lenny.

Calvin nodded. "So… what's the big plan?"

Lenny shrugged. "Not sure. We're just kinda following orders right now."

"Yeah, we'll have more to do later when it's time to start work," said Carl.

"And what exactly are Rupert and Earl up to?"

"Not sure about that either. They haven't given us a lot of details."

"Yeah, neither has that guy they're working with."

Calvin blinked. "Guy? There's a guy?"

"Yeah, someone they teamed up with. Kinda weird, but he's helping them out," said Carl, taking a sip from his drink. "Anyway, they're planning to torture the Earth Potentate, so that's a thing that's happening."

"Torture, huh?"

"Yeah, we're not entirely sure what that involves," said Lenny, "but they seem to know what they're doing."

"I hope it's a tickle fight," said Carl eagerly. "Tickle fights are the _best_!"

"Yeah!" agreed Lenny. "Although, Earl doesn't allow them anymore in the drive room. Says it makes the ship go all funny."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Yeah, great… Well, I'll leave you guys to it. See ya later."

"See ya!" they said brightly, and they resumed their cartoons like nothing ever happened.

Slipping out the door, Calvin snuck along the corridor. Time to start investigating this new team member.

* * *

Hobbes stirred in bed. After his talk with the MTM and a good night's sleep, he actually felt refreshed. He rolled over in bed and started to prepare himself for going about his day. What was on the docket? Eat breakfast. Sleep in a sunbeam. Eat lunch. Sleep on a recently-vacated chair. Eat another lunch. Chase some rabbits and birds. Sleep in a field. Eat dinner. Sleep in bed again.

Yep, it all seemed in order.

Unless Calvin thought of something else to do, which he probably would. Something perilous and life-threatening, no doubt. A villain to defeat. A world to save. A school to escape. Something like that.

He glanced over to see if Calvin had any such ideas when he found his friend was not, in fact, there. The other half of the bed was empty. Frowning, he got up and looked around. Pajamas discarded on the floor. The dresser drawers were haphazardly opened. A few objects were scattered on the floor.

"Someone's a little whirlwind of destruction this morning," he muttered.

Deciding he might want to skip breakfast just in case his friend was up to mischief, he slipped out of bed, did an abbreviated version of his usual stretches, and then went downstairs and out the front door. He sniffed the air for his scent, and found something similar to it not too far away.

He noticed on a sidewalk a woman walking along with a bag of groceries. She was tall and slim, wearing a nice sundress and a big floppy hat. She was talking incessantly on a cellphone but, otherwise, not doing anything out of the ordinary. Seemed to be cheerfully just minding her own business.

That's why it was a shock to Hobbes when she was suddenly sprayed with a jet of cold water that sent her bag flying through the air and her phone to the sidewalk as she tried to shield herself. She let out a shriek of horror as her life briefly went all topsy-turvy, resulting in her sprinting down the walk, abandoning her possessions and screaming away.

Hobbes observed all this in stupefied silence, dimly aware he was gaping. What in the world…?

Then, he heard familiar laughing coming from the bush. He turned in shock. It couldn't be, could it? He wouldn't, would he?

But it was. There was Calvin, holding the garden hose in his hand and laughing his butt off as the lady ran off down the street. He tossed the nozzle aside and enjoyed making a mess of her spilled groceries.

Hobbes walked uncertainly up to him. "So…," he said slowly. "Are we enjoying random acts of cruelty today? Thought we were past that sort of thing."

Calvin stopped what he was doing and seemed startled by Hobbes' presence. "What are _you _doing here?" he demanded.

Hobbes shrugged. "Well, what with your sudden interest in hosing down helpless civilians, I thought it prudent to swing by and maybe make you stop?"

"You're not the boss of me, hairball! You don't get to tell me what to do!"

His temper briefly flared, but the tiger held it together. "Why did you just spray that woman down? You probably broke her phone in the process."

Calvin blinked, then spotted the phone on the pavement. He bent down, picked it up and swiped the screen. He held up the display to Hobbes. "Nah, still works," he said, before promptly dropping it again, and this time very deliberately stepping on it.

Hobbes stared at him, very disturbed. "What's the deal? Second grade's getting you down, so you decide you'll destroy everything before you go?"

"I feel like you're talking, but all I hear is 'blah-blah-blah-blah-blahhhh'," Calvin replied. "Now back off before I make you into a rug, furball. I got things to do."

"Such as?"

Calvin reached down and picked up a piece of gravel. He turned and whipped it into the street just as a car was going by. It bounced off the top as it drove past.

Hobbes jumped in surprise at this. He was even more shocked when Calvin started to scoop up more gravel and whip each piece into traffic, laughing like a lunatic as he did so. Cars honked and tires squealed as he repeated this over and over.

"Stop that!" he shouted. "You're going to hurt someone!"

"Oh, they're humans. They probably deserve it!" Calvin replied, laughing nastily. "Here, let's see if I can skip three windshields at once…"

But Hobbes wrapped his paw around Calvin's much smaller hand and pulled him away, making him drop the rocks. The boy let out a shriek of fury before picking some more up, but this time, he started throwing them at Hobbes!

Hobbes was just barely able to duck each one, thanks to his feline reflexes. As he dodged each rock, he backed away, hoping to get back to the house before this escalated too far. Something was up with his friend, but what could it possibly be?

At last, Calvin ran out of rocks to throw and just settled for jumping Hobbes, grabbing him around the middle and trying to knock him down. Thankfully, the boy was still just that – a boy, and therefore, not very strong. Hobbes staggered awkwardly as his friend tried to bite and kick him, but all he got was a mouthful of fur and a sore leg from kicking the wrong way. He managed to pry him off and retreat to the house.

"Yeah, that's right! Run!" Calvin shouted, still spitting the orange and black fur from his mouth. "Thanks for ruining my fun, you jerk!"

Hobbes didn't listen. He just shut the door and locked it. He peered out the door, but Calvin wasn't following him. He was still getting his tongue fur-free and trying to get some feeling back into his leg. Feeling frightened, he turned and ran up the stairs towards the bedroom.

Once there, he ran to the desk and turned on the MTM.

"MTM! Wake up! Something's wrong!"

MTM's display lit up, and he seemed to yawn a bit. "Morning," he said. "What's the plan for the day, then?"

"Something's up with Calvin. I don't know what or why, but for some reason, he's… I don't know… dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"Like making a mess of things, hosing down passersby, throwing rocks at cars, attacking _me_…"

"Oh, 'felony dangerous'. That's no good…"

"Yeah, no _kidding_! We need to figure out what's up with him!"

"Okay, where is he?"

"Outside."

"Let me scan him. I'll see what's going on in his head."

Hobbes took the chrome CD player in his paw and held him up to the window where Calvin was still throwing rocks around. Discreetly, the MTM sent out a thin green laser beam that got into Calvin's head and scanned everything going on inside.

A moment later, the beam disappeared, and the CD player was quiet.

"… Well?" Hobbes asked.

"… It's not Calvin."

"It's not?"

"No. The cells in his body are his, but they're fresh. Like, brand new. Created recently. It's a duplicate."

"Oh, great," Hobbes groaned. "It's the evil twin saga."

"Seems like it. The question is, what is this Calvin supposed to do?"

"Only one thing for it. Call the guys. Goodness knows how long it is until he figures out we've already… well, figured him out."

Hobbes shut the window, but he peered down one last time at the evil copy of his friend. They needed to sort this out before his friend had a criminal record.

* * *

Meanwhile, the _real _Calvin continued his lonesome trek through the ship. He'd been walking for nearly an hour, which was no mean feat with no shoes on. He wished his parents would get him a dang pair of slippers. He hated this cold floor.

_Man, did they add levels to this ship? I don't remember it being _nearly _this big last time_…

He hated this so much. Not just the needless physical activity, but the uncertainty of his situation. How long had he been on the ship? It could've been days, for all he knew. And they took him in just his jimjams. Not much he could do in the way of defending himself. Not a single one of his gadgets was present. None of his friends were with him.

Not that he knew of, anyway. For all he knew, they were each locked away in separate cells. Well, if they were, he could rely on them to escape themselves. If not, he would find the main control room and rescue them. He only hoped Andy was in _his _pajamas, too, so that he wouldn't feel so left out.

If they _weren't _here, and he was _truly _on his own, he would need to start planning what to do if he was suddenly attacked. Fast reflexes and a black belt in mouthing off would only get him so far. There had to be something he could do for defense. Something that would get him out of trouble.

Worst case scenario, he was pretty sure he knew where the escape pods were. He could find one and use it to get back to Earth. Then destroy the tracking device so they couldn't find him. Which, of course, meant that he'd have to hide somewhere far from home. Unless that left his friends open to some sort of attack. Not that they couldn't take care of themselves, but…

Maybe he was overthinking this. The stress of his impending second grade was seeping into his brain again. Rubbing his temples, he peered down the long corridor before him.

"_Having fun_?"

Calvin jumped and flung himself against the wall, looking in both directions. No sign of him. But that had definitely been _him_.

"_I do hope you're enjoying your little walking tour of my ship_," Rupert's voice continued. "_Been a while since you've been here. Feel free to _not _trash the place while you're visiting_."

"… Where are you, Rupert?" Calvin demanded.

"_Oh, I'm somewhere around. Speaking to you through an intercom._"

"Must be pretty fancy, because I can't see one anywhere."

"_Not surprising. You primitive humans still haven't gotten far enough out of the primordial ooze to properly deal with advancing yourselves. Too busy contemplating your pointless navels._"

"At least we have navels to contemplate, Mr. Hatched-From-an-Egg-Like-Some-Kind-of-Freak."

"_Oh, now that was just rude._"

"What do you want, Rupert?"

"_You know what I want, Earth Potentate_…"

"… To borrow a cup of sugar?"

"_What? No._"

"Help with your trig homework?"

"_No…_"

"For it to be Christmas every day?"

"_No! Stop it! Shut up!_"

Calvin smirked triumphantly as he listened to the alien king catch his breath and calm himself down. A throat-clearing later, and the voice returned.

"_I want my revenge. Payback for all you did to me._"

"All I did to you was in self-defense," Calvin replied calmly. "You can't expect to take over my planet and think I'm just going to let you do it."

Rupert gave a throaty laugh that sounded a million times creepier when it was just the voice. "_Oh, you small little human… You've had your fun. But I'm through with the games. Through with chasing you around. It's time the bad little boy was put in time out._"

"Well, _now _you're just acting _weird_."

"_You told me if I was going to try and kill you again, I had to step up my game. So… let's see if I can…_"

"… What does that mean?"

The sound of a door hissing open came from his right. He turned and a familiar man standing in the doorway with an equally-familiar device at his side.

"Well, well, well," Retro said in his sickly sly voice. "Look who we have here…"


	6. Gallery of Rogues

Calvin and Retro stared at each other for a long moment. Retro advanced towards him with a large grin on his face, while Calvin's face remained blank.

"Huh..." He said finally.

"Surprised to see me, boy?" Retro sneered, circling the seven year old with his arms resting behind his back.

"Not really, no," Calvin shrugged. "Figured this would happen eventually. It's kind of like when you spill your milk all over your sandwich. You hope it's not going to happen, but odds are eventually it will."

"You're equating my alliance with the Zokians to spilling your milk?" Retro asked, glaring down at him.

Calvin nodded. "Back in the olden days, the equivalent to this would have been Moe and Rosalyn teaming up to bother me."

"Who are...? Never mind, shut up!" Retro growled, bringing his hands around and revealing the imaginator. "You aren't going to be..."

"You seriously made that thing _again?"_ Calvin sighed, looking Retro up and down. "Don't you think maybe it's time to mix things up a bit?"

"I..."

"I mean come on, even Rupert would change his plans up... sort of..."

"SHUT UP!"

Calvin raised an eyebrow and smiled sweetly.

"You are in no position to talk down to me, you little brat!" Retro shouted, angrily jamming the helmet onto his head.

"So many ways you could just instantly kill me with that thing," Calvin muttered under his breath.

There was a flash of light, and all of a sudden, a large lizard like creature with blue scales and a green frills on its back appeared behind Retro. It roared, revealing multiple rows of jagged teeth lining the inside of its mouth.

"..And you just don't do it..."

"Kill him!" Retro shouted, jamming his finger at Calvin.

The monster roared once more and plowed forward, knocking Retro over in the process. Calvin began backing up as he eyed the creature a bit longer, before he high tailed it and sprinted off in the other direction. Behind him, he heard the sounds of the creature tearing through the ship, grunting and growling as it barreled towards him. Calvin could feel his bare feet slipping on the metal floor as he ran, barely keeping ahead of the monster.

* * *

Rupert and Earl watched this from a monitor several floors above. Earl watched with slightly less excitement than Rupert, his face showing no emotion. "You allow him to make that?" he asked.

"I told him to." Rupert grinned.

"It's tearing the ship apart." Earl pointed out, motioning towards the clear damage the creature was making on the walls as it rumbled forward.

"Just the lower decks," Rupert said, in a tone as though he had barely even registered what Earl had said. "It's fine, it's... perfect... Isn't it?"

Earl looked at Rupert, maintaining his emotionless expression. "Yeah..." He said, finally. "Yeah, it's perfect..."

* * *

Calvin slipped and slid his way around a corner of the corridor, slamming into the steel wall as he did so. He quickly regained himself and kept running, hearing the sound of the beast right behind him. As he ran, he spotted an air duct on the wall close to another corner. He made a dive for it and grabbed the grate. In one swift motion, he yanked it off and dove inside the duct, narrowing avoiding the claw of the creature swiping at him.

For a moment, all Calvin heard was the sound of the powerful claws scraping at the metal as he moved down the tunnel as far from the opening as he could go. The walls shook and dust fell from the ceiling over the boy's head, as he continued backing away. As he backed up however, he felt the floor end, as his hand backed over an empty piece of air.

His heart skipped a beat as he tumbled downward into the darkness, bumping down the metal piping, before suddenly finding himself colliding with cold hard floor once again.

He groaned and rubbed his sore bottom, as he stood up and began absorbing his new surroundings.

The walls were tall and stretched high above the boy to a ceiling far higher than he had seen in any Earth made structure. The walls were lined with electronic blue glowing columns that pulsated with energy. Each column had trays with holographic labels above them. In the heart of the room was a glowing blue sign reading HARD LIGHT HOLOGRAPHIC SHELL UNIT.

Calvin looked around the facility for a brief moment, before he looked down at himself, noting he was still in his pajamas.

* * *

The giant double doors of the hologram room opened, with smoke and air hissing out as they slid open, revealing Calvin, now in his usual red T-shirt / black pants and shoes attire. He brushed himself off and nodded with satisfaction, before rushing off back down the corridor, in search of an escape pod.

* * *

The MTM sat motionless on a desk in Sherman's lab. Around him, Hobbes, Socrates, Andy and Sherman were watching him. Hobbes was pacing back and forth, while Socrates was playing a game on his phone. Every few seconds the MTM would beep silently, indicating he was hard at work at something. For the most part, the room was quiet. The only sound was the tapping of Sherman's foot as he impatiently stared the CD player. Finally, he broke the silence.

"It takes you less than thirty seconds to scan the entirety of time and space, looking for someone, but it takes you nearly half an hour to scan one small child's brain?"

"Yes," MTM replied simply.

"Why?!"

"Would you like me to into the technical reasons behind it, or do you want me to finish the scan?" MTM asked.

Socrates perked up. "Ooh! I'm interested to hear the technical bits! Let me get the camera ready!"

"No, Socrates...," Andy sighed.

"Done," MTM suddenly said.

Everyone perked up. They waited for the machine to say more.

"Oh wait... not yet...," MTM said.

Everyone looked back down. Sherman rolled his eyes in annoyance.

"Okay, now I'm done." MTM said again. "It's not Calvin."

"It's what…?" Andy asked, his brow furrowing.

"It took you half an hour to figure that out?" Sherman grumbled.

"Well, we kind of assumed it wasn't Calvin," Hobbes sighed. "Who is it?"

"I don't know," MTM admitted. "The DNA and brain waves are identical to Calvin's, but the cells are resembling that of a newborn's. They're too new to be Calvin's."

There was a moment of silence.

"A duplicate?" Hobbes asked finally.

"It would appear so," MTM replied. "So it would seem that our friend is missing once again."

"So someone probably took him and put a clone in his place," Hobbes sighed.

"Wonderful!" Socrates said, standing up. "Hold on, let me get this!"

Everyone glared at Socrates as he turned his cell phone's camera onto himself and hit the button on it.

"So we're here in Sherman's lab and we just uncovered a horrible discovery that our friend is not who he seems!"

"Socrates, I am going to shove that phone down your throat...," Sherman groaned.

"Over here we have Hobbes and Andy and we're preparing to..."

"Socrates!" Hobbes shouted, causing his fellow tiger to jump in surprise.

"What up, Hobbo?" the tiger said, pausing the recording.

"Our friend is missing? Perhaps we should vlog a bit later?"

"You and I both know he's doing just fine, Hobbes," Socrates said, patting Hobbes on the shoulder. "How many scuffs has this kid gotten himself out of?"

"I know but still…," Hobbes said. "He's not exactly out of the woods."

"Fair enough," Socrates conceded, pocketing his phone. "I'll save the recordings for the better bits later on. So who are we calling first?'

Hobbes, Andy and Sherman stared at Socrates for a moment.

"Beg pardon?" Sherman asked.

"You know? Which villain are we calling first?" Socrates repeated, shrugging. "I mean, Calvin has most of them on speed dial at this point. We calling Brainstorm or Rupert first?"

"Oh…," Sherman said, turning back to MTM. "I mean… It was probably Brainstorm that took him."

"Why do you say that?" Andy asked.

"I mean, come on. How often does Rupert attack us as opposed to Frank? Wasn't there a point where he was coming after us on a semi-daily basis?"

"This is true. All right, MTM – call Brainstorm."

"Can do. I'll link him through to the main screen," MTM replied.

The giant monitor fizzled with static for a few moments before they saw the 'call waiting' image. They waited patiently before the image fizzled again, and now, there was a man on the screen that looked vaguely familiar, but it definitely wasn't Dr Brainstorm or Jack.

"Greetings, sub-creatures!" the man declared. "You have reach the residency of your future ruler, Dr Brainstorm! Lord and undisputed ruler of us all!"

Our heroes all took a moment to blink.

"… Did Frank take over the world?" Andy whispered.

Socrates shrugged. "If he did, I feel a little miffed he didn't tell us."

Hobbes cleared his throat. "Uh, to whom are we currently addressing?"

"I am Larry – high chancellor of his Mighty Brainstorm-ness! And also president of his fan club!"

They all stared at him blankly.

Larry seemed to deflate slightly. "We… met during that thing with the aliens?"

Hobbes snapped his fingers. "Oh, _that's _where I know you from!" He paused, not sure what to say. "… How've you been?"

"Oh, y'know… Keeping busy and stuff."

"Good, good… So, er… Can we… talk to Brainstorm, please?"

Larry immediately regained some of his thunder. "Ha! Insolent mortals! You dare believe that you can just 'talk' to Master Brainstorm? We have become an unholy army of warriors on his behalf! And as you are all recognized as enemies of our leader, any attempt to reach him will be met with the utmost hostility!"

"Oh? How so?"

Larry held his pose for as long as he could, but eventually, he deflated again. "I… don't really… I mean, I _do _know, and I'm just… not going to tell _you_… Okay? Just bear in mind it's going to suck _so much _if you _do _try, okay? I mean… _major _suckage!"

"You don't have a plan, do you?"

"I do, too! Of course, I do!" He immediately looked somewhere off-camera. "Psst! Cindy! What plan do we have in case they attempt to take Lord Brainstorm's life?"

A female voice could be heard in the distance. "Lord Brainstorm? I thought it was 'Master Brainstorm'…"

"That's not important! We need a plan in case these guys succeed in infiltrating the base!"

"Oh, well… I dunno. We were going to make cookies later…"

"Darn it, Cindy! It's always the cookies with you!"

"What? I thought you liked them!"

"That's not the point! We need to figure out how we're going to destroy these guys before they kill our exalted leader!"

A new voice from another part of the room spoke up. "How about a Ping-Pong tournament? I'm real good at Ping-Pong!"

"I was thinking something more involving their gruesome deaths…"

"Ugh, Larry, dude, you seriously need to chill with the whole 'killing enemies' thing."

"What do you think we're here for, Gary?!"

Suddenly, a pair of robotic fingers wrapped around the camera, and the image swiveled to reveal Jack peering into the lens. "Okay, thanks, Larry," he said, clearly annoyed. "I'll take communications from here."

"I was doing _fine_, thank you!" Larry's voice said. "I had them cowering and trembling!"

"I can see that. Now how about you go make those dust bunnies under the sofa tremble with fear?"

They heard Larry grumbling as he stalked away with his head bowed.

Jack addressed the screen. "Sorry about that. Can't get these guys to go home. Anyway! To what do I owe the pleasure?"

Hobbes spoke up. "Well, it seems Calvin has been replaced by a clone – and a poor one, at that – and we were wondering if maybe perhaps you guys were behind all this nonsense."

Jack shook his head. "Sorry. Frank's not exactly in an 'evil scheme' mood right now. Hasn't been for weeks, actually."

The image swiveled again, and they saw the sorriest sight ever. Dr Brainstorm was sitting in a recliner, in a bathrobe and slippers. The man hadn't shaved in weeks, his usually clean-shaven face now covered in stubble, and he was apparently eating a banana. Maybe. It was just kind of sitting in his enclosed hand, unpeeled and one bite taken out of it, but nothing beyond that.

"Is… he okay?" asked Andy.

"Not even a little, I'm afraid," Jack replied, turning the image back onto himself. "Poor guy's going through an identity crisis. Has no idea what to do with himself. Seems he's not all that good at the whole 'taking over the world' shtick."

Larry suddenly appeared beside Jack. "But don't think he won't pull through!" he declared. "Master Brainstorm will rule the world and conquer all! Isn't that right, Lord and/or Master Brainstorm?"

They all looked in Brainstorm's direction, but the usually-mad scientist simply sat silently, staring straight ahead at a blank TV.

"… Master Brainstorm?" Larry repeated.

Dr Brainstorm finally spoke, but what he had to say was neither inspiring nor insightful.

"… Eh…"

They all stared in bewilderment at the sorry sad-act before them. Once an apparently unstoppable force of energy and optimism, he was now slumped over and unengaging.

"… He'll come around!" Larry said, totally confident in his delusions. "Just you all wait and see."

"Dust bunnies, Larry!" Jack grumbled, shoving him out of the frame again. "Anyway, it's not us causing trouble right now."

"Well, we could use some help in finding the real Calvin," said Hobbes. "Any chance of some backup?"

"Sorry, Hobbes, but Frank ain't moving anytime soon. If he ever does, I'll give you a call, okay?"

"Yeah, okay, thanks."

The video link was cut, and the group were left alone in the lab again.

"… Okay, _that _was a bust," Hobbes sighed. "Guess that means the only other culprit is Rupert."

"Are we sure?" asked Andy. "I mean, it could be some new bad guy we've never met before."

"Nah, we seem to have a regular rotation of bad guys to fight," said Socrates.

"Plus, the fact that they took Calvin specifically suggests a grudge. Not a lot around here that would fill that role," agreed Sherman.

"Well, we're not getting into space right this second," Hobbes decided. "So maybe we can get someone else on the job. Socrates? Use your transmitter to put in a call to Galaxoid and Nebular."

"On it," Socrates replied.

He tapped the side of his skull a few times, feeling around for the chip, and then his head convulsed briefly as he made a few odd noises like a phone being dialed, and then he went completely still.

"_Now calling – Gal-_ax-oid _and Neb-_u-_lar_…," he said in a robotic voice.

Andy crossed his arms. "He knows it creeps us out when he does it like that…"

Socrates beeped a few times before he made a sound like a phone being picked up, and then, Galaxoid's voice was coming out of his mouth.

"_Greetings, Earth Potentate_," he said. "_To what do we owe this call?_"

"Yeah, 'Earth Potentate' isn't here," said Hobbes. "I'm afraid he's been kidnapped by some unknown force that is probably Rupert and Earl. They tried leaving a clone in his place, but it's clearly not him. We were hoping you guys could track down Rupert's ship and see if you can locate him for us, and we'll travel to you."

"And seeing as how you guys just seem to wander the universe randomly, you're probably already in your ship," added Sherman.

"_I take offense to that_," said Galaxoid severely. "_I'll have you know that we spend our time travelling space to find new and distant worlds, immersing ourselves new places and cultures, broadening our horizons and improving our minds_!"

At that moment, they heard the sound of a door sliding open in the background, and then Nebular's voice was heard.

"_Hey, Galaxoid – I just cued up the latest season of _Fargo_. You in?_"

"_Shhhh! Not a good time!_"

Sherman rolled his eyes.

"That's great, guys," Hobbes sighed. "Anyway – Calvin. Please see if you can track him down."

"_Very well_," Galaxoid sighed. "_We shall report back when we have something_."

Socrates started speaking in his robotic voice again. "_Transmission ended. Resume normal functions in three… two… one…_" He suddenly sneezed, and everything went back to normal. "Y'know, now that I'm actually aware of the conversations happening, that's kinda fun," he remarked cheerily.

"Well!" said Andy. "I guess all we do now is wait."

"Yeah, but for how long?" asked Sherman. "With the vastness of space, it could take a long time for them to track down Calvin."

"Yeah, but probably not _that _long," said Hobbes. "Somehow, we usually don't have a problem finding anything in space…"

"So what do we do in the meantime?" asked Socrates.

"Well," said the MTM, reminding them all that he was still there. "We _could _consider dealing with the Evil Calvin clone entering the house."

"Huh…?"

There was a crash upstairs, and they all turned in time to see the lab door burst open. Then, into the dim light, they could make out the silhouette of the Evil Calvin, glaring down at them in the darkness, hands gripping the handrail around the spiral staircase.

And he didn't look happy.


	7. Is This Really Us?

It was such a bizarre thing to see a duplicate of someone you knew. Especially when the duplicate was so utterly _different_ from the original. Hobbes thought back to all the times Calvin had duplicated himself, including the time he'd included an 'ethicator' to ensure the clone would be completely good. So this was the opposite – a Calvin with any and all morality removed. He could dimly remember remarking – in his usual deadpan fashion – that the ethicator must've done some heavy digging to find his friend's good side. But now, with this creature standing before him, he realized that maybe the real thing wasn't so bad after all.

The Evil Calvin continued to leer down at them from the top of the staircase, casually drumming his fingers on the railing as he seemed to contemplate what to do about them. They were all frozen from the shock of his sudden arrival, so none of them seemed to know what to do. They just stood there, as if hoping that not moving would render them invisible.

"So…," Evil Calvin said in a voice that _sounded _like Calvin but not quite. "What brings you all here?"

Sherman found his voice. "Well… it's _my _lab… and they're just… helping me with some scientific… _stuff_."

"I see… Didn't invite _me_, though, did you?"

"Well," said Andy. "You… seemed busy, what with the whole… damage to public property thing."

"Yeah, and we didn't want to interrupt that flagrant disregard for human decency," said Socrates with an eager nod.

Evil Calvin, however, was apparently not impressed. He started coming down the stairs towards them. "Well, that's a shame. I always enjoy spending time with my _friends_, don't I? I always enjoy whatever silly shenanigans we get up to." He reached the floor and gave a smile that looked all the more frightening in the dim light. "Don't I?"

Hobbes forced a smile to his face. "… Yeah, you do," he said, hoping he sounded casual. "So… wanna do anything? Round of Calvinball? How about we have that GROSS meeting we haven't had in forever? Huh?"

Evil Calvin smiled. "Yeah, that _does _sound fun, Hobbes ol' buddy… _or_… we could see what you're up to _now_."

He jabbed a finger into the MTM's 'play' button, and an image was projected that showed all the data that MTM had accumulated today, including all the info on whether or not Calvin was a duplicate.

"Oh, _now _my projector works," MTM grumbled.

The data spewed across the far wall, and Evil Calvin looked over it with a blank expression.

Socrates immediately tried to place his paw in front of the projector. "Oh, never mind that, Cally-my-pally!" he said with a nervous smile. "Just a bunch of science-y gobbledygook we've been messing around with! Means nothing! Wanna go eat candy or something?"

Evil Calvin silently reached over and pressed the button again, and the image blinked off. He turned to look at the group. His expression was still blank, but his eyes betrayed a deeper feeling that chilled them to the bone.

"You lied to me."

They all felt like taking a step away from him.

"We…," Hobbes stammered. "Well, that is to say… we…"

"You _lied _to me."

"Well, that's a bit harsh, I think," said Sherman, already scurrying to hide in Andy's pocket.

"What kind of friends are you that you'd _lie _to _me_?"

They all took that step back.

"Do you know what I do when people lie to me?"

Socrates cleared his throat. "… Take them out for pizza?"

In one swift movement, Evil Calvin snatched up the MTM and threw him like a frisbee across the lab, where he smashed against the far wall, sending bits of plastic everywhere.

"Ow!" MTM cried as he clattered to the floor

The others stared in open shock, alternating looking between the now dented CD player and the evil duplicate.

"… Frozen yogurt's good, too!" Socrates gulped.

Evil Calvin smiled. "Well, that's your one line of defense taken care of. Now… I get to decide what to do with you…" He reached into his back pocket and pulled out the Hypercube, spinning it on his index finger before settling it in his palm. "And there's just _oodles _of toys my lesser half has created that are packed neatly inside here."

The others stared with growing dread at the cube. So many inventions he could use on them, so little time.

Andy felt something needling his leg from within his pocket, and then he realized it was Sherman trying to get his attention. Glancing down from the corner of his eye, he saw his friend was shoving something up from out of his pocket. Something small and yellow…

"Of course," Andy said quickly, "there's one thing you _don't _have."

Evil Calvin raised an unimpressed eyebrow. "And that is?"

Andy pulled the object out of his pocket. "Time pauser!"

Before anyone could react, the boy pressed down on the little red button, and a white shockwave exploded out from him, freezing everyone where they stood, including their adversary.

It took a long time to move Hobbes and Socrates up the stairs and out onto the sidewalk, but once he was done, he snatched up the broken MTM and made a mad dash to join them before he restarted time a safe distance away.

As soon as time was moving again, they all made a mad dash up the street towards Calvin's house.

"Well!" Andy said, looking pleased with himself. "Suddenly, I'm glad I didn't take that thing out of my pocket a couple days ago."

"Thank goodness your mom didn't notice when she did laundry, _and _that it's waterproof," added Sherman, climb up to his friend's shoulder.

"Solid work, Andrew," said Socrates. "Of course, now we need to get a move on and escape before he finds us."

"Upstairs! Quickly!" said Hobbes.

They hurried through the house and up the stairs towards the bedroom. Once inside, Hobbes started going through the closet until he found the cardboard box and dragged it out.

"Never thought I'd be the one commandeering this thing," he grumbled, "but given the severity of the situation, it might be best if we had transport."

The others agreed and piled inside. Hobbes pressed a drawn-on button, and the box slowly lifted up and into the air before flying out the open window.

"But he's got things like the Transmogrifier gun!" said Andy. "What's to stop him making a rock into a helicopter and following us?"

"Nothing," replied Hobbes. "We'll have to wait and see if he does. MTM – how're you holding up?"

"Performing a damage report as we speak," replied MTM. "Several systems seem to be offline, but a few might still work with auxiliary power."

"Then save whatever power you have. Goodness knows where this is going to go."

"Socrates, get that darn camera out of my face!" Sherman snapped.

"But this is the exciting bit! My viewers will eat this up!" Socrates cried.

* * *

As the box flew out over the neighborhood, they didn't notice the Evil Calvin was emerging from Andy's house and running out into the street. He looked around frantically until he noticed them flying away into the distance. He let out an angry shriek and kicked the ground furiously, throwing one of the most deranged tantrums you ever saw a small boy throw.

But then, he started to tire, and he slowed down, catching his breath. He leaned against a streetlight before his mind started racing. He had a few things to figure out, but he knew one thing. He still had the Hypercube, and it was chockfull of Calvin's inventions, save the MTM and the Time Pauser. Plenty of gadgets that would easily do the job of causing what he wanted most of all – chaos and destruction.

The real Calvin had always had a flair for causing mayhem. The whole reason he invented the Transmogrifier Gun was in the hopes of becoming a pterodactyl that would terrorize the neighborhood until the National Guard came. Of course, now older and wiser, such desires had been tamed, and he now used his inventions in more practical ways.

But of course, the Evil Calvin had no such filters. Any noble tendencies were missing from him entirely.

He looked at the storage unit in his hand and grinned. He knew _exactly _what he was going to do.

* * *

Calvin found walking around in a hard-light copy of his own body to be surprisingly natural. It didn't even feel like he had anything out of the ordinary on. Just felt like his normal skin, his clothes, and even his shoes. Everything felt right.

This was good, because as he ran around on an alien spaceship full of aliens out to kill him, he needed to as few distractions as possible, and that included the knowledge that nobody knew he was wearing his purple polka-dot jammies.

He wasn't entirely sure if it was possible for him to really stay hidden. He didn't know where Rupert was yet, so he could very well be watching him via any hidden security cameras. He hoped that maybe the ship was so incompetently run that it wasn't possible right now, but the aliens had definitely surprised him before.

Still, he wasn't about to waste an opportunity to pretend he was in an action movie. He tiptoed down the corridors and peeked around quarters, holding his index finger like it was a gun.

Of course, his finger wasn't going to be any match for the blaster suddenly being aimed at him around the next corner. He froze where he stood as he saw Earl standing there behind it, his tentacle wrapped around the trigger.

"… Earl!" he said, hoping to disguise how nervous he was. "How you been? You're… looking angry. Job stress? Need a stress ball or three?" He was backing away very carefully.

Earl just glared at him and squeezed the trigger. A bolt of angry-red energy spewed in Calvin's direction. The boy just barely had time to dodge out of the way. A large black scorch mark smoldered on the floor where he'd been standing.

Calvin stared at the spot before giving the irate captain a winning smile. "Or maybe we could talk this out rationally?"

Earl levelled the gun again. "Just die," he hissed.

He fired again, just barely missing the boy a second time as he dodged the blast.

"Oh, come on, Earl! This isn't your style at _all_! You gotta interrogate me and imprison me for a bit and – HEY!"

A third blast just barely missed him as it collided with the wall.

"I want this _over with_!" Earl snarled. "I've had enough of this madness! My King has been driven _insane_ with this obsession over killing you!"

He fired again, just barely missing his target as Calvin continued to duck, dodge and weave across the corridor.

"We've lost everything! All the work we put into taking over this rotten universe! All because he can't just let you go!"

Another shot. Another miss.

"Our planet is falling apart! Our civilization is being reduced to rubble! And all! Because! You're! Still! ALIVE!"

Blast. Blast. Blast.

Miss. Miss. Miss.

Calvin tucked and rolled, making it behind a corner, where he hid himself for a few seconds while the smoke cleared. "So you think killing me will make him go back to normal? You know that's not true, Earl! The guy's too far gone now! Even if I _do _die, he's just going to get worse! Whatever rule you have after this is going to be even more unstable than before!"

A blast suddenly broke through the corner, just above his head, and Calvin was briefly relieved that he'd stayed on his knees instead of standing up.

"Or maybe I should just run," he sighed, getting up and running up the corridor.

Earl came around the smoldering corner and continued firing.

After a few tense minutes of blind running, Calvin got far ahead enough that he saw an air grate on the wall. He reached forward and grabbed it, and after a few solid tugs, he managed to wrench it off and toss it at Earl before diving inside. He was surprised to find that it was slanted downwards _very _steeply, but he hoped its small size would keep Earl from following him.

As it happened, though, Zokians have a very moldable gelatinous form, save for their vital organs. It didn't take much for Earl to squeeze himself into the rectangular shaft, and he was soon sliding just as easily as Calvin down the duct.

It was a long fall, and Calvin didn't care for how dark it was. At first, he thought the lack of light was a sign there was no end to this tunnel, and he would be trapped in the bottom forever. He still made contact with another grate, though. He was simply arriving in a mostly-dark room. He let out a yell as he smashed through it, and he tumbled out onto a cold metal grated floor with a clatter.

Feeling sore, he got to his feet, rubbing his sore chest, but then he heard squeaking above him, and he realized Earl was almost out as well. He ran out of the way as the huge squishy grey alien landed with a crash behind him, slowly reforming back into his usual crescent moon shape.

Calvin blinked heavily, getting his eyes to adjust to the darkness. As he did, he could see a distant red glow coming from the other side of this dark room. Taking care of the metal gantry he was standing on, he made a dash up the metal path towards what he hoped was safety. He felt the structure shake as Earl regained his senses and followed after him, slithering quickly along the relatively smooth surface.

Calvin found the red glow getting brighter as he hurried along the twisting turning gantry, and then he rounded a corner and found himself overlooking a very terrifying sight.

The gantry overlooked a large conveyor belt that was carrying broken and twisted bits of metal, heading straight into a great big red glowing smelting pit, which belched columns of smoke as each bit of scrap landed inside it.

"You guys have a _foundry _on your ship?!" Calvin cried. "Are you kidding me?"

Earl cackled as he rounded the corner as well. "When you have a crew as stupid as ours, you're going to have a lot of broken parts!" he replied. "Now then… I believe this is where it all ends. Nowhere else to run."

Calvin looked and saw there was still a door on the other side of the gantry. If he could just get over to it and get it open fast enough, he might stand a chance. But _would _he be fast enough?

Deciding he had nothing to lose, he turned and made a sprint for the door.

Earl took his shot.

Calvin heard the blast and dropped to the floor.

The blast struck the floor just ahead of him, creating a large smoldering hole in it.

Earl chuckled and proceeded to approach him, getting ready to take another shot, but then, his grin faded.

The gantry was making some rather worrying groaning sounds. Calvin stared down the hole and saw that the blast had also taken out a crucial support beam that was slowly beginning to bend in a very unnatural way. He threw a glance back at Earl and saw the worried look on the alien's face.

Quickly, he got to his feet, leapt over the hole and tried to make it the rest of the way to the door.

But it was no good. The gantry suddenly tilted sideways, throwing them both to its floor, and sending Earl's blaster over the side. They held onto the bars on the guardrails, but soon, the whole thing made a loud creaking sound before a metallic snap, and they held on in terror as their only support gave way and caused the entire gantry to swing down like a broken rope. They cried out as the fell over the conveyor belt, and they were both deposited on the piles of broken metal.

Dazed from their sudden downward journey, they dizzily looked up and recognized where they were. They were both bathed in the horrible red glow of the smelting pit just at the end of the belt. Crying out in alarm, they both got up and proceeded to try and run away from it. Unfortunately, they had huge piles of metal to get up and over. Calvin had a tricky time as some of the piles were taller than him, but he still had agility on his side as he climbed up and over them carefully, and the hard-light disguise unit kept him from getting injured.

Earl, on the other hand, was having a very difficult time. He didn't have the advantage of arms and legs like a human did, and he didn't have time to get his human disguise on. So he was essentially trying to slither up and over all the debris coming at him, and this resulted in a lot of tripping and falling. Plus, all those sharp jagged edges weren't making it any easier.

Then, Calvin spotted a ladder by the belt. It looked like it went up a couple levels towards another gantry. Earl was too busy tripping all over himself to notice it, and he went past it without knowing it was there.

Calvin worked his way towards the right-hand side and reached wildly for it. If he could just reach it…

He waited for his chance. It was coming on quickly, but if he could time it just right…

Next thing he knew, it was almost beside him, and he held out a hand and grabbed it, just barely making it before the belt could carry him away. He managed to swing his legs onto it, and he started climbing his way up towards the top.

Earl was still trying to climb over some metal rubble when he caught sight of his young enemy climbing frantically up the ladder. He let out a growl and tried to chase after him, but the pile of metal he was on tipped over, and he fell face first on the rubber belt.

Calvin at last made it safely to the top. He was catching his breath when he looked up and saw there was a control panel on the gantry that was linked to the conveyor belt. There were some buttons it, and a big red one that clearly meant he could turn off the belt. He peered back down and saw how quickly Earl was heading for the danger of the glowing red pit.

In his head, he could hear those three familiar voices talking to him.

"I say we let the alien scum die horribly!" Spiff shouted.

"Yeah, but you _always _say that," said Tracer dismissively.

"Your biases are showing," agreed Stupendous Man.

"He's always trying to kill _us_!"

"Yeah, but do two wrongs make a right?"

"Oh, come on, you red clad Boy Scout!"

"Okay, enough," said Tracer. "Yes, he's a murderous alien bent on killing us and enslaving humanity… but is this really something we want to do? I mean, is this really _us_?"

Silence greeted those words.

Calvin stared as Earl continued to be carried closer to his rather grisly death. Within just a few short seconds, he would plummet into the pit and get burned alive.

It was just too much for him. He reached up and slapped his hand against the red button.

There was a loud buzzer as the entire belt jolted to a halt. Bits of metal flew forward from the momentum, and Earl stumbled backwards, falling just short of the edge. A few bits of metal fell off the belt and into the pit, and a huge burst of smoke shot just past the top of his head. With a yelp, he heaved himself forwards and hurried away from the edge.

As he hurried, he saw the ladder, and he started to move towards it. Then, when he looked up, he saw Calvin standing by the control panel, peering down at him, but the boy turned and ran off but a split second later, apparently not aware that he had been witnessed.

Earl stood there in shock. Did Calvin just save his life?


	8. Monster Mash

Galaxoid and Nebular sat in their respective seats staring out the clear glass windows into space, as their tentacles reached over the console in front of them, punching buttons and pulling levers, seemingly randomly. Nebular was sipping on a pink drink while Galaxoid had a single earbud lodged into the side of his head where his ear presumably would have been.

For a while, they sat in relative silence, with only the sounds of the computer humming before them as well as Nebular sipping on his drink filling the room, until Galaxoid broke the silence.

"These Earth podcasts are a lot more educational than I originally thought."

"How so?" Nebular asked.

"Did you know that rhino milk is mostly comprised of water?"

There was a long moment of silence as Nebular stared at Galaxoid with an expression of blank indifference.

"I did not. I did not know that," Nebular said finally.

"Yep. Fascinating stuff…"

"What the heck are you listening to, Galaxoid?"

Before the alien could open his mouth to respond, a sharp buzzing emitted from one of the nearby speakers.

"Whoop, that's it!" Galaxoid shouted, the earbud flying from his head as he began pushing more buttons on the console.

Nebular looked up at the window in front of him, which suddenly began displaying numbers and letters like a computer screen. "It's a Zokian cruiser alright. No guarantee it's ours though. Let's scan for Earthling lifeforms."

"On it," Galaxoid said, turning a knob and pushing a few more buttons. He studied the screen before him, his one eye squinted as he scanned the data before him. He tilted his head in confusion.

"What?" Nebular asked.

"Well… we got Earth-bound life signs…," Galaxoid noted. "But there's _two_ of them…"

"Two of them? Didn't the Earthlings only report their Potentate was missing?"

"Indeed, they did. But it would seem they have another human onboard."

"Computer malfunctions?"

"None."

Nebular rubbed his chin in thought. "Should we report that back to the Earthlings?"

"Maybe we should confirm it, first," Galaxoid said.

"Confirm the two life signs on a ship that would undoubtedly shoot us out of the sky if they knew of our presence?" Nebular said. "How would we do that?"

There was a pause. The two aliens exchanged glances.

Galaxoid and Nebular sat silently in their chairs while the sound of a phone ringing echoed through their control room. They waited patiently until they heard the notable click, and a jovial voice came through their speakers.

"Royal Zokian Battle Ship, this is Danny speaking! How may I direct your call?"

"This is Galaxoid of the exploration cruiser of the planet A – "

Galixoid was immediately cut off by Danny's excited voice.

"Gally! I've missed ya, buddy! Is Nubb-lar with you?!"

"It's _Nebular_…," Nebular muttered.

"NUBB-LAR!" Danny shouted, his voice filled with joy. "Ah man, you guys take me back. Remember when we kidnapped you?"

"We do," Galaxoid said, simply.

"Good times, man. Good times…," Danny said. "We need to play Risk again one of these days."

"Yes… Yes we do…," Galaxoid sighed. "Listen, Danny… What have you guys been up to?"

"Oh you know, our king's slowly been descending into unending darkness and madness and our entire civilization is facing destruction and possible decimation by the hands of those we used to rule," Danny said, his voice unchanged. "How about with you guys?"

"Erm…," Nebular started, slowly. "I'm… sorry?"

"For what?"

"Never mind," Galaxoid said. "Listen – do you happen to have… I dunno… the Earth Potentate with you right now?"

"The Earth Potentate? Oh yeah! I guess we _are_ doing that again! Yeah, it's okay. I liked kidnapping you guys better. You guys play board games with us."

"Right…," Galaxoid said. "Well, we'll have to get kidnapped again sometime. But do you have anyone _else_ on the ship with you right now?"

"Oh yeah sure. We got Rupert and Earl… and Lenny… and Carl… and Bill and Jared… and Robert – he's new – and Jason… and…"

"No, no, no, not you guys," Nebular said, impatiently. "Anyone else from _Earth_?"

"Well yeah, we got the Earth Potentate!"

Galaxoid slapped his forehead. "Do you have anyone else _besides_ the Earth Potentate? … From Earth?"

Danny thought for a moment. "I mean… I guess we do have that one funny guy with us."

Now they were getting somewhere. "Funny guy?" Nebular asked.

"Yeah, Earl told me not to talk to him, cuz he's embarrassed enough to be surrounded by us. He came to us on a rocket ship thingy."

"Danny, this rocket ship thingy…," Galaxoid started. "What planet was it from?"

"Oh, I dunno," Danny shrugged. "I asked but Rupert was all like, 'that's above your pay grade, Danny,' then Earl told me to go away with some rather weird words I've never heard before. He doesn't like to play Risk with me."

"Do you know his name?" Galaxoid asked.

"Yeah, it's Earl."

"No, not Earl! The one from the rocket thingy. Do you know his name?"

"Oh. No."

"What does he look like?"

"Well… all Earthling's kind of look similar, but he has really poofy hair that sticks out of the sides of his head. Kind of weird, to be honest."

Galaxoid and Nebular froze.

"Poofy hair?" Nebular said, slowly.

"Yeah, and he made some machine that makes stuff that he thinks about. Rather redundant, I think. Why doesn't he just make the things he thinks about, instead? Saves him the trouble, really."

"Makes stuff… that he thinks about…?" Galaxoid said, his eye slowly growing wider. "Like… an Imaginator?"

"Oh yeah! _That's_ what he called it." Danny grinned. "And he was sitting there going on about how he was going to exact his revenge on the boy, and then he was going to kill everyone on the alien planet that he was imprisoned on. Pretty weird, huh?"

Galaxoid and Nebular sat in silence for a long moment. Both looking at the screen in front of them with their eyes nearly popping out of their heads.

"Hello?" Danny said through the speakers. "Hello? You guys still there?"

"Thank you, Danny," Galaxoid said, finally. "That should be everything we need."

"Okay, cool. I better get back to work now. Earl's been doing routine checks on us every few minutes to make sure we're not setting fire to anything."

"Right…," Nebular said. "Yeah, you do that."

"Bye!" Danny shouted cheerfully.

And the line went dead.

For a long moment, the two aliens sat in silence as they let the information they had just heard sink in.

"Well, _drat_…," Nebular said, finally.

* * *

Mom set the phone down on the cradle with a look of absolute frustration on her face. "That was Mr. Oxnard," she announced. "Seems our boy thought it would be absolutely _hysterical _if he threw water balloons filled with _paint _at his house."

Dad was fuming. "Oh, that's not even the best one yet today," he snarled. "I had a _lovely_ conversation with Mrs. Johnson about how our child laid out a bed of nails under her car tires and popped all four of her tires in one fell swoop. And before _that_, Mr. Lawrence from up the road says he was dumping loads of dead bugs on his family from a tree. I don't even know how he _found _that many stink bugs!"

"Ugh, some days, that kid…," Mom growled, already rolling her sleeves up. "Okay, no TV, no dessert, no comic books and no going outside for a _month_!"

"Right," Dad agreed. "And then we make him take a whole bunch of afterschool programs for the whole _year_!"

"I just can't believe this! I mean, this is a new low, even for _him_! Most of his pranks are just annoying, but this is downright destructive!"

"I know! When did he stop just spraying people with water hoses? I mean, at least water doesn't stain like _paint_!"

"And he's been doing so _well _lately! We haven't gotten calls like this in _months_!"

"Yeah!" Dad said, before he let that thought sit in his head for a moment. "Yeah… Wait a minute… We really _haven't _had any complaints about him in a while… I mean, sure, Susie Derkins still has to deal with him, but he's never done anything truly _malicious _towards her…"

Mom thought about that. "You're right… When did he start getting like this? Ever since he met Andy, he's been pretty well-behaved with an actual friend to keep him out of trouble. Why is he doing this _now_?"

Dad scratched his chin. "Maybe… it's something to do with school starting pretty soon? He might be scared."

"Well, that doesn't excuse wanton destruction… but that's definitely a possibility."

"So… what do we do? I mean, we can't let him get away with this…"

"No, definitely not. But we need to at least _talk_ to him before he levels the town."

Nodding in agreement, the two parents made their way to the stairs.

As they moved closer to the door to his bedroom, however, they could hear Calvin's voice from within, chattering to thin air. This wasn't _completely _out-of-character to them, given how they saw Hobbes, but it was still odd given that every few seconds, they'd hear this strange giggle accompanying his rants. It was strange, but somehow, they felt a little nervous about entering. What in the world was he doing in there?

Taking a chance, Mom knocked on the door. "Calvin? We need to talk to you."

The chattering and laughter stopped, and those few seconds where he was quiet were some of the longest they had to endure.

"… Come in."

Steeling their resolve, Mom and Dad entered the room and found a peculiar sight.

Calvin was standing before his bed with a rubix cube in one hand and an old computer microphone in the other, and the microphone was being aimed under the bed.

"Calvin…," Dad said slowly. "What are you doing?"

Their son glared at them. "Does it matter? You're clearly up here to deal with me and my shenanigans."

Mom tried to look stern. "I wouldn't call them 'shenanigans'. More like 'an ugly rampage of pain and horror'."

Calvin grinned. "Oh, I like that. That's what I'm going to call it from now on…"

"Now look, mister," Dad said firmly. "We know you're going through a lot right, what with school starting up soon and everything, but that doesn't mean we're going to just let you destroy the neighborhood left and right."

Calvin snorted. "Pfft! Like I'd ever settle for something so low in scope."

That brought them both up short. "You… what?"

"Dear parents, I have _ambitions_. Specifically – I'm going bigger and bolder than just destroying the neighborhood. I want to destroy the _world_!"

Dad blinked. "… I only wish I could say this was surprising…"

Calvin ignored him. "I want to see the world fall apart. Civilization crumble. Empires topple. Watch everything go down in flames. And I'm the guy who's gonna light the fuse."

Mom didn't like the look in her son's eyes. "What are you talking about?"

"Oh right, I'm sorry, I forgot. _You guys don't notice anything_!" he shouted. "You can't even tell that your own child isn't even here! That I'm merely a duplicate replacing him while he's off being tortured by aliens! Nope – gotta stay in your sweet little bubble!"

"Now Calvin, you've pulled this 'duplicate' stuff on us before. You can't just pretend that you didn't do those things."

"Still choosing not to notice? Fine! Then I have no choice but to _make _you notice."

He dropped the rubix cube and pulled a water pistol out of his pocket, twirled it on his finger and pointed it and the microphone at the underside of the bed.

For a long moment, nothing happened.

Calvin's parents were on the verge of taking his things away from him when they couldn't help but notice that the room was shaking.

"What's that?" Dad asked. "An earthquake?"

"_Still _can't see it, huh?" Calvin sneered. "Fine – let's crank the volume, shall we?"

He squeezed the trigger on the water pistol even harder, and the shaking got even worse.

Calvin's parents held onto each other, briefly considering grabbing their son, but something deep down inside told them not to go anywhere near him. Also – the crazed glee on his face.

Then, they began to see lights flickering. Specifically, beams of light that were coming from the water pistol and the microphone, shooting straight under the bed. They tried to tell themselves they were seeing things, but now the bed was beginning to shake.

This was too big to ignore.

"What… what are you doing?" Mom asked over the noise.

Calvin smirked. "You're about to find out."

Now a great big eerie white glow was beginning to emanate from under the bed, and Calvin's parents realized that whatever their son was doing, it was _really happening_.

Then, a long pair of tan arms with clawed hands began to appear from under the bed, digging into the floor and pulling the rest of whatever-it-was out into the waking world. A large scaly tan head, a long tan back, and then a long tan tail with spikes on it.

This horrifying creature got up, looking around, rubbing its eyes, before it turned and saw Mom and Dad, who stared back at it in horror, absolutely frozen. It tilted its head curiously before baring its sharp jagged teeth and growling at them.

Letting out a pair of terrified squeaks, Mom and Dad fled the room and hurried down the stairs.

"But what about Calvin?!" Mom cried.

"You heard him!" Dad replied. "He's an evil duplicate bent on destroying the world! Run!"

* * *

The creature shrugged before looking around again.

"Ahem!"

The voice startled him, and he peered down to see the boy standing before him.

"_You_…," he hissed, growling fiercely.

But Calvin shook his head. "Nope."

"What?"

"Nope. I'm not him. Just a duplicate."

"And why should I believe that?"

"Because he's too much of a wuss to bring _you _back into the human world, Jark. Thankfully, I'm a living copy of his DNA, meaning I can stabilize you guys with that weird sphere of yours."

Jark crossed his arms. "Yes… that begs the question – why _did _you bring me back into the human world? I've been searching for a way back for years."

Not-Calvin smiled. "Because I think it'll be cool."

"Is that so? And why shouldn't I just kill you right now?"

"Because I'm the only one who can stabilize your little pals. I let them in, and you let me live so I can enjoy the chaos. Understood?"

Jark thought about that for a few moments before allowing himself to smile. "Very well. We have a deal."

"Sweet. Now then – that crazy billiard ball of yours. Let's get to work."

Jark nodded in acceptance as he pulled the sphere out from under the bed and allowed the boy to lead him outside. He wasn't sure _why_ he was going along with this, but he might as well see where it was going before he went ahead and killed the boy. Heck – if the boy really was an evil clone like he said he was, he might even let him live anyway just to see what would happen.

Stepping out into the front yard, they looked at the world going by. Cars driving, people walking, kids playing – it was downright picturesque.

In their warped minds, that would just make ruining it all the more fun.

"All right then," Jark said, tossing him the sphere. "You know the drill."

Evil Calvin smiled as he cradled the sphere. His mind was already racing with all the joy of watching these creatures terrorize the town.

After a few seconds, the sphere began to vibrate, and he held it out away from himself, aiming it at the road.

Jark cleared his throat. "Other way 'round," he whispered.

Evil Calvin glared before he rotated it one hundred eighty degrees in his hands.

A moment later, the vibrating stopped, and a long pair of red scaly fingers reached through the portal. They were revealed to be attached to a long skinny demon-esque creature with horns on its head and tiny beady yellow eyes, hissing smoke from its nostrils. It skulked around on the ground for a moment, glaring at the world.

"Hey, Vinnie," Jark said, waving him over.

The monster stood up straighter. "Oh, Jark! Way to go, bro! Finally got this thing working?"

"Yep! Kid's an evil clone now, so we're all set!"

"Sweet. I'll get it started then."

Vinnie put two fingers in his fanged mouth and gave a whistle.

The orb shook in Evil Calvin's hands, and a perpetual flood of monsters began to leap from the orb, landing in the grass and skulking off into the world.

Naturally, such a phenomena did not go unnoticed – for once.

People on the street saw the monsters one by one coming out of the orb like a family of clowns out of a tiny little car. At first, they just stopped and stared. Even traffic ground to a halt by the house. Many a camera phone was taken out to witness the event.

"I _do _love a captive audience," Vinnie said cheerfully as the monsters continued to pour out.

Jark chuckled. "Oh, they're not captive _yet_…"

The novelty of just staring at the monsters was beginning to wear off for the crowd. Then, they began to realize the reality of what was happening. The dawning looks of fear and horror were a sight to behold as the monsters started to notice them and growl menacingly. Jark smiled as they turned and ran, crashing into each other in the mad scramble to escape. Cars were speeding off down the highway as people tried running back into their homes with the monsters at their heels.

He looked down at noticed Evil Calvin still allowing more and more monsters into the world, a sadistic grin on his face.

"Enjoying the view?" he asked.

Evil Calvin didn't take his eyes off the chaos. "_Immensely_…," he murmured. "Although… I'd like to see some actual _destruction _now…"

Jark nodded. "I think we can just about manage that. Vinnie – tell the boys to let loose. It's a free-for-all today!"

* * *

Far away, just on the outskirts of town, a cardboard box was sitting a few yards away from the highway. To anyone passing by, it looked like a small boy playing with two stuffed tigers, a hamster and a CD player.

Of course, anyone with half a brain knows it was Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates and the MTM sitting together in a group. The MTM's flap was open, and Sherman was crawling around inside, trying to fix the damage inflicted by Evil Calvin.

"Any luck, Shermie?" asked Andy.

"Some," the genius hamster replied as he tugged on some wires. "Managed to put some of the fractured circuit boards together, but since this is one of Calvin's inventions, only he would know how it's one hundred percent supposed to fit together. He's got all the necessary components."

"Like paperclips and spirit gum," said Socrates, squinting into the compartment. "Given a different start in life, Calvin could've been the next MacGyver."

At last, Sherman climbed out of the MTM's CD drive and slapped the case shut. "Okay, MTM – how are you feeling?"

MTM revved a couple times like a computer booting up before his voice chip came back online. "Testing, testing… one, two, buckle my shoe… Hmmmm… Still not at full operational capacity, but I've got most things working again – voice chip, short-range scanner, GPS – both regular and interstellar – and a few other features. Teleporter is down – both short _and _long range…"

"Great," sighed Hobbes. "So now what do we do? Rupert's got Calvin, and we haven't got the first clue of what to do."

"Well, getting up there and finding him sounds like a solid course of action," Andy suggested ever-so-helpfully.

The group were interrupted, however, when Socrates suddenly felt his head jolt backwards. "Whoop! Incoming message! This is hopefully Galaxoid and Nebular!"

"Hopefully?" asked Sherman.

"You never know. I also use this for my dry-cleaning."

Before any of them could even begin to wonder what a tiger could possibly have that needed dry-cleaning, he went into his usual trancelike state, his eyes glazing over as he took on Galaxoid's voice and inflections.

"Earthlings – it us with a report," he said through the catatonic tiger.

"Whatcha got for us, Galaxoid?" asked Hobbes. "Did you track down Rupert and Earl?"

"We did, and they definitely have Calvin."

"Unfortunately," said Nebular, "they also have Retro on their side."

All heads jerked up at that. Even in his current state, Socrates looked alarmed.

"You're… certain of that?" Hobbes asked slowly.

"Certain. Two human life signs on the ship, and those aliens may be idiots, but they're not liars," said Galaxoid.

"We contacted the prison planet we sent his pod to, and he definitely didn't show up there," added Nebular. "Seems something sent him to Zok instead."

"How convenient," Sherman sighed.

Hobbes looked a little far away. "So… they've both got Calvin?"

"We're afraid so," said Nebular.

The others regarded him for a long moment. It was like waiting for a tea kettle to go off.

Then, Hobbes' face took a very grim expression. "Fine," he said at last. "_We're _going to get _them_."

It was one of those moments that would have warranted a high-five if they had that kind of time.

"Galaxoid, Nebular – send us the coordinates where Rupert and Earl are via the MTM," Hobbes ordered, "and stay close to them. Let us know if anything happens. Understood?"

"Understood," Galaxoid replied. "We'll keep you posted."

There was a clicking sound from the back of his throat as Socrates suddenly snapped back to normal. Stretching a crick out of his neck, he looked around the others. "So… road trip?"

"It would appear so," said Sherman.

MTM beeped a few times as he felt something download into him. "Got the coordinates," he announced. "I can load them into the box."

"Good," said Hobbes, already taking the helm. "Let's get up there and save Calvin!"

The others all cheered as they took their seats.

"That's what I like to hear!" cheered Socrates. "Left leaderless and directionless, the remaining members of the band join together to reclaim their commander and defeat the ultimate evils!"

"Socrates, _please _put the video camera away," Andy sighed.

"But this is the exciting bit! The action is finally starting! The music ramps up, the engines roar and we ride off into the sunset!"

"There's no music, the box's engines are silent, and it's two in the afternoon," said Sherman.

Socrates scowled. "Well, thanks a lot, Captain Grumpy McKilljoy!"

"Okay, everyone – let's play the Quiet Game," Andy said, keeping them apart.

The box rose up into the air, and with Hobbes leading, it zoomed away into the sky, becoming a speck in mere seconds.

It was for the best they left so quickly, for if they had stayed, they might've been torn over what to do about the _other _problem in town.

Specifically, they would have noticed how all the cars were seemingly fleeing their neighborhood now, heading off into the distance as fast as they could. They would've heard people screaming in terror. They would have seen news helicopters flying over the scene.

Then, they would have heard crashing and smashing going on. They would have seen smoke start to billow over the skyline. They would have heard sirens wailing in the distance.

And then, after all that, they would have seen several monsters swarming out of the town, some spitting venom, some blowing flames, some making cracks in the pavement as they stomped around…

Through the swarm stepped Jark, who smirked triumphantly at the chaos, and there, atop his shoulders, was Evil Calvin, who was watching the destruction with a disturbing amount of glee.


	9. World of Fantasy

It was amazing how so many advanced species still used ventilation shafts like the ones on Earth.

Calvin squeezed himself through the air duct as this thought worked its way through his head. He'd been on the run now for a couple hours. Hunger was beginning to weigh on him now. He needed to find a cafeteria soon. Even their advanced food technology would be enough to hold him over until he found a bowl of Chocolate Frosted Sugar Bombs. Distracting himself by mentally playing the James Bond theme in his head, he struggled on.

Of course, he wasn't altogether sure of where he was even going at this point. He knew the ship fairly well thanks to all the other times he'd been captured, but he couldn't think of anywhere safe he could go. The other aliens weren't a problem – he could probably sneak around with them without any trouble. First, he needed to establish where Rupert and Retro were so he could be sure they didn't find him. He was certain that if they found him, he was done for.

After a lot of really sweaty crawling, he began to hear voices. Sinking down onto his stomach, he proceeded to drag himself with his elbows, ensuring he didn't make too much noise. He worked around the various corners, following the voices to their location.

Finally, he arrived at an air grate and peered down into the room below. Looked like some kind of war room, with a table in the middle, but instead of papers, there were loads of bluish holograms hovering in midair above it. Right now, there was a hologram of the Earth.

"… I mean, is there anything _truly _valuable on this planet?" Rupert was asking.

Retro shrugged. "Depends on what you value. We have this weird obsession with diamonds, but they're largely useless…"

"There must be _something_ I can loot from the planet! I mean, bending people to my will is one thing, but I need to _get _something out of it…"

"Oh sure, sure… How much water is on your planet?"

"Not a lot. Why?"

"So you haven't considered the benefits of adding water to all that lava to create new landmasses? Strikes me that you could really expand your empire if you gave yourself more land."

Rupert mulled it over. "It has… possibilities, I suppose. Although I'm pretty sure humans need water to survive."

"Oh, sure, but it's not like we're going to keep _all _the humans, right? Gotta kill a few to make examples of them. Then there's the fact we're especially overpopulated. Time to thin the herd, as it were…"

Rupert chuckled. "Fair point." He turned to look at the hologram again. "I can't believe I'm finally going to have this little blue green ball at last. The Earth Potentate and I have fought long and hard for this godforsaken rock."

Retro blinked. "Earth Potentate?"

"Yes, he and I have fought for so long now… That blasted child will finally know what he's put me through…"

Retro was still staring at him in bemusement. "… Earth Potentate…?"

"What about him?"

"… You're right. We're going to have our revenge, and we're going to make it _good_."

Rupert smiled a razor-sharp toothy smile and patted Retro on the shoulder with his big ugly tentacle. "Indeed, we shall…"

Retro discreetly wiped some slime off his lab coat and continued going over the readouts on the computers.

At that moment, the door slid open, and Lenny poked his head in. "Er… Your King-li-ness?"

Rupert hissed out his annoyance through his teeth. "What _now_?"

"Well, the Earth Potentate is still at large. Not sure where he's at. We're kinda getting worried now."

"Worried?"

"Well, yeah, I mean – he's just a little guy! What if he's got himself hurt?"

"… I'd do a happy little dance," Rupert growled.

Lenny blinked in confusion. "But… we don't have legs…"

"Oh, shut up! Where's Earl?"

"Not sure. He was looking for the Earth Potentate earlier, but we haven't heard from him in a while."

Rupert rolled his compound eyes. "No one around here knows how to do _anything_!" he shouted at the ceiling, making Lenny shrink back.

"I can continue here alone if you want to go find him," Retro said calmly.

"Thanks," Rupert grunted as he slithered out the door. "Come on, Lenny – let's find the kid _you_ lost…"

"Gee, thanks, boss!" Lenny said cheerfully as he followed after him.

The door slid shut again, and Retro stared at it blankly.

"… Earth Potentate…?"

Calvin peered down at him from the grate above. He was just about to move on when he noticed something peculiar. One of the weird-looking alien screws holding it in place was so slowly unscrewing itself. It popped up with a small _clink_! Then, the one opposite it started unscrewing itself as well. Before he could even begin to wonder what was causing this, he felt the surface beneath him shift a little as that second little screw popped out with a similar _clink_!

The grate gave way, and the world went sideways as he fell into the room below, falling through the 3D hologram of Earth and landing flat on his face upon the table.

For a long moment, it was quiet. Weirdly quiet. No shouting or capturing or calling for reinforcements. Just quiet. He briefly wondered if his old enemy was even still in the room. He decided to take a chance and look up.

Retro was there, all right. The man was standing over him, peering down at him with a look of surprise – arms crossed, eyebrow arched and vaguely amused. "Well!" he said once he saw his eyes. "Didn't expect to see _you_ so suddenly!"

Calvin cleared his throat. "Yes, well… if you're busy, I can just leave…"

Retro just smirked. Not the usual pantomime villain smirk, but an honestly chilling smirk – with next to no effort. "Oh, by all means. Then I can just call Rupert back in here, and he can take care of you himself." Then, he frowned. "By the way… 'Earth Potentate'?"

"Yeah… long story. You know what's much more interesting? The fact that you're so easily going along with Rupert's plans. He's 'letting' you run the Earth while he goes back to conquer the universe. You're seriously okay with that?"

Retro chuckled. "Certainly not. I'm not going to let some figment of _your _imagination tell _me_ what to do."

Calvin blinked. Suddenly, it was like he'd just swerved onto a different road entirely. "Figment of my… _what_?"

"Oh, don't tell me you haven't figured this out already, Calvin?" Retro said, leaning back against the computers. "Isn't it _painfully _obvious?"

"Retro, I honestly have no idea what the heck you're talking about. I mean, do you just think _everything _is imaginary?"

"It's so mind-bogglingly simple! Everything that is happening here, every little detail, can be traced back to our first encounter with the original Imaginator."

"In… what way?" Calvin asked, not certain he wanted to hear the answer.

"When I first took the over the world with your imagination, it altered the entire landscape – or at least, that's what I thought at first. Then, you supposedly put everything back the way it was… but I could still _see _them…"

"See who?"

"The tiger. Those two aliens. The spaceship. The alien planet. _Everything_! You see, we _thought _you undid all the damage we wreaked on the world, but in fact, it went in a direction I never could have _dreamed _of!"

"Sorry, '_we_' wreaked?"

Retro ignored him. "I don't know how you did it, but when the original Imaginator was destroyed, it left an imprint of your mind – not just on the world, but the _entire universe_! _That's _why all your stupid little dreams have been coming true! It gave you everything your sad empty little life needed. Adventures to go on, a chance to play the hero, actual friends, villains to fight –heck, it made that stupid cardboard box of yours actually _work_!"

Calvin stared at him incredulously. "It _always _worked! Everyone else was just too stupid enough to see!"

"Oh please. You draw the controls on with a marker. You honestly thought that was enough? No, this goes _much _deeper than that. That's why after we met, your life suddenly become so much more… exciting. You met these aliens after our first encounter, right?"

"… Yeah…"

"And that's about the time things started to really pick up for you, didn't they? You created a story where you could be the hero because your real life was a crushing disappointment."

These words were swirling around in Calvin's head, making him uneasy, but he was determined to stand strong. "You're insane," he said. "You just want to pretend that you're this big bad number one enemy of mine, but in truth? You barely rank all that high. Your hologram was a more worthy adversary. Dr Brainstorm is a more worthy adversary. Heck, even _Lenny the alien _is a more worthy adversary!"

Retro seemed just a bit riled up now. "Don't change the subject!"

"No! I _like _this subject! Because you're so pathetic you had to team up with someone you don't even believe is real!"

"He's real right now, and that's all that matters! Once we've destroyed _you_, I'll destroy _him_, too! And all his little alien pals! And then, I'll go for your blasted tiger and make _him_ not-real! And _then_, I'll have had my perfect revenge!"

_Clink!_

During Retro's rant, Calvin noticed that another screw had just popped out of a rivet in the ceiling. There was a massive support beam going across the ceiling. Thinking quickly, he gave Retro a shove to the other side of the room before running towards the door.

Before Retro could figure out what was happening, there was another _clink_, and the support beam came collapsing to the floor, followed by a good chunk of the ceiling, putting a barrier between the two of them.

Through the ensuing cloud of dust, Retro could see Calvin activate the door and go running off. He tried to run after him, but he ended up tripping over the debris and hit the floor, just as another screw _clinked _onto the floor in front of him, and another section of the ceiling came raining down on him.

Having heard the noise, Carl slithered up to the open doorway. He looked around in bewilderment – for an actual reason this time – before he spotted Retro in a heap on the floor, half-buried in the rubble.

"… Made the roof fall in, huh? Happens to me _all _the time!"

He slithered off down the hall, whistling jauntily, leaving Retro to stare after him incredulously.

_I'll disappear him first_, he thought bitterly.

* * *

The box whizzed across the empty vastness of space as the four occupants tried to get comfortable. One would think that would be easy, seeing as how there were normally five, but they'd gotten so used to being overcrowded that it was strangely difficult to enjoy the extra elbowroom. Even though one of the passengers was a tiny hamster, it was still odd having this room.

Hobbes was at the "helm" – or simply the front of the box – as it zoomed ahead. He didn't bother reading the speedometer – seeing as how it was just drawn on and didn't move – he just looked straight ahead into space. It was kind of cool with the stars whizzing past.

His eyes drifted across the box and its occupants. The MTM was (mercifully) silent as it worked away at guiding the box towards the alien spaceship. His self-repair system was still doing its best to repair the damage, but even he knew it would take a while without Calvin's help.

Sherman and Socrates were in the back corner, working on the travel vlog – much to the hamster's annoyance.

"Come on, Sherman," Socrates pleaded, shoving the camera in the hamster's face. "Give me something to work with!"

"Socrates, we're in the middle of a rescue mission. I don't think we should be frittering our time away with some pointless video."

"Look, it's going to be a long ride to the aliens and their horrible instruments of death and destruction. We gotta do _something _with the time. And if that means frittering, we're going to fritter. Now come on! Show the camera that gorgeous hamster smile!"

"I can think of something _else _I'd like to show the camera…"

As they argued, Hobbes let his attention wander once again. He really didn't want to be doing that, but he was still thinking about what he was. He knew he shouldn't. He should be focused on rescuing his friend. But Socrates was right – it was a long ride to the aliens. He was going to have to think of something to distract him from the long trip. But nothing else could take over his mind right now.

He felt a finger on his shoulder and saw Andy had come over to join him. "Need a hand?"

"Oh, I've got it," he replied. "You go back to… whatever it was you were doing."

"I just gave three character testimonials for Socrates' video."

"… Okay, yeah, I'll scooch over."

The tiger made room, and Andy joined him in leaning over the edge of the box, peering into space.

"So…," Andy said. "What's up?"

"Up?"

"Anyone can tell you're deep in thought, Hobbes. What's bugging you?"

Hobbes regarded the boy for a long moment. It was amazing how quickly he had gotten around to working himself into the group and effectively becoming the one who guided them when they were lost. Taking a deep breath, he decided that maybe he could stand to unload the burden on him.

"Well… I've been wondering…," he said slowly.

Now he was stuck. How the heck was he supposed to put this?

"… When we first met… did I seem… _real_… to you?"

Andy blinked. "What do you mean?"

"I mean, did I appear to you like I am now? Walking talking tiger with a fondness for tuna?"

"… Yes? I mean, we all change as we grow older…"

"Oh, sure, but I mean, did I look like a real living being when we first met?"

Andy shrugged. "Sure."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I mean, I was a bit thrown by a walking talking tiger, but then, I'd never _seen _a walking talking tiger before you. Of course, I have a super-smart talking hamster, so I guess I'm acclimatized to a certain amount of 'strangeness'…"

Hobbes nodded distantly. "I don't think I was genetically altered in anyway…"

"Yeah, I realize that now."

"It's just that… I've been thinking about what I am. Calvin's mom said she thought I was his imaginary friend, and it got me in an existential funk. What does this mean for my future? If I'm his 'imaginary friend', does that mean he's going to 'outgrow' me?"

Andy regarded him strangely. "Sorry… 'Imaginary friend'?"

"Yeah."

"Where the heck did she get _that _idea?"

"I don't know. It's just… what they've always thought of me. Did they think I was going to fade away someday?"

"Well, I've known you long enough to know that you're very real, Hobbes," Andy assured him. "As real as me."

"Oh? How real are you?"

"As real as I want to be."

Hobbes blinked before slumping again. "I just worry… if that's what I am, is he going to outgrow me? Is he going to move on? What's going to become of me?"

Andy patted his shoulder kindly. "Don't worry, Hobbes. You and Calvin have one of those 'stuck-together-forever' friendships that most people who only know the world through sitcoms only _dream _about."

"You really think?"

"Definitely. I really envy it."

"Oh… Andy, you know you're _our _friend, too."

"I know, but you guys have been together so long – way before the rest of us in this box came along – and it's easy to wish for that kind of thing. I wish I could have it with Sherman."

Hobbes looked up. "Why can't you have it with Sherman?"

Andy gave a sad smile as he glanced back at his small furry friend, who was now trying to shove the video camera into Socrates' nose.

"Well… hamsters only live for a few years at best…"

There was a long silence as they let that sink in.

Hobbes stared across at the little hamster again. It was a strange thing to think about. If he had had his way, the little egotistical rat would've been a tasty appetizer years ago, but out of respect for Andy – and because Calvin would've killed him – he'd not done so. Since then, Sherman had become a permanent fixture in his life. Sure, he only hung out with him if at least a third person were in the mix, but they could actually go for days without arguing anymore.

And to think of him growing old in just a few short years – if that – and suddenly…

He didn't dare think about _that_.

"… Andy, I'm sorry."

Andy swallowed but smiled all the same. "It's okay."

"… Maybe it won't be like that. I mean, he actually _was _genetically-altered. For all we know, he'll outlive all of us."

"I hope so…," Andy sighed. "But hope's a dangerous thing sometimes…"

There was a long heavy silence that followed that – aided by the fact that Sherman was sitting in one corner while Socrates cleaned the lens on his camera in the other – and they contemplated everything.

Finally, Hobbes settled for just putting a paw on Andy's shoulder and smiling reassuringly. The boy smiled back.

At that moment, there was a frantic beeping from the MTM that made them all jump.

"Attention! Attention!" he announced. "Incoming teleport beam imminent! We have reached our destination!"

"Oh, _finally_!" Sherman moaned.

"Aw, come on! I still need more talking heads!" Socrates complained.

"Read the funnies sometime," Andy grumbled.

The box was suddenly enveloped in a minty green light, and they felt the sensation over their every molecule being broken down and transported at the speed of light before being reassembled elsewhere. The world around them blurred, then glowed, and then they were in the teleporter room aboard Galaxoid and Nebular's ship.

"Welcome aboard, Earthlings!" Galaxoid announced.

"Even though you were all here just a few weeks ago," added Nebular. "So no grand tour or anything."

Hobbes leapt out of the box. "Okay, good. Thanks for the lift, guys. Now we need to get after Rupert and Retro."


	10. Family Matters

Calvin's parents were currently living in the land of nightmares. Not the kind where you're naked and have to give an impromptu speech on the effects of migrating tree frogs in front of your worst enemies, but the monster kind.

They were driving their car through the chaos that had filled their fair city. As soon as their not-son had unleashed that first monster on the world, they had grabbed whatever supplies they could – car keys, wallets, phones, macadamia nuts – and hightailed it to the car, somehow just _knowing _that all hell was about to break lose. They'd managed to make it about a mile before they'd noticed the pandemonium in the rearview mirror.

Now they were parked in an alley between two buildings, waiting for the chaos to die down a little so they could get started on fleeing themselves.

"Where are we even going to go?" Mom asked. "These things are everywhere! Some of them can even _fly_!"

"I don't know yet," said Dad, gripping the steering wheel. "I just know that we need to get away from here."

"I still don't like leaving Calvin behind…"

"It's _not _Calvin, sweetie. It's a… what'd he say? A duplicate. I'd like to believe our _actual _son wouldn't _intentionally _release a bunch of demons and ghouls in town."

"… So there's a hypothetical scenario where he does this on purpose?"

"I don't know. All the rules for how reality is supposed to work are out the window."

They heard a crash somewhere behind them, and they turned to see a couple of small monsters were coming in the back way, throwing trash cans around and kicking bricks out of the walls.

"Okay, looks like we're going to be merging into traffic," Dad sighed, starting the engine and putting the right-hand blinker on.

By now, most of the traffic had dissipated, leaving only people running from the monsters. Curiously, none of the monsters were seriously attacking anyone to the point of horribly debilitating injury. Just a lot of pouncing and harassing, frightening them all while they destroyed a lot of public property.

Then, not too far away, they heard a scream that sounded familiar. They looked up ahead and saw Rosalyn was on the run from some pretty tall skinny scaly creatures that were reaching for her with their claws. She was carrying a heavy pipe in her hands that she used to swing at them. She was even getting a few pretty good hits, too, but it wasn't quite enough to stop the monsters from chasing her.

Thinking quickly, Dad stepped on the gas on peeled out of the alley towards the chase. He managed to get alongside the monsters while they were chasing her and jerked his car to the left. They just barely managed to get out of the way, but in the process of moving aside, they tripped over a building's front step and landed in a heap by the road.

Dad honked his horn at Rosalyn, causing her to look back and see them. He pulled alongside and waited as she quickly climbed into the backseat while they drove away before the monsters could get up. Just as she was shutting the door, they started to get up again. Without wasting a minute, he put the car into reverse and backed into them, sending them crashing to the ground. Satisfied that they were subdued for now, he put it in drive again and put the petal to the metal through the town.

"Thanks for the lift," gasped Rosalyn, dusting herself off.

"Just happened to be going your way," Dad replied. "Buckle up."

"Are you okay?" asked Mom.

"I'm fine. Just out of breath. What the heck is going on around here?"

"Well, long story short," said Dad, "an evil duplicate of our son just let every monster he's had hidden under his bed out into the real world just for the heck of it."

"… What?"

"Short story even shorter – it's a long story."

"Oh… Okay, fine. So… where are we going?"

"That's an ongoing question," said Mom. "We're trying to find an area of town that isn't too densely populated with these creatures."

At that moment, they could hear heavy footsteps behind them, and they all looked in the rearview mirror to spot a large creature built similar to a raptor running at them, its large jaws chomping at the air around the car as it gained on them.

Without a word, Rosalyn rolled down the left passenger side window, took the pipe in her hands and whacked the monster over the head once it was close enough, and it stumbled and fell in pain and was left behind.

Sitting down again, she put the pipe on the floor. "I am seriously learning a lot about myself today," she panted.

"I think we all are," Dad agreed.

They swerved around a few corners and made their way towards the edge of town.

"I think this is the way to the playground," Mom said, recognizing a few landmarks. "I used to take Calvin here all the time."

Rosalyn spotted the playground in question. "Looks like he's here again."

They looked where she was looking and spotted that familiar head of blonde hair sitting atop an also-familiar tan creature that was storming around, terrorizing the little children at the park.

"What the heck is he _doing_?" Dad demanded.

Rolling down the window, he could hear what his not-son was saying to the other children.

"That's right!" he thundered. "Everybody run! Who's getting picked last to play kickball _now_, huh? Heckling me during show-and-tell?" He glared at one kid in particular. "'Miss Wormwood – shouldn't he be sent to a _special school _or something?' Feel like making anymore smart comments, Ronald?"

The mop-topped kid with glasses immediately ran for his parents' minivan in the parking lot.

Jark stomped up and down the playground, roaring fiercely at the kids, trying to chomp them wherever they were. Thankfully, the kids were a quick bunch when they were frightened enough, and their parents were not afraid to swoop in and snatch them up back to their cars before they became a tasty appetizer.

Evil Calvin looked around in delight at the kids running and fleeing. Sure, _technically_, none of these kids had done anything to _him_, but he still contained a copy of Calvin's memories. Since he was the boy with none of the altruism, he was all too happy to get some revenge on his other self's behalf.

Then, his eyes fell on a familiar round head of brown hair. His twisted grin spread across his face as he recognized the figure cowering under the jungle gym.

"Susie Derkins…," he murmured, motioning for Jark to focus on her.

"C-C-Calvin…?" she asked fearfully. "Wha… What are you _doing_?"

Evil Calvin smirked. "Awww, the poor little Derkins girl is scared? You weren't scared of being a smug little _tattletale _all those times, were you? No, you _enjoyed _watching me be punished. Just couldn't accept my daily torment of you and move on with your life. No, of course not. You needed _justice_! You needed _fairness_! Refused to let me copy off your papers! Had the _nerve _to get upset at me for throwing water balloons at you! You had the utter _audacity _to be upset that I wrote a short story where you were bloodily massacred by dinosaurs!"

Susie was trying her best not to start crying. "You… you're such a _jerk_," she hissed. "I d-d-d-don't know why I… thought you had changed…"

Evil Calvin tilted his head in confusion. "Oh, Susie… Did you think I went to Oz and found myself a _heart_? Please. You're already doomed to be a slimy _girl_. Don't make it worse by being _stupid_. I had a momentary lapse in character recently." He leaned down and gave her a simply chilling smile. "Now I'm back to normal, and I'm ready to take care of you…"

Having had enough of listening to those horrifying words coming out of their not-son's mouth, Mom and Dad leapt from the car and ran towards them, followed by Rosalyn with her pipe. "Hey!" Dad shouted. "Leave her alone!"

Evil Calvin and Jark looked back and saw them coming. "Oh, look – here come mommy and daddy! Come to bring the hammer down! Finally grew a spine and decided to act like _real _parents?"

Before they could answer, Rosalyn took the heavy pipe and struck Jark across his great big knees, and the big ol' monster let out a howl of pain before he fell over on his back, sending Evil Calvin unexpectedly flying through the air. As he landed on his back, the Hypercube fell to the pavement, sending some of its contents scattering out of the portal and spilling everywhere.

"Oh my god…," Mom gasped. "His rubix cube is… Is it going to turn out his cardboard box can _actually _travel in time?!"

"Just get Susie to the car," Dad ordered, already going through the various objects that had fallen out.

While his wife and Rosalyn rescued Susie, and with Jark and Evil Calvin distracted, Dad scoured the smattering of junk for anything useful. No weapons to be found – which, considering this thing belonged to his son, was kind of a relief – before his eyes landed on a cell phone. Normally, he loathed any kind of technology like this, but in desperation, he decided it was worth a try. He snatched it up and followed the others to the car.

"Did you seriously just attack Calvin?!" Susie was asking incredulously.

"Not Calvin. Long story," said Dad as he backed them out of the parking lot and drove them down the highway.

* * *

Evil Calvin rubbed his backside and got up just in time to see the maroon car drive off down the road. He was able to spot Susie in the backseat, and he gave an angry screech before running after them. Of course, as evil as he was, he was still a little seven-year-old boy, so running was only going to get him so far.

And so far was about fifty feet before he ran out of energy.

Jark rubbed his sore knee and walked awkwardly up behind him. "Okay, so you lost the girl. Big whoop. Happens to all of us. There's still plenty more out there to kill and destroy."

Evil Calvin snarled. "But she's the one I hate the _most_! I had her right at my feet, cowering, ready to beg for mercy, _and she freakin' gets away_!" He furiously kicked some shrubbery and started thrashing it to just a pile of twigs and leaves.

Jark stood off to the side, watching the child in fascination. He may be nothing but pure evil, but he was still a child. "Okay, look," he said calmly. "They're not going to get far. Odds are they'll run into you again, and you can have your revenge later. In the meantime, let's find some innocent civilians to slaughter. That'll cheer you up."

Evil Calvin stood panting in the remains of the shrub, sweat dripping down his face, which was downcast so he wouldn't make eye contact with Jark.

They were both distracted by a loud scream in the field by the park. Turning to look, they saw a few monsters were prowling around another kid, who was in the fetal position on the ground. Curious, they went over to investigate.

"What've we got here, dare I ask?" Jark asked, peering over the group.

"Found another one, boss," one of the monsters hissed. "Debating whether or not we should eat him. He looks so… gamey…"

Evil Calvin walked through the circle and immediately recognized who it was lying on the ground. It was Moe, looking absolutely petrified.

"Well, well, well…," he murmured. "Looky what we got here… The old class bully."

Moe looked up at him in disbelief. "T-T-Twinky…?"

Evil Calvin smirked. "I suppose this is the part where you're going to beg for my help and promise never to hurt me again if we join forces and – "

"Eat _him_!" Moe shouted pathetically, pointing his great big index finger at the other kid. "Eat _him_! Not _me_! He probably tastes better than I do! No one will miss him! Just let me have his pocket change before you kill him!"

As he wept on the ground, Evil Calvin stared at him incredulously. "Wow… you really _are _a jerk."

"So what should we do with _him_?" asked Jark. "Want us to eat him?"

Evil Calvin considered for a moment. "No…," he said, taking out the hypercube. "I think I can come up with something _much _worse…"

He reached inside and pulled out a jester's hat with jingly bells on them.

Moe was immediately regretting all his life choices up to that point.

* * *

Calvin's parents drove the car through another part of town that was light on the destruction and mayhem. Barely a person in sight. Clearly, the monsters hadn't gotten this far into town yet. Finding an enclosed alley, they parked the car inside and killed the engine.

"You're seriously trying to tell me that wasn't Calvin?" demanded Susie.

"Susie, I promise you, that wasn't our son," said Mom.

"But that's insane!"

"Trust me – we've seen worse. During our camping trip, we wound up on a spaceship, so our horizons have been expanded."

Rosalyn whistled. "Didn't see _that _in the vacation snaps."

Dad pulled out the cell phone he had found. "What I want to know is – why does our son have a cell phone? We haven't bought him one. I can barely stand to have one myself."

Mom took it and turned it over. To her surprise, there was a name label on the back. "It's printed on the back - it belongs to Andy! He must've been storing it in there!" She swiped her thumb across the screen and found herself looking at the boy's main menu.

"Feels weird that we're going through an eight-year-old boy's cell phone," said Dad.

"It's been a weird day," replied Rosalyn.

"I'm in his contacts," Mom announced. "But I'm not seeing Calvin's name… Everything looks pretty normal… oh, but wait… There's another name here that's kind of weird… There's someone named 'Jack T Robot'…"

Dad blinked. "You don't think… an actual _robot_, do you?"

"What should I do?"

"… Try calling… and put him on speaker phone."

Mom pressed the necessary buttons, and they all waited for the ringing to stop.

After a few seconds, somebody picked up.

"Hey, Andy, what's up? Any update on the whole evil duplicate of Calvin thing?"

Mom and Dad stared at the phone in momentary stupefaction before coming to their senses.

"Er… sorry, but… this is Calvin's parents speaking," Dad said in a very awkward voice.

There was a long silence on the other end of the line.

"Oh…," the voice said at last. "So… where's Andy?"

"We don't know… We just found his phone. The… _Evil _Calvin dropped it. We were trying to find someone who could help us."

"Help with what, exactly?"

"Well, our neighborhood is being overrun by monsters, and we don't really know what to do to stop it," said Mom. "We just… we don't know where our real son is and… we're kind of out of our depth."

Suddenly, there was another voice on the phone. "Who are you talking to?!"

"No one, Larry!" the first voice said before readdressing his callers. "Sorry, we've got company…"

But the first voice persisted. "You have to screen all your calls! Lord Brainstorm demands it!"

"He hasn't demanded diddlysquat since breakfast last Wednesday."

"… He _inferred _it to be his desire!"

"Look, I'm a little busy right now. Calvin's parents are on the phone…"

"Wait, the family of our sworn enemy?! This is our chance! Gimme that!"

There was a muffled scuffle on the other line that made everyone in the car jump. They heard voices, some yelling and a few words that made Rosalyn decide to cover Susie's ears.

A moment later, the new voice spoke clearly into the phone. "Attention, Calvin's parents!" he declared. "My name is Larry, and I am here to inform you that we are your son's worst enemies! We shall execute upon him a cruel and painful demise…"

"Larry, give me that back!" the first voice demanded.

"No! You know you have to filter your calls through me first!"

"Not with my _personal phone_, you jerk! Now give it back!"

The scuffle resumed, but the second voice called out across what seemed to be a large room. "Quickly! Trace the call! Activate the teleporter! Bring them here!"

"Now hold on a minute…!"

Mom looked across to Dad. "I'm thinking we should hang up…"

Before Dad could reply, they all noticed that the car was beginning to glow a light blue color. Streaks of energy appeared around them that crackled like a million bug zappers.

"What's happening?" cried Susie.

Dad gulped. "I think they traced the call."

It was such a weird thing, to be teleported for the first time. They felt their every molecule be broken down into their most basic component atoms, during which the world blurred and turned a blinding white. Then, a few seconds passed, during which there was the strange sensation of travel without actually going anywhere. This was followed by the sensation of them being slowly reassembled, atom by atom, until they began to feel like themselves again, albeit a bit tingly.

When their reassembly was finally complete, they looked around in stunned silence.

The car was parked in the middle of a massive room. There were elevator doors against the wall, and clockwise from that, there was a large TV with a few recliners before it, a workbench with several pieces of equipment on it, an entrance that said 'Hangar' over it, another room with a sign reading 'Experimental Laboratory – Keep Out', a door that led to some kind of sleeping quarters, and finally a small kitchen with all the usual amenities.

"Where are we…?" Susie asked fearfully.

Suddenly, the car lurched, and they stared up to find an older guy had jumped on the hood of the car. "You are in the lab of your future ruler and conqueror, Dr Franklin J Brainstorm!" he declared.

"Hey!" Dad shouted, already getting out. "Get your filthy boots off my car!"

"Silence, father of our enemy! We will not allow you to – whoops!" The minute Dad had gotten too close, he'd backed up and fallen off the car and landed on the floor in a heap.

By now, the car's occupants noticed that a bunch of other people were walking up as well, some of them pointing weapons.

"Wow…," said a young woman. "They look so… _normal_…"

"As opposed to what?" Mom demanded, getting out of the car as well.

"Well, I mean… the parents of our leader's greatest enemy… We were kind of expecting something more… sinister."

"Yeah," agreed another man. "I figured one of you would have an eyepatch."

"And maybe be half-machine," said an older woman.

"Enough of this chatter!" the first man snapped. "When is your son due to attack us?"

Mom and Dad stared at him blankly. "… What?"

"Oh, don't think we don't know! He's our deadliest enemy! We are prepared for anything he has to throw at us! _What is his plan_?!"

Suddenly, a robotic arm extended onto the scene and grabbed the weapon out of the man's hands. "Okay, that's enough," said the voice from the phone. "Time to put the toys down, kids."

"Jack, stop it!" the man yelled. "You're ruining everything!"

"Darn right, I am," Jack replied, stepping through the crowd, gathering up all the weapons from these people like they were naughty children. "Look at you, pointing ray guns at helpless civilians. This is why we can't have people over."

He gathered all the weapons up, and then used his extending arms to put them on a gantry way over them where they couldn't reach them.

Then, he regarded Calvin's parents, Susie, Rosalyn and the car. "… Who was in charge of teleporting them?"

The young woman sheepishly raised her hand.

"Ashley, we've been over this. Take your time when inputting the coordinates. Otherwise, you take more than you bargain for… like, say, a _car_…"

"Sorry," Ashley muttered. "Larry was rushing me."

"Yes, Larry's definitely been a bit too bossy lately," Jack agreed, giving the man a stern look.

"You never let us be evil," Larry complained. "We're here to take over the world!"

"No, you're here because you're a sad loser who latched onto some poor guy and won't leave him alone. Now don't make me put you in time out, mister."

Larry pouted like a spoiled child and crossed his arms sullenly.

"Now then!" Jack said brightly. "What brings you folks here?"

Dad – still a bit stunned – found his voice. "… Aren't you the robot that kidnapped our son once?"

Jack blinked. "Er… well, sort of…"

"No."

They all looked up at the voice. It had come from in front of the TV. Upon closer inspection, Calvin's parents could see there was a man in his bathrobe sitting in one of the recliners. He wasn't even facing them.

Mom and Dad looked at him in confusion before walking over to investigate. The man hadn't shaved in days. His expression was completely slack. Even as they walked in front of him, he didn't stop staring at the blank TV screen. All he had with him was a glass of water.

Mom tilted her head and squinted at him. "Wait… you're that guy who kidnapped him when we were in Oregon!"

"No," the man replied. "I only pretended to. He didn't think you'd believe the truth, so we faked the kidnapping to provide a simpler story the world could swallow."

Dad looked very lost. "Then… where was he that whole time?"

"On a cruise ship. Trapped there by aliens. We fought side-by-side to defeat them. I only pretended I'd kidnapped him for the publicity. Hence the fan club over there."

Mom and Dad looked back, but the fan club didn't seem to be listening. They were too busy arguing with each other.

Susie cleared her throat. "I'm… sorry, but where are we? What is this place?"

"Welcome to the lab, miss," Jack replied. "Currently located under Yellowstone National Park, a short walk from Old Faithful."

"Old Faithful? Shouldn't we be roasting right now? There's a massive super volcano under the park!"

"Nah, we put a cork in it. Should be all right for a while."

"And just who are you two?" Mom asked.

"He's Dr Frank Brainstorm, and I'm his – ahem – _robotic servant_, Jack. He's kind of out to rule the world."

"And you… know our son?"

"Yeah, Calvin's a pal. I mean, he's not supposed to be, because he keeps defeating him, but still…"

"You're… _fighting _our son?"

"… Well, when you put it like that…"

Dad grimaced. "I don't know which is weirder – that a grown man is continually attacking our son, or that our son is _beating _him."

Dr Brainstorm let out a sad groan from the chair and sunk lower into his bathrobe.

"Yeah, maybe don't mention that fact to him," Jack whispered. "He's kind of down right now."

Susie approached and saw the sad state the man in the chair was in. "Excuse me, sir, but… is something wrong?"

Dr Brainstorm sighed. "Only _everything_, little girl," he said melodramatically. "I've grown up in a very evil household. The Brainstorm family has been trying to take over the world for so long now, we don't even remember why. But it's passed down from generation to generation, hoping that one day, we _will _find a way to make civilization bow down before us. Alas… I have not been successful…"

"What do you mean?"

"I've been trying to be evil for so long now… but I've noticed lately that… I've been _saving _the world instead of _enslaving _it. A couple months ago, I helped a little old lady reach some non-fat non-dairy creamer from the top shelf at the grocery store, and then it hit me – I should have poured it on her head and _laughed_! But _no_! I _helped _her!"

Susie shrugged helplessly. "But that's just basic human decency!"

"Oh, don't _remind _me! I'm having enough of a bad day as it is!" He turned away from them sadly.

There was a long silence. By now, even the fan club had gone quiet.

Rosalyn spoke up. "I know what it's like."

Dr Brainstorm looked up at her in confusion. "… You do?"

"You _do_?!" Mom and Dad both asked together.

"Yes… Well, maybe not _exactly_ like you, but the same basic idea." She walked around and knelt down in front of him. "An identity crisis. You've reached this crossroads in your life and started wondering, 'Who am I? What am I doing? What should I do next?' I know what that's like."

"How?"

"I'm about to start college, and I've been asking myself those same questions. What am I doing? What should I do next? What am I going to be? _Who _am I going to be? And you know what? There's no right or wrong answer to those questions. People change and evolve over time. The important thing is that you follow your gut. Trust your instincts so they lead you where you need to go."

Dr Brainstorm looked at her for a very long time, strangely moved by her words.

The moment was broken, however, when Larry stormed forwards. "Okay, that's enough!" he snapped. "We've been putting up with these intruders for _too _long!"

Dad spluttered. "Wha—Intruders?! _You _brought _us_ here!"

Larry ignored him. "It's time we started interrogating them! Finding out our enemy's weaknesses! Forget all this nonsense, Master Brainstorm! _Your _destiny is to be evil and rule the world! We are your army, awaiting your commands!"

Jack glared at him. "Yeah, what an army. Frank, listen – you're only evil because your parents wanted you to be. This is probably the first time you've really started to question it. You need to figure out whether or not you really want to continue on this path, or if it's time to start a new one."

"Quiet, robot! Go do something subservient like you were _programmed _to do!"

Ashley stepped in the middle of the argument. "Okay, let's not lose our heads here. Everyone just calm down."

Suddenly, there was a movement behind them that made them jump in surprise. They turned to see what it was.

Dr Brainstorm had stood up.

Tightening the rope on his bathrobe, he padded across the room in his slippers to the large command controls on the other side of the room.

Dad followed him there, concerned. "Um, excuse me, but… what are you doing?"

"First things first," Dr Brainstorm replied as he turned the machine on. "Why are you here? Why did you call us?"

"Oh, er… We were kind of in a bind. You see, the… _duplicate _of Calvin released all these monsters into the world, and we were on the run…"

Dr Brainstorm nodded and flipped a few switches at his computer. The giant monitor came on, and they looked up to see several security feeds in their own neighborhood. Sure enough, they could see the monsters in question – flipping over cars, setting fires, smashing buildings and causing miscellaneous mayhem.

Everyone looked at Dr Brainstorm, waiting to see what he would do.

Finally, he turned around and faced the group surrounding him.

"Jack – get me some clean clothes and prep the rocket. I'm going to shower and shave before we get going."

Jack raised a metallic eyebrow, feeling a tiny bit of hope in his CPU. "Going? Going where?"

Dr Brainstorm didn't even glance back as he headed for the shower. "To save the world, obviously."

Jack smiled. "I'm on it, Frank."

"_DR BRAINSTORM!_"

And like that, all was right with the world again.


	11. Attempts to Break Through

Calvin was super-bored with the fact that his main thing right now was running around Rupert's ship with no real goal in mind for how to escape. Other than a few trite interactions with the villains of the piece, there wasn't a real lot else to do. None of his friends to exchange ideas with, no one to yell at or slow him down… Heck, he didn't even have something important to carry around and keep safe. Just running around the ship and doing nothing of interest while everyone undoubtedly had more exciting things to do. It wasn't the most entertaining part of the adventure.

Still, it was more interesting than just being locked up, so here he was.

Walking further into the ship, he tried to remember where he was going. He hadn't been here in a long time, but his brief stint disguised as one of the crew had given him some idea of the layout. He ran to where he knew the main flight deck was. He ran up the ramps and through the open hatchway – these aliens rarely locked anything – before skidding to a halt inside.

The place was huge. Possibly the size of a football field. Multiple levels with computer columns that stretched and twisted all the way up to the third-floor ceiling. Gantries lined the walls with more computers and flashing lights. It made Calvin wonder if these idiots actually knew how any of this stuff worked.

Speaking of those 'these idiots', he wasn't surprised to run into a few of the alien crew, all sitting idly in their weird-looking alien chairs and playing games on the computers. There was even a Zokian version of Solitaire.

Calvin attempted sneaking into the room, but alas, Biff looked up from his game and spotted him. "Oh, hey! Earth Potentate guy! What brings you here?"

Calvin froze where he stood, his mind racing, and then he remembered that they were idiots and thus would be fairly easy to lie to. "Oh… you know, just out and about. Needed to stretch the old legs."

"I know what _that's _like," laughed Danny. "Except for the legs part."

"So, can we do anything for you?" Biff asked.

"Nah, I can help myself. Just gonna… you know… look at stuff. Press some buttons. See what happens."

They shrugged good-naturedly. "Eh, suit yourself." They turned back to their various activities.

Calvin rolled his eyes. The main control panel was just ahead, so he put himself down in one of the enormous chairs – they _had _to be enormous to accommodate their massive tentacles – and got to work looking at the buttons.

There sure were a lot of them. Various colors, some illuminated, some blinking, and others just sitting there looking shifty.

Cracking his knuckles, he knew the best way to go about this – push a bunch and see what happens. His fingers jabbed into one button after the other. With any luck, one of these would enable him to alter the ship's flight path, if not back to Earth, then at least away from Zok, delaying the trip.

Around the room, the various buttons did their jobs. Biff and Danny looked up to the sound of the windshield wipers activating, and then saw the cleaning droids come into the room to do some vacuuming. The lights dimmed, then brightened, then shut off completely, then came back on in various colors. Music came on, then disappeared, then different music came on, then disappeared. The chairs went into massage mode, shaking them around a bit. Then, the chairs declined and reclined and went back again, making them dizzy.

Calvin ignored all of this as he tried to find the right button to give himself control of the ship. He knew if he just continued what he was doing, then process of elimination would point him in the direction of the correct button. Had to be _something _useful here. There just _had _to be.

At last, with the room full of flashing lights, annoying music, cleaning droids and malfunctioning chairs, he pressed a button that made the big screen in front of him change graphics.

_Please Enter New Flight Path_

_Finally_, Calvin thought with great relief. He went to start typing.

Alas, it was not meant to be, because at that moment, there was a rumbling from somewhere deep inside the ship.

"What's that?" he asked.

Biff looked around in confusion. "Well… the last time we had a shaking like this, it was because we accidentally set off the nuclear warheads in the basement… but that shouldn't happen _now_…"

"Unless somebody pushed the button that remote activates them," Danny pointed out.

"True, but that probably isn't what's happening. I mean, we _all _know not to push _that _button."

Calvin looked at the myriad of buttons he had just pressed and gulped. "Yeah… we _all _know…"

Then, he noticed the room was growing brighter, and the source of light was definitely coming from above him. Looking up, he saw the ceiling was emitting an ethereal white glow as it warped and bent slightly, like something was trying to push through it.

Then – _CRUNCH_ – something long and dark brown burst through, wriggling madly.

With an undignified yelp, Calvin jumped out of the seat and dove out of the way as it finished forcing its way through, smashing down into the room and stomping around madly.

Biff and Danny whirled around at the noise and stared at it amazement. "Whoa! What's that?"

Calvin fell to the floor and backed away frantically, morbidly fascinated by this new development. "It looks like… legs!"

Indeed, there was more than one of those long ugly things coming down, stomping and thrashing at the world around them. They continued to flail for a few seconds before they bent in Calvin's direction, like they were spotting him for the first time. They lingered for a moment before suddenly retreating back into the white light. The ceiling untwisted and righted itself as the light blinked off.

It was like nothing had happened.

"… Weird," said Biff. He and Danny turned back to their games.

Calvin stared at the ceiling, then at them, and then back at the ceiling. Clearly, they had no idea what was going on, so this wasn't something the aliens were doing. He got up again and dusted himself off, not sure whether or not he should try sitting in the chair again. It had only come down when he tried to use the computers.

It became academic as there was a made scurrying in the corridor, and he turned around in time to see Rupert come slithering in.

"What the heck is going on in here?! What's with all these power fluctuations – _you_!" he snarled, spotting Calvin. In an instant, he had his blaster out and was aiming it at him.

"Sorry for the noise," said Calvin pleasantly. "Just wanted to borrow the computer."

Rupert growled. "You either come with me or …"

But that's as far as he got before there was a rumbling in the ceiling, and the bright light started shining. A second later, the long ugly legs came down again, stamping furiously and preventing Rupert from attacking. They thrashed around, knocking the blaster from his tentacles.

"Hey!" he shouted. "What is the meaning of this? What _are _these?!"

"Not yours, I take it?" Calvin asked, already making for the opposite door. "Well, that makes things more interesting. Bye!"

Rupert shouted and tried to force his way past the legs, but suddenly, they retreated back into the ceiling again, like they were never there. Furious, he snatched up his weapon and gave chase after the boy.

Calvin skidded back into the main corridor, his thoughts going at a hundred miles an hour. It was starting to make more sense.

Inside his head, those little voices were talking again.

"The entity the MTM told us about – those were _its _legs," he said to the others around that table. "It was trying to break into our world."

Spiff scratched his chin. "But why _now_? What's the point?"

"Trying to effect the outcome of this misadventure?" Stupendous Man suggested.

Tracer nodded. "It would explain a heck of a lot. The air duct collapsing, then the ceiling collapsing on Retro… Heck, the fact that Retro is here at all could be down to the creature's influence."

"The question is…," said Spiff, "…is it on _our _side? It certainly helped us out by blocking Rupert…"

"But it prevented us from using the flight computer," added Tracer. "Something's up…"

"Neither friend nor foe," said Stupendous Man. "I hate it when the enemy is multifaceted. Makes it less clear whether I should be beating them up."

"Agreed," sighed Calvin. "Whoops, hang on – something's happening."

He blinked and found himself back in the alien corridor. He skidded to a halt before a junction. He recognized it. He turned and saw a very welcome sight at the end of the new corridor. This was the way to the escape pods.

Score!

He turned and made a quick dash towards the outer space life raft that awaited him. If he could just get inside and get it flying, he could start heading back to Earth…

But then, to his horror, the left wall just ahead started to glow again, and he was forced to skid to a stop just before the long ugly legs burst through into his world again, blocking his path to the pods. Yelping, he turned and ran back, the legs seemingly chasing him all the way back to the junction. He got there and started turning towards the path he'd earlier rejected, and it was at that point the legs stopped chasing him. Skidding to a halt, he looked back and saw them just hovering there, almost like they were staring at him.

Tentatively, he backed away, further up the corridor, and they began to retreat back into the wall. Then, he took a few steps towards the junction again, and they started to approach him again, making it fully clear that they were here to prevent his escape.

"Okay…," he said quietly. "_Not _on my side, then…"

There was a blast of energy close to his head, and he realized that Rupert was coming and already firing, even if he couldn't see him yet. Sighing heavily to himself, he turned and ran up the corridor, while the long legs retreated all the way back into the wall.

In the distance, almost drowned out by the sound of the energy blasts, he could hear Rupert talking into a communicator. "Earl! I need some help out here! Report to Corridor 55-B!"

* * *

He could call all he wanted, but Earl wasn't in the mood to answer. He was sitting in a daze at a control panel in the security room, still recovering from his near-death experience in the foundry.

It was a weird thing for him. As a captain, he had faced death many times in his tenure. So many dangerous assignments, so many times to risk life and limb for the mission, on far worse planets than Earth. And with a crew like his, it just made near-death experiences happen more frequently. Still, he had been able to get himself and others out of danger many times before. Self-reliance was what he had come to depend on in these situations. Just how it was.

So imagine how stunned he was that when in a situation he shouldn't have survived, someone had gone to the trouble of saving him, and it had been his worst enemy. He could've just let Earl tumble away and be burned alive, out of his life forever, but instead, he'd stopped and saved him. The boy had saved him.

It was such a weird thing to think and yet, it had definitely happened. How? Why? What had possessed him? Now he was free to hunt the boy again. Didn't he know that?

He was dimly aware of Rupert's voice on the communicator, but he turned it off. Didn't want to hear his voice right now. He still partly blamed himself for Rupert's madness. If they'd just gone ahead and rescued him from that human prison, maybe things would have been different. Maybe not. He knew he shouldn't dwell on the "what if's", but he just wanted to go back to the good old days. Now, Rupert's obsession had caused the collapse of their universal rule and seen their own civilization crumble. It had gone on for too long. Something needed to be done.

He and Rupert had worked well together. A long time ago, they would've made it work. But Rupert had changed, and not for the better. Things had deteriorated between them. Now Earl found himself as much on the receiving end of Rupert's cruelty as their idiot crew. He wondered if the abuse would reduce him to a blithering simpleton like the rest of them. He wondered if his own abuse on the crew had caused their regression into morons…

Earl shook his head. His mind was taking him to weird places that he didn't care for. Zokians were never that great at self-introspection.

He was so busy thinking that he didn't notice Lenny come slithering in.

"Hey, Earl," he said cheerfully. "Everything okay in here?"

His captain didn't look at him, nor did he say anything for a few moments. But then…

"Lenny… do you like working for us?"

Lenny was surprised. He'd never been asked that before. "Oh… I mean… I guess… I _do _like flying the ship. That's fun. Space travel really cool when you get to steer…"

Earl knew there was more. "_But_…?" he prompted.

Lenny squirmed a little. "But… things have been changing around here… Like, when we had the… er… _shock collars_… and all that other stuff, like the yelling and things like that. Not as much fun."

Earl shifted in his seat. "No… No, I suppose they wouldn't be."

"And… well… to be honest, the rest of us have been kind of uncomfortable with where this mission is going. Especially when Rupert wanted to destroy the Earth. Seemed kind of… mean, you know?"

"Very mean," Earl said quietly. "I've been concerned about Rupert lately."

"So have we," agreed Lenny. "I'm kind of… not sure about him. I mean, I'm not sure about _a lot _of things, but… he's just… yikes."

"Indeed. His obsession has only grown. It's endangering our world."

They sat in silence for a moment. It was a weird thing for Earl to actually have a candid conversation with a member of his own crew. He rarely had the patience, but now, it seemed easier than it ever had before.

"So…," Lenny said at last. "If we're this uncomfortable working for him, why are we?"

Earl blinked. He was actually stumped. Not a good sign.

At that moment, the radar started to make some noise at them, and they both looked to see.

"What's that?" asked Lenny.

"Another ship," said Earl, typing in a few commands for the computer. "Let's see… something familiar about that make and model…"

Lenny's eyes lit up. "Oh! It's those two Annkorians! Whatstheirnames… Gally and Nebby?"

Earl frowned as he performed a scan on the ship. "Indeed, it is…," he said quietly.

* * *

Hobbes peered out of the porthole as Galaxoid and Nebular parked alongside the massive battle cruiser floating beside them.

"Okay," said Galaxoid. "We can hack the computers to hide ourselves so they don't know that we're docking, but beyond that, we should come up with a plan."

"Not one of our strong suits," said Sherman dourly.

"Not to worry!" Socrates said eagerly. "I've been in the planning stage for what to do during the entire trip!" He whipped out a notepad. "Once we're aboard, we'll put it into action. It's going to require fake mustaches, extensive plastic surgery, and then we'll use a crate load of whoopee cushions as a diversion!"

Everyone stared at him blankly.

"So wait…," said Andy, trying to keep up, "… we get the false mustaches _after _the plastic surgery?"

"Yeah?"

"Okay, so… if we're getting plastic surgery, why do we even _need_ false mustaches?"

"You think I should replace the false mustaches with something else?"

"I'd rather you replaced the _plastic surgery _with something else," said Hobbes.

"But I already know a guy who can give us a three for one deal!"

"There's six of us."

"I know, but at least then three of us would be taken care."

"Maybe three of us should get plastic surgery, and the other three should use the false mustaches," suggested Andy.

"Dibs on the first mustache," said Sherman flatly.

"_My _question…," said Nebular, "… is where are we getting whoopee cushions from?"

Socrates cleared his throat awkwardly. "Yes, well… I _did _say I was still in the planning stage on this."

While the others were either groaning or muttering incredulities, Galaxoid noticed one of his screens had lit up, and he went over to investigate. What he saw made his one eye widen in surprise.

"If we're all quite finished, fellows," he said urgently, "we just got a message from the ship."

They all looked up in shock.

Hobbes found his voice. "You mean… they know we're here?"

"_Someone _does. They're hailing us and… inviting us to dock with them."

"Do we know who?"

"No… an anonymous invite. Most mysterious. Normally, you'd see a crewmember's insignia, but this has nothing."

"So…," said Andy, "… do we accept the invite or not?"

"Yeah, we have no idea who it's from," said Sherman. "It might be a trap."

Hobbes waited for an answer for at least three seconds before he realized they were all expecting _him_ to give it. Shouldering on his authority, he began to pace around a bit as his mind raced with all the possibilities. Sherman was right – it _could _be a trap. But for all they knew, maybe Calvin had gotten free and was letting them in. Or maybe one of the alien crew had seen them without knowing who they were. All very likely scenarios.

"Okay…," he said at last. "We accept the invite… but we proceed with caution. Be ready for anything. Are there any weapons pointed at us?"

"None whatsoever," said Galaxoid.

"Then let's bring 'er in."

"Are you sure about this?" asked Sherman.

"Of course not, but when are any of us _ever_?"

"Fair point."

Galaxoid and Nebular took to the flight controls. "Docking in progress," they said.

Their ship turned and headed for the Zokian battle cruiser. The cargo bay doors slid open, and they went inside.


	12. So Close, Yet So Far

"Nebular, do we really have anything to defend ourselves with?"

"We're an exploration ship, we don't exactly stock weapons..."

"I have my camera!"

"Camera's not going to do much, Socrates."

"No, I mean, I have my camera! Can you guys switch a light on? I'm not picking up anything."

"You're documenting this dangerous event?"

"_Vlogging_, thank you!"

"Yeah, documenting would imply some level of thought put into it…"

"You shut your smug hamster mouth up!"

Suddenly, there was the sound of a generator clunking on, and all the lights in the spaceship roared back to life, revealing, Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates, Galaxoid and Nebular all standing at the front of the room, staring off into the blackness outside the windows.

"I guess we've parked…," Andy said, slowly.

"Also, 'smug hamster mouth'?" Sherman demanded, looking over at Socrates incredulously.

Socrates stuck his tongue out at Sherman.

There was a silence as everyone stood, trying to determine their next plan of action.

Finally, Hobbes broke the silence. "That actually reminds me, Socrates, you remember that one time like fourteen years ago when you completely broke character and were evil for a little bit?"

"Didn't we strike that from canon?" Socrates asked.

"Did we?"

"Pretty sure. I don't remember at this point. I mean, how many rewrites has our lore even had?"

Hobbes paused. "Is this conversation even canon?"

"Is what conversation even canon?"

"Do we have _anything_ that can even possibly be used as a weapon?" Sherman piped up once again, trying to keep everyone on track.

"I have a swiss army knife," Andy offered.

"They have ray guns. Nothing ranged?" Sherman groaned.

"What about the Time Pauser?"

Sherman tapped his chin in thought. "I mean, that's not a bad thing to have on you… Keep it handy. What else do we have?"

"Erm... We have a vacuum cleaner?" Galaxoid offered weakly.

There was a moment of silence.

"Sure, we'll use the vacuum cleaner," Sherman deadpanned. "We always manage to make this nonsense work anyway."

"Oooh! Can I use it?" Socrates shouted, excitedly.

"Why not? Why don't you just attach your camera to it, while you're at it?"

"Way ahead you, little rodent buddy!" Socrates shouted happily, pulling his cell phone out along with a roll of duct tape.

"Brilliant," Sherman growled. "Our lives are in good hands as always…"

"… You okay there, Shermie?" Andy asked.

Air hissed and smoke bellowed from the ship's bay doors and the group slowly peered into the Zokain ship. In the blackness they could vaguely make out the shapes of engines and other moving mechanical parts. Nothing exceptionally out of the ordinary, though.

Socrates lead the charge, holding in his hand a large hose connected to a large spherical bag latched onto his back. He held it out in front of him as he walked.

"Did anybody bring a flashlight?" Andy whispered.

"No, this lighting is perfect." Socrates whispered back. "It really sets the mood."

"Okay, here's the plan…," Hobbes said slowly. "We'll stick together and make our way to the ship's main control room. Then we'll…"

"Why are we whispering? I can help you get to the control room."

Hobbes' head jerked to one side where his vision was immediately filled with a pair of faintly glowing yellow compound eyes staring into him.

"AAAAUGH!" Hobbes screamed, tumbling backwards.

"AAAAAUGH!" the alien also screamed, tumbling backwards himself.

"AAAAUGH!" Everyone else proceeded to scream, as Socrates aimed the hose at the glowing eyes.

_VRRRRRRRRRRIP!_

The alien clawed and struggled, but was ultimately powerless against the strangely overpowered suction of the vacuum, as he was pulled into the hose and sucked up into the bag on Socrates' back.

Sherman stared at Socrates, dumbfounded. "That _worked_?"

"Yeah…?" Socrates said. "Why, you weren't expecting it to?"

"How did that work?! How in the absolute - ?"

"It's dark in here!" Dave shouted out of the bag. "Should I keep screaming?"

"No! No, you shouldn't!" Hobbes snapped. "Where's Calvin?"

"Calvin? Who's Calvin?"

"You know who Calvin is, buddy!" Socrates snapped. "I recommend you speak before we unleash further cleaning products on you!"

"I have no idea who Calvin is…," Dave said, truthfully. "I just work here, man!"

"Calvin..." Andy sighed. "The kid you've all been trying to kill for however many years now..."

Dave was silent for a moment. "Nope. Not ringing a bell."

"Spiky hair? Usually has a red T-shirt?"

"Errrm…," Dave started. "You mean Rupert? His name's not Calvin. But he sometimes wears a red suit depending on what event we're going to."

Air hissed from Andy's nose. "The Earth Potentate…," he said, finally.

"Oh yeah! Him! Yeah, he's here!" Dave said, happily. "Can I go yet? I think I got a fluffball in my mouth."

"Where is he?" Sherman demanded.

"I dunno, I haven't seen him for a while. He's been running around the ship doing stuff. Last I saw, Rupert was mad about it or something."

Hobbes sighed with relief. "Okay, good, he's safe."

"He usually is when he's here," Dave said. "I mean, let's be honest…"

"What do we do now?" Galaxoid asked.

"I guess let's start looking…," Andy said.

"Should we let the worker drone go?" Socrates asked.

There was a silence as Hobbes and Andy stared at the bag on Socrates' back, while it squirmed slightly, as Dave presumably tried to find a comfortable position.

"Say, umm… Which one are you?" Andy asked.

"Dave!" the alien said, happily.

"Right…," Andy went on. "How would you like being our tour guide while we look for the Earth Potentate?"

"You would give me such an honor?" Dave said, the pitch of his voice raising with excitement.

"We sure would," Hobbes said. "You just have to be really quiet and take us to parts of the ship that Rupert and Earl don't usually check..."

"This is awesome! So it's like a super-secret surprise birthday party tour?!" Dave shouted.

There was a moment of silence.

"Sure…," Hobbes said. "It's, erm… it's exactly that."

"Do you have any remote idea how long I've wanted to do this exact thing for?!" Dave shouted.

There was a pause.

"No. How long?" Hobbes said, finally.

"Ever since I just brought it up! You have no idea how happy I am right now!"

Everyone sighed as Socrates unzipped the bag on his back, causing a cloud of dust and the alien to come tumbling out.

They waited for him to regain himself before Hobbes spoke again. "All right. Where was the last place you saw Calvin?"

"He walked by the game room while Lenny and I were playing checkers!"

"Cool… Great… can you _take_ _us_ to the game room?" Andy sighed.

"Nope! Earl locked the door down when he saw we were playing checkers and not looking for the Earth Potentate!"

"Can you take us to the locked door?" Galaxoid asked.

Dave stared at Galaxoid in confusion. "I… I mean… I guess I _could_… But we couldn't play checkers… The door is locked."

"We don't want to play checkers. We want to find Calvin," Socrates said.

"I can teach Calvin how to play checkers if you want. It's really easy," Dave said. "Then we can _all_ play checkers!"

"No… Forget about checkers, Dave!" Hobbes said, impatiently.

"You forgot how to play checkers?!" Dave gasped. "Don't worry! I'll teach you, too! First you roll the dice and try to get even numbers…"

"Dave!" Sherman shouted. All eyes went to the hamster. "If you find the Earth Potentate and help us get home, we will play _Super_ Checkers."

Dave stared at Sherman in wonder. "SUPER Checkers?"

"Super Checkers. We'll all gather around a board and play it to your heart's desire. _After_ we're home safe with Calvin. How does that sound?"

"That sounds like the most super funnest thing ever! I know _just_ the places to look! Follow me!"

And with that, the alien sprinted off, as much as he could do so, having tentacles for legs.

Everyone watched him for a moment.

"Have neither of them ever tried saying something like that to the crew to motivate them?" Hobbes asked.

"I… guess not…," Sherman said, slowly.

* * *

Rupert entered the lab as Retro worked tirelessly away at a new device sitting on a desk in the middle of the room. The device looked like a laptop with electric prongs sticking out of the sides. They crackled with electricity as Rupert approached.

"How's progress?"

"Slow, but I'm almost done," Retro said, closing the laptop. "This might interest you, though."

Rupert remained silent and motioned for him to continue. Retro pulled a cord out of the side of the computer that had a pair of electrodes on the end of them.

"We attach these to Calvin's brain, and we can trap him inside of his own mind and construct a nightmare. Torture him however we please."

"That's promising," Rupert nodded.

"Have you caught him yet?"

"No…, He's still loose on the ship, but he can't get away. We may have another issue though."

"Hmm?"

"Something _else_ is on the ship."

Retro paused, as he waited for Rupert to quantify this. "What do you mean?"

"What is that creature you have on Earth? The eight legged one…?"

"Spiders?" Retro asked, his brow furrowing.

"Yeah… Those. They _looked_ like spider legs… They just burst out of the ceiling and blocked me from getting to the boy…"

"Spider legs…?" Retro repeated, looking back down at his device. "Now what would _that_ be?"

"I don't know, but the boy didn't recognize it. So it's nothing of his."

"Really?" Retro said, thoughtfully rubbing the laptop. He remembered how easily Calvin escaped him due to the falling beam. Could that have been more than a coincidence? Was this something else that Calvin had dreamed up? "Hmmm… We need to find him… Fast."

Rupert nodded and pressed a button on his suit. His voice immediately began broadcasting throughout the ship's speaker system. Retro remained staring at his device as he did so.

"This is a red alert! This is not a drill! Get off the TV! I want the Earth Potentate located and brought to me immediately! This is an Alpha-level command and you will ignore all other directives until he is recaptured. Get him now!"

* * *

Hobbes and the rest of his group stared upwards at the ceiling of the corridor they were in as Rupert's announcement echoed throughout it.

Dave clicked his tongue in thought.

"Huh. Weird. Rupert usually doesn't want to play checkers."

"Yeah, we need to speed things up a bit," Hobbes said, turning back to the group.

"Dave!" Sherman shouted from Andy's shirt pocket. Dave looked around. "What Rupert meant to say is that he wants to find Calvin _first_, so he can play all the checkers with him first! He doesn't want you to play checkers, so he's challenging you to find Calvin before _he_ does."

"Ah yes, that makes perfect sense, actually," Dave nodded. "Don't worry! I'll get on the radio and tell the rest of the crew to be on the lookout! We will have the biggest game of checkers ever checkered!"

Sherman smiled with satisfaction. "I should have been the evil alien trying to kill you all," he chuckled, smugly. "I would have had it done right the _first_ time around."

Hobbes, Andy and Socrates all turned and gave Sherman a disturbed look.

"… What?"

* * *

Calvin looked around himself as the announcement played out.

"Oh-kay…," he said, slowly. "Maybe I'll stop messing around now. Hiding place, hiding place…"

He moved his hands over the spaceship walls, looking for some kind of door or indent, but he found nothing on the smooth surface. Finally, his eyes fell on an air vent on one of the turns. He moved towards it, until the same spiked spider legs erupted from the ground, making a sickly crunching sound in its wake, as it blocked the vent off. Still unused to this, Calvin reared back slightly and cringed.

Letting out a yelp of terror, he backed away from the vent and the legs quickly retracted back into the floor.

"Don't want me in there, then huh?" Calvin said, looking around. "What do you want? Why are you doing this?"

Over the humming of the ship, Calvin swore he heard the sound of whispering for a split second, but it was quickly drowned out by the machinery around him. Frustrated, he turned to leave.

* * *

Meanwhile, Hobbes and his group rushed to try and keep up with Dave, who was easily keeping ahead of them, as he raced down the corridor.

"Okay, so here's the way to the room with the weird legs," he announced, pointing down the corridor. "Although, they're not there anymore, and I don't think the Earth Potentate is there, either."

Hobbes poked his head in the room. Indeed, the whole place looked about as normal as normal could get – on an alien spaceship, that is, and actually, it would appear normal to the aliens themselves, probably. So nothing of note here.

Taking a moment, Hobbes sniffed the air. A familiar scent wafted through his nostrils. That smell that only little boys smell of… "He's definitely been here," he said, entering the room. Sniffing some more, he looked to the door on the far end of the room. "Looks like he went that way. Come on!"

Hobbes took the lead, and they all followed him through.

"Wow, that was cool!" Dave exclaimed. "You gotta teach me how to do that!"

"Grow yourself a nose first, and we'll consider it," replied Socrates.

Hobbes led the group down a maze of corridors, still following the scent.

"You sure we're going the right way?" asked Andy.

"Positive," he replied. "The nose knows. Just gotta follow the scent. It's strongest from down _this _way…"

But before they could go any further down the corridor, those enormous weird-looking spider legs shot out of the wall, across the floor and through the other wall, effectively cutting them off. They all collided with Hobbes when he stopped, and they all toppled over into a massive heap.

The tiger dug himself out from under his friends and saw the writhing thrashing legs before him. "What the ever-loving _heck_…?!"

Andy stared in open shock. "That's them…!" he gasped. "Those are the legs I keep seeing in my dreams! The creature!"

"That's it, all right," confirmed the MTM. "Definitely needs to give those things a shave."

"Quickly! Back the other way!" said Galaxoid, already dragging Nebular to safety.

They all struggled to their feet and made their way back up the corridor. Glancing back, they saw that the legs were retreating back into the wall.

"Can you still smell Calvin?" asked Socrates.

Hobbes sniffed the air again. "Yeah, his scent is kind of everywhere. It was at its strongest back that way, but I can smell it almost as strong down this junction coming up."

So they all turned at the next junction. They were just walking along before they were forced to skid to a halt. The legs erupted from the wall just ahead of them, causing them to all cry out in shock before they came to yet another stop.

"What the heck is the deal?!" Socrates demanded. "Why does it keep stopping us?"

"Must have some kind of ulterior motive," said Sherman. "It's got its own endgame lined up, and it's making sure we head in that direction."

"But is that _towards _Calvin or _away _from him?" Andy asked.

* * *

Calvin was running down a corridor not too far away from them. He was just running, trying to find his way to an escape pod, when he heard a voice in the distance. A voice he knew.

"_Calvin_…?" the voice shouted.

He skidded to a halt, looking in the direction he'd heard the voice. "Andy?!" he cried, turning and going in that direction.

* * *

"I just heard him!" Andy said.

"Yeah, so did the rest of us!" said Sherman. "Sounded like he came from back that way!"

They all turned and pounded their way up another corridor, keeping their eyes locked straight ahead. The further they ran, they noticed that the legs weren't appearing.

"I think we're finally on the right track!" said Hobbes.

Calvin rounded a bend and found himself coming face-to-face with another junction. He skidded to a halt when he saw something familiar ahead. Something he'd been hoping to see for a very long time now.

He saw his friends, running up the adjoining corridor. They were running so fast that they almost missed him, but then, he heard them start yelling, and they went running back the way they'd come, having him in their sights once again.

He and Hobbes saw each other. They were about one hundred feet apart, separated by the space of the long corridor.

"… Hobbes!" he cried joyously, running towards his friend.

Hobbes smiled a great big furry smile as well, and he started bounding down the corridor.

It was one of those moments where Calvin honestly believed that everything was finally going to be okay. In retrospect, he really should've known better. It's what he got for forgetting that life was hard and largely unfair.

Thankfully, those giant legs suddenly sprouted out of thin air to give him a firm reminder. They sprouted outwards and collided with the opposite wall.

"NO!" Calvin shouted. "No, no, no, _no_!"

Hobbes skidded to a halt just before the mess of legs, but he could still see his friend on the other side. "Oh, _come on_!" he shouted. "Let us through!"

"They're just skinny old legs!" said Socrates. "Let's try getting past them!"

"Agreed!" said Calvin, already in the process of climbing through the legs like they were enormous jungle vines.

Hobbes and Socrates on the other side were doing likewise, but they were unable to shift them. They attempted using their claws to cut through them, but a couple of the legs responded by suddenly coiling their way around the two tigers, grasping them above the floor. They thrashed and growled, trying to get free, but the legs sent them flying back down the corridor.

Calvin was still trying to force his way through, but another of the legs twitched suddenly, and he fell back to the floor. He got up for another try, but he was interrupted by a sudden mass of tentacles wrapping around his arms, dragging him back.

"Found him!" Carl shouted cheerfully.

"Yeah, we finally got him!" added Zack. "All set for capturing and stuff!"

Calvin thrashed and struggled to get free. "Let go of me!" he shouted.

"No," said a familiar voice. "Not anymore. Never again."

It was Rupert. Calvin looked back and saw that he was slithering through the crowd of aliens with Retro walking up behind him.

"You will _not _be escaping," Rupert continued. "You've done too much of that over the years."

Retro approached him, smirking gleefully. "And now…," he said, sounding a little giddy, "it's time for us to have some fun with you…"

Calvin writhed and struggled, but he simply couldn't get lose.

Hobbes had by now gotten back up again and was preparing to give the legs another attack, but his attempt fell flat as he and the others were suddenly tackled by the various aliens who weren't already on the other side.

"Wow, I can't believe it! We really got them!" Biff cheered.

Dave was the only who was confused. "Wait… what's happening?"

"Rupert says that we have to capture all the Earth Potentate's friends!"

"He did? Do you think this is part of his ploy to keep me from playing Super Checkers?"

The other aliens looked bemused. "What's 'Super Checkers'?" asked Erne.

"I don't know, but the hamster said he was going to show me!"

All the crew said, "Oooooooooooh," in great interest.

"No!" Rupert snapped. "Absolutely not! I will _not _let your buffoonery impede my revenge!"

The aliens all looked at him in confusion.

"What is this…'impede'… of which you speak?" asked Dave, perfectly serious.

Rupert looked like he was going to explode, so Retro stepped in. "What he means is, we have to finish the job first, and _then _we'll play this… '_Super _Checkers'."

"Ooooooooooh!" the aliens said again.

"Okay, you got it!" Biff cheered.

"Good. Take them away to be put in suspended animation so they can't interfere. We'll… have some fun with them later."

Kicking and yelling, Hobbes and his group were swarmed by the aliens and dragged away.

"No! Let go!" Hobbes yelled, trying to get free. "Stop! What are they going to do to him?!"

As Calvin thrashed and kicked, Retro gave the tiger a sickly smile. "Oh… just a tiny bit of torture…," he replied. "All in good fun, I assure you. But not to worry – I'll take care of you later, 'tiger'." With a mocking wave, he turned on his heel and walked after Rupert.

Hobbes tried even harder to get free, still yelling and pleading as he and his friend were fiercely dragged away.

* * *

Earl observed all of this on the monitors in the security room. He watched as Calvin was dragged away, fear in his eyes as he tried to escape, and he saw the fierce glee in Rupert's eyes, and the smug satisfaction in Retro's smile. Something about it… _chilled _him.

He watched as Hobbes and the others were all forcibly dragged off by the crew, no doubt oblivious to what was going to happen – what they were about to take part in. The horror of it all. Normally, he was pretty chill about these things, but the more he watched… He wasn't sure what to do anymore.


	13. Myopia of Morality

The street was quiet.

Cars were abandoned on the road, windows were smashed, and a couple of buildings had been reduced to rubble. This area of town had been abandoned since the monsters passed through, so any residence were hoping that it would be quiet for a while.

Then, the bells tinkled. Their soft jingles reverberated through the street. The rhythm was that of a very small person's footsteps.

They were Moe's footsteps. The schoolyard bully was walking down the deserted streets of town in a garish green-and-red-polka-dotted jester's outfit, complete with the four-tipped hat with sleigh bells on his head and curly shoes with matching bells on his feet. He was storming through town in a bad temper. He simply couldn't believe that he'd allowed stupid Twinky to put him in this getup. If his friends ever saw him, they'd disown him and laugh at him. He'd kill the smaller kid for this if it was the last thing he did.

As soon as he got out of this leash, that is.

That's right – Moe was walking around town in a jester's outfit with a long leash around his neck that was being held by Jark, who towered over him menacingly and growled at him to make him behave. It was amazing just how easy it was to make him behave himself. No thrashing. No fighting. He just walked like a sullen child – which he was, in case we all forgot – and did whatever they told him to.

Evil Calvin was up on Jark's shoulders, enjoying this immensely. Moe glared at up at him from the sidewalk, fuming. _He _should be the one running the monsters, not this little _pipsqueak_. _He'd _use the monsters to hold Calvin down while he pounded him whenever he felt like it. Man, that'd be sweet. Being able to just beat up whoever he wanted. What more could a guy want?

"Looking a little too cheery, Moe," Calvin's voice said.

Moe realized he'd been so busy fantasizing about beating up people that he'd started smiling. "Yeah? Whatcha gonna do about it, Twinky?" he snarled.

Evil Calvin shook his head. "Ah, they just never learn, do they?" he sighed.

"Crying shame, really," Jark agreed.

"Indeed… Okay, Moe!" Evil Calvin declared. "Go eat some of that garbage straight from the can."

Moe followed where the smaller boy was pointing and spotted an overfull garbage can full of banana peels, used coffee cups, fast food bags and the like. His stomach lurched at the very thought of it. "No way!" he shouted.

Jark leaned in close and barred his teeth, letting a wave of his foul breath wash over him.

Moe whimpered and ran for the garbage, hoping there'd be something remotely edible inside. He found a few stale French fries, but the still-half-full coffee cup had gone sour.

"Be sure to eat the paper bags, too!" Evil Calvin's voice called out to him. "Good source of… something, I guess. Maybe…"

Moe groaned miserably. He was _really _looking forward to beating up little kids again.

* * *

Evil Calvin grinned viciously as he watched the bully chow down. "Very nice," he murmured, his voice positively oozing with satisfaction. "I wonder if we should take him to the dog park next…"

Jark chuckled, but he shouldered on his serious side. "Yeah, maybe… but we should also be thinking about the rest of the plan…"

"Yeah, yeah, I know, but come on! Look at how much fun we're having! Can't we savor this?"

"Sure, but can't you just watch it all on the internet later? All these camera crews everywhere suggest this is going to be trending at some point anyway."

He gestured towards the sky and showed the evil clone a news helicopter flying overhead with a camera aimed at them. Jark waved amiably while Evil Calvin stuck his tongue out at it. This wasn't all that unusual. In the last two days, they'd seen an increasing number of them. There was talk of even the army coming in with their own reserves.

"Yeah, it's cool and all," said Evil Calvin, "but nothing beats the real life experience."

"Whatever floats your boat, but I'd like to get going on the next part of the plan now."

"Oh, very well. If we have to. What's the next part?"

"Open more portals around the world so that more of my kind can attack and then populate the world."

Evil Calvin stared. "You mean, fill the world with even _more _of you monsters? An entire planet full of evil violent treacherous beasts?"

"Ayup."

"… _Awesome_! There's gonna be so much _blood_!"

Jark laughed. "Oh, you're like the son I always hungered for," he said before they set off again. He gave a sharp tug on the leash, and dragged Moe away from the trashcan, a bit of Styrofoam in his mouth.

They stomped through the city until they found another street, this time with more activity. People were running away from the carnage and just barely escaping from the hungry jaws of the many monsters.

One familiar monster was just in the middle of terrorizing a small family when Jark tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around and immediately relaxed his fangs. "Oh, hey, Jark," said Vinnie. "Good hunting?"

"Yeah, pretty good," Jark replied. "But it's about time to implement the next part of the plan."

"Excellent. I'm sure we're all looking forward to…" He trailed off when he saw Moe on his leash. "Keeping pets now, Jark? You know what a responsibility they are."

"Not mine. The kid seems to have taken a loathing to him."

"He'll just stain the carpet."

Moe was too busy cowering under his jingle bells to take much notice of the insults.

"Anyway!" said Vinnie. "When should we start with the new portals?"

"Well, there's no time like the present," said Jark, looking up at Evil Calvin on his head. "You got anything that will help, kid?"

"Oh, probably _something_," said Evil Calvin, pulling the hypercube out of his pocket. "There's gotta be a way to make it…"

That was as far as he got before everyone became aware of a loud sound in the air. It was subtle at first. Everyone else had just dismissed it as a siren or something in the distance. Now, however, it was becoming incredibly clear that it was up in the sky somewhere. They all looked to the horizon, past the buildings above them, and they saw a small dot that was getting bigger and swooping in above the city.

"What the samscratch…?" Vinnie murmured.

"Who's this supposed to be?" Jark demanded.

Evil Calvin rolled his eyes out of recognition. "Aw, geeze," he muttered. "Not _this _guy."

"Which guy?"

The dot soon turned out to be a rocket. It was swooping out over the city with dramatic flair before coming in for a bumpy landing in an empty parking lot. Several unsuspecting monsters were taken off-guard and forced to ditch whatever mayhem they were inflicting to clear a path for it. It skidded across the lot before finally coming to a halt. With smoke billowing from the exhaust, the embarkation ramp slammed down from the cockpit, and out stepped the two figures.

Dr Brainstorm came down the ramp with his Servant Ray already primed, and Jack was also toting a ray gun.

"Greetings, inter-dimensional monsters!" he bellowed. "It's definitely time to wrap this party up and go back to bed!"

Jark blinked. "Again – who is this guy?"

"That's Frank," Evil Calvin scowled, already climbing down to the ground. "I'll handle this."

"_Dr Brainstorm_! And you will not handle _anything_, little boy!" he snapped. "I am here to defeat these evil monsters and send them back to whatever horrible place they came from! And I'm not about to let anyone stop me!"

"What he said," said Jack.

Evil Calvin gave an amused smirk to go along with his disbelievingly quirked eyebrow. "Is that so? That'd be hilarious if it wasn't so pathetic."

Dr Brainstorm leveled his weapon at him. "Is that right?"

"Oh yes. I have all of Calvin's memories, so I know that every time you've gone up against him, you've _failed miserably_. You've never been able to pull it off. Came close once or twice, but seriously?" He leaned in extra close to make his next sentence as cutting as possible. "Calvin kicks your butt every time."

Dr Brainstorm didn't move. He didn't react. He didn't even blink. He didn't need to.

A voice behind Evil Calvin spoke up. "Then it's a good thing you're not really Calvin, isn't it?"

The duplicate turned around and came face-to-face with his not-parents. Mom and Dad were both holding large ray guns, and they were aimed directly at him. Before he could react, a blast of energy hit him, and he went flying backwards through a stab of pain in his abdomen. He went flew a few feet and landed flat on his back.

As he regained his senses, he saw Calvin's parents glaring down at him.

"… Mom…? Dad…?"

But they glared at him. "Like I said," said Dad, "you're _not _our son."

There was a brief moment where Evil Calvin looked pained, but it only lasted two seconds before a sadistic grin split across his face. "I've been wanting to do this for a _long _time." He looked in the direction of Jark, who was still looking bemused by the proceedings. "Get them!"

Jark shrugged, reared up and started to charge at them, baring his teeth and growling fiercely. Mom and Dad, however, were ready for him, and they unleashed the power of their ray guns at him, knocking him to the ground.

Dr Brainstorm watched, impressed. "Wow. It's amazing how quickly they picked that up."

"Not to mention disturbing," Jack muttered. "Anyway, I just heard from our reinforcements. They're on their way here now."

"Very good."

Mom and Dad came running up with their weapons. "So now what do we do?" Mom asked.

"Our mission is simple, madam," Dr Brainstorm replied. "We need to figure out these monsters' weaknesses. There's only one way to do that."

"And that is?"

"We capture one."

* * *

The aliens struggled with the wriggling prisoners. They were taking them to the stasis chamber at the end of the corridor, but they weren't having an easy time of it. They were thrashing around, kicking, yelling… Even the fuzzy ones were causing trouble for them, using their claws and fangs to get free. It was a bit frustrating, not to mention painful.

"Let us go!" Hobbes shouted. "You've got to stop!"

"Kinda can't," Carl muttered, struggling to hold onto him with help from Alfred. "Gotta get you guys into the freezer over here and keep you prisoner."

"Yeah, our leader's orders," agreed Dave. "Rupert's the boss, all right."

"You can't just chuck us in suspended animation and pretend everything's okay!" Andy cried.

"It'll be okay once we're back in the main room playing games again," said Biff. "Plenty to do in there!"

"Yeah, like Chutes and Ladders!" agreed Lenny. "I'm going to figure out what a 'ladder' is one of these days!"

"Just tell us what they plan to do with Calvin, then!" Galaxoid demanded.

A lot of the aliens looked confused by this. "… Who?" Biff asked.

Dave's eyes lit up. "Oh! He means the Earth Potentate!"

"Ohhhhhhh," they all said in perfect unison.

"Sorry, we're not allowed to tell," said Alfred. "You gotta have security clearance for that."

"Yeah, and I can't remember which of us actually _has _security clearance," said Biff.

Socrates cleared his throat. "Sorry, but can you guys say that again for the folks at home?"

Everyone looked at him in confusion.

Somehow, even though he was being restrained by some very strong tentacles, Socrates was still using his free arm to hold out his camera and film what was happening.

"What's that?" asked Lenny.

"It's my camera! I'm using it to record everything!"

The aliens got very excited. "Oh, wow!" said Biff. "Are we on TV right now?"

"Not right this second, but you will be!"

"Oh gosh, this is exciting!" cheered Carl. "I have no idea what to say!"

"Socrates, seriously?!" Sherman cried. "Put that dumb thing away!"

"Patience, gentle Vermin – all part of the plan," he said breezily.

"What plan?" asked Lenny.

"The plan to make you famous stars by telling us what's going to happen to Calvin so you can become famous internet sensations!"

"Whoa…," said Biff, totally amazed. "I've always wanted to be that thing that I've never heard of!"

"Yeah!" said Dave. "It's been my lifelong dream for the last ten seconds!"

"Of course, it has," Socrates smiled, holding up his camera. "Now then – what is the plan Rupert and Retro have for our friend Calvin?"

"Oooooh! Oooooh! I know!" Alfred said eagerly.

"Yes, go on then!"

"… I don't know! What do I win?"

"I see, I see," Socrates said, trying not to look too annoyed. "And why _don't _you know?"

"Oh, um… It's because Rupert doesn't trust us to not screw it up!"

"A fair point… So, what do you think they're going to do?"

They all shrugged. "Heck if we know!" said Lenny.

"Uh-huh… so do you think they're going to _hurt_ Calvin?"

"Hurt him?"

"Inflict some variation of _pain _upon him?"

Lenny looked alarmed. "Would they?"

"Well, they don't _like _Calvin… In fact, I'd go so far as to say that they _hate _him. He keeps screwing up their plans. Keeps ruining everything they do. It wouldn't surprise me if their intention was to hurt him tremendously!"

The aliens were now all looking very worried.

"They… might?" Alfred whimpered.

"Very probably," Socrates said, still aiming the cameras in their faces for dramatic effect. "So it'd be pretty great if you were to _let us go _so we could save him."

They all looked at each other uncertainly. They were right up at the suspended animation chamber. The doors were open. They were all set to put these guys away. But something was nagging at them. The tiger's words were messing with their heads.

"Should we?" asked Lenny. "It's just that… we kinda _have _to do what Rupert says."

"Yeah, he's in charge," said Dave. "We're supposed to follow him everywhere."

"But why?" asked Socrates urgently.

Biff shrugged. "Just… always how it _has_ been."

"Never seen much need to question it," agreed Alfred. "Just the ways of the world."

"But why does it need to be?" demanded Socrates, holding the camera closer to him. "Isn't it about time to have your own ideas and opinions? Instead of letting Rupert and Earl reduce you to a bunch of docile sheep just going where they're told?"

"… What's a sheep?" asked Lenny.

Biff cleared his throat. "We're just doing what we're supposed to do. Rupert and Earl are our friends! They look after us!"

"Yeah, 'look after you'," said Andy. "They've yelled at you, threatened you, put shock collars on you, trapped you in hologrammatic bodies for several hours…"

"Not to mention made you try to _kill _several people," added Sherman.

The aliens were all shifting awkwardly, looking like they were thinking about things they'd rather not be thinking about.

Socrates turned the camera back towards himself. "So, viewers, here's the scoop – the aliens are now faced with a choice! Will they spend the rest of their lives being bossed around by an evil tyrant, never allowing themselves to step up and be the good guys we know they are, or will they step up and be the good guys we know they are, and let us go to save our friend Calvin from the very painful hands of his evil captors?"

He swung the camera back to the aliens.

"What say you, alien crew?"

There was a long pause wherein the alien crew all looked at each other uncertainly. Their captives weren't certain they were genuinely thinking about everything the prank-loving tiger had said, or if they were just thinking about Chutes and Ladders again. It was always hard to tell what was going on behind those large red compound eyes. Still, they seemed to be struggling with something.

Then, rather unceremoniously, they were all dumped inside the stasis chamber, landing in a heap on top of each other.

Hobbes got himself out from under his friends just in time to see the door shut, and the aliens all looking back as Lenny keyed in the necessary code to freeze them.

Socrates was still clutching his camera with a bemused look on his face. He looked over at Nebular, who was awkwardly positioned next to him. "If it's any consolation, it'll make a very gripping video."

That was the last thing any of them said before time stopped, and they proceeded to cease existing.

The aliens stared at their frozen forms in the chamber, all of them looking nervous.

"We… we're doing the right thing… right?" asked Dave.

Biff nodded quickly. "Sure… sure, we are! And now… we can go back to playing games! And then we'll wait and see what Rupert wants us to do next!"

Lenny, still remembering his talk with Earl, cleared his throat. "Yeah, but… what if they actually _do _hurt the Earth Potentate? I mean… it sounds kind of mean…"

Biff shrugged helplessly. "Nothing we can do about it. We're… not supposed to do anything."

"But… the Earth Potentate is nice to us."

Alfred spoke up. "Yeah, and Rupert kind of… is _not_… nice to us."

They all stood there, wringing their tentacles and generally not very sure of what to do – not for the first time, mind you, but this time, it seemed a lot bigger than usual.

* * *

Unknown to them, a security camera was keeping an eye on them, and he was sharing their dilemma. He'd been sitting in this chair for a long time now, and he wasn't ready to move yet. He still wasn't sure where his loyalties should be.

The fact that he actually owed Calvin his life was still weighing heavily on his mind. He didn't know what Rupert and Retro were planning to do to him. He knew torture, but what kind? He needed to know for sure. He tapped some buttons on the keyboard, and the security monitors switched around a few times until he found the room where they were.

He saw Rupert and Retro putting Calvin in a room, and what he was about to see would make his bitter old heart run cold.


	14. Bad Catharsis

"HEY! NO! LET GO OF ME YOU ABSOLUTE HAM SANDWICH!"

"OW!" Retro shrieked, pulling his hand away in pain as Rupert struggled to get a grasp on him.

"Yeah that's right!" Calvin shouted. "You add those teeth marks to the list of stupid aesthetics you have, cone boy!"

Retro rubbed his fingers and glared at Calvin as he and Rupert carried him into a small cubical room made of steel with a strapped chair in sitting in the middle. "I'm going to enjoy this so much..." He growled.

"I'm shaking, Retro!" Calvin yelled back. "When you don't look like you're about to ask me what flavor of ice cream I want, then try the intimidation route, Ronald McDonald!"

"Shut up!" Rupert screamed, tossing Calvin into the chair and locking the straps over his first wrist.

"Oh, Joseph Merrick's sticking up for Baskin Robbins now, huh?" Calvin snapped back. "How many burnt toaster crumbs are you getting for all this, you discount xenomorph?"

"Strap his legs in!" Rupert shouted, trying to pin down Calvin's right arm, as it flailed wildly.

Retro took a step forward.

_THUD_

"OW! You son of a…"

Retro bit his lip as he held his face in pain, it having just came into forceful contact with Calvin's right foot.

"Oh I'm sorry, was I in your personal space?!" Calvin growled. "Must be terrible! Wouldn't know what it's like!"

And with that, Calvin slugged Rupert in the face, throwing him backwards slightly.

"ACK!" Rupert grunted, holding his cheek and staring at Calvin incredulously. "How do you punch that hard for a seven year old?!"

"To be fair I'm technically forty," Calvin said, his voice suddenly becoming calm.

That brought the two villains up short.

"… What?" Retro asked.

Rupert sighed. "Floating timeline. Come on – don't lose focus."

With renewed spirit, the two bad guys forced the boy into their torture chamber. He continued to kick and struggle, but Rupert's tentacles were too strong for him, and he set to work setting him down on a long flat table. Working very hard, Retro scrambled around the table and set to work holding down Calvin's flailing arms, trapping him properly. Once his legs were similarly restrained, the two slumped down on the floor, thoroughly exhausted.

"When I'm ruler of the galaxy again, I have _got _to get back in shape," Rupert gasped.

Calvin squirmed under his restraints, but he couldn't get free. He was well and truly stuck. "Okay, you have me," he snarled. "Now what the heck do you plan to do to me?"

"Well, I believe we mentioned 'torture' earlier," Retro said as he straightened his clothes. "If you hadn't wasted so much time thrashing and trying to escape, you might've noticed that."

"Well, pardon _me_."

Rupert chuckled tiredly. "Oh, we've been waiting a long time for this, you little rat," he snarled. "Now, we can finally not just stop you, but we shall _hurt _you. Show you pain and suffering you've never experienced before."

Calvin snorted. "I've been camping with my parents too many times to count. Bring it on."

"Famous last words," Retro smiled serenely. "Now then – let's get you all set up. You've got a long night ahead of you."

Calvin watched as the madman pulled out a helmet – looked more like a colander – that had some electrodes attached to it. The helmet was strapped onto his head, and the electrodes were gently pressed onto his forehead.

"Right then," Retro said, setting everything up. "I won't bore you with the details – that's a whole different kind of torture – so I'll simplify. This device has connected to your frontal lobes and hypothalamus to create some very unpleasant illusions that will disorient and possibly mentally scar you for life."

"Such as what, pray tell?"

"Oh, who knows? It'll pick things out of your subconscious and make them appear solid. You'll have to live them out." His grin turned into a sickly smile. "By the time we're finished with you, you'll be _begging _us to kill you."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "Somehow, I'm not all that impressed."

Retro shrugged. "Suit yourself. Let's see what we can come up with, shall we?" He reached over and pressed a button on the control panel, and then he pulled up a chair with which he could watch the events play out.

Rupert slithered up alongside, sitting on the floor. "Oh, this is going to be delicious," he said with a distinct giddiness in his voice.

Calvin felt the electrodes getting warm, but he wasn't aware of anything else out of the ordinary. His eyes darted from left to right, trying to see what would come at him, but nothing came.

Then, something entered his line of vision. His eyes widened as along the floor, seemingly from nowhere, came a humongous creature with slimy green skin and four eyes, hissing with every breath, and raising enormous sharp claws over his head. He tried to wrench himself free, but he couldn't get any movement going whatsoever.

The creature raised its claws, and then it took a swipe at Calvin's chest, clearly intending to slice a great big gash in his chest.

But nothing happened. The creature's claws simply passed through him like an intangible ghost. He felt a brief wind from the force, but other than that, nothing happened. When he opened his eyes, not a thread on his shirt was out of place. The monster stood over him for a moment, but nothing more happened, and it faded away.

"… Was that _it_?!" he cried. "I didn't feel anything!"

Rupert glanced over at Retro. "You said he would feel something," he said agitatedly.

Retro looked a bit shifty. "Well… give it a chance to get warmed up. Maybe the first one is the easiest."

"Maybe? You built that darn thing yourself!"

"I didn't get a lot of opportunities to test it!"

Calvin glanced over and saw a man wearing a hockey mask and carrying a machete. He let out a cry as the man tried to hack away at him, but much like the monster's claws, the knife just passed through him over and over, completely painless, and the man faded away into nothing.

"Gotta say, boys," he said in a bored voice. "I'm not doing a lot of begging to be killed right now."

"Oh, come _on_!" Rupert complained, jumping up. "Can no one around here do _anything_ right!"

"No, this'll work," Retro hissed desperately. "It _will _work. It _has _to work!"

"Uh-huh," Calvin sighed. "Look, you want to just turn this off and work on it a little? I'm sure there's something you can do. How about turning it off and on again?"

"Shut up! Maybe I just need to increase the power…"

Retro got up and turned a dial on the main computer.

A moment later, a fire-breathing dragon materialized in front of Calvin, and it glared at him with its reptilian eyes. Twin puffs of smoke emitted from its nostrils before it took a deep breath and exhaled a column of flame all over him.

Calvin laid there, not feeling the heat even a little. Heck, the brightness of the flame didn't even bother his eyes. He just laid there and waited for it to finish.

When it had, the dragon dissipated just like the other illusions, and he was alone in the room with Retro and Rupert once more.

"Still not impressed, boys," he said sweetly.

"All right, enough!" Rupert shouted. "I want that machine to torture him, and I want it to torture him _now_!"

"I'm doing my best!" Retro snapped back. "It's all this alien technology! Completely unreliable!"

"Don't blame _me _for _your _mistakes, human! I will _not _be made a fool of!"

Calvin watched them bicker for a few seconds before realizing they weren't watching him. Acting quickly, he began to test the strength of all his restraints for any weaknesses. He quickly determined that the screws holding in the clamp over his left arm were wiggling a little as he pulled. Acting quickly, he wrenched at it a few times, and to his surprise, it popped out of its rigging, and the clamp flew across the room. Relieved, he quickly unclamped his remaining arm, and then his legs.

"Hey! No! Stop!" Retro yelled, diving past Rupert to grab him.

But Calvin removed the final clamp just in time and dove off the table just as Retro went crashing into it. The table fell over, and he hit the floor.

"Why you little…!" Rupert shouted, but that was as far as he got before he tripped over the fallen table and landed on top of Retro.

"Get off of me, you fool! He's getting away!"

"Don't tell _me _what to do, you simpleton!"

Smirking at the bickering baddies, Calvin slipped out the door, slammed his fist into the necessary button, and it slammed shut and locked behind him.

"May my enemies never be cleverer than me," he chuckled. "Next order of business – find Hobbes!"

He turned and ran up the corridor, trying to find the suspended animation room.

As he ran, however, Rupert's voice rang out over the intercom. "_Attention – Earth Potentate has escaped captivity! Prepare ship-wide traps! Recapture him!_"

Calvin tried to ignore it, but he was consumed. "Ship-wide traps? That's a new one! Is there a giant mousetrap around here?"

The answer to his question came as he ran down a corridor and noticed a red light on the wall suddenly illuminate, and to his surprise, the floor suddenly collapsed into nothing beneath his feet. With a holler of horror, he ran along the fall pieces and made a mad dive for the other side, just barely managing to wrap his fingers around the edge of the floor. Peering down the several feet towards the floor below him, he decided he was most interested in stay on his current level and heaved himself up onto the solid floor again.

"Okay…," he muttered. "Wonder how long he's had that _that _one…"

Then, there was a beeping sound coming from an adjoining corridor, and he peered around the corner. It was an airlock. It was decompressing. Steam hissed from around the doors, and he realized with mounting fear that they were about to open, and he could guess what the idea was behind them.

Barely able to let out a yell, he found an exposed pipe in the wall, and he reached up and grabbed it just in time. The airlock door opened, and all the air began to be sucked out, trying to take him with it.

"Oh, _come on_!" he shouted. "Of all the times for you guys to think of something competent!"

He stayed there for a few moments, but then a section of metal came loose off a nearby wall panel, and it hurtled itself down the length of the corridor, straight under Calvin, and it flattened itself against the open airlock, more or less plugging the open door. From the way it was bending, however, he knew it wouldn't be long before it became a problem again. He dropped from the pipe and ran across to the nearest panel and pressed a button, causing the corridor to be sealed off.

Safe for now, he leaned against it in relief. "Man… this is exhausting. What other traps could there be?"

Then, he heard a hissing sound, and he thought for a moment that the air was hissing through the door. As he was taking a couple steps away from it, however, he realized it wasn't coming from behind the door, but rather, from up the corridor he'd just come down. He peered around the corner for the source, and almost immediately wished that he hadn't.

There was a slithering squirming pack of snakes racing up the corridor towards him. Several different colors and patterns, many different sizes, all hissing, and all angry. Some of them bared their sharp fangs and took lunges at him.

Calvin squeaked in terror and ran up the corridor. He thought maybe he could outrun them, but the snakes were managing to catch up with him. Some of them took even bigger lunges at him, just barely missing, but a couple managed to nibble on the heels of his sneakers.

"Not good, not good," he groaned. "Gotta find a door, gotta find a door…"

Finally, he saw the necessary hatchway coming up. He veered off to the side, just barely connecting his hand with the door control. He slapped it and promptly dove under the shutting door, and he listened to the satisfying sound of several snakes colliding with the thick metal surface.

"Phew!" he gasped. "Man… I'm officially _done _with this place! Where the heck is…?"

Then, he spotted a sign on the corridor junction ahead of him, and he smiled.

_SUSPENDED ANIMATION CHAMBERS_

Relieved, he got to his feet and ran down the corridor and found himself face to face with the aforementioned chamber. He grinned up at it, and after rubbing the glass with his hand, he saw his friends frozen inside.

"Bingo!" he said triumphantly. "Hang in there, guys. Just gotta find the release mechanism."

He found a control panel on the wall and set to work going over buttons. There had to be one that could help him somewhere. His eyes scanned all over it, and he grinned when he saw the big red one that said _Open/Close _printed on it.

"These guys never disappoint," he sighed, reaching for it.

But then, something happened, and he couldn't press it.

Something wrapped around his ankles, and he found himself yanked down onto the ground. "Hey!" he shouted. "What gives?! Who's…?"

But when he looked back at his would-be attacker, he found there was no one there. At least, there didn't seem to be, but in the corner of his eye, he thought he saw someone. Not the ugly legs of the Entity, but something _humanoid_. Whoever it was, they were frequently out of his line of vision, hidden in the shadows no matter which way he looked.

He attempted to wrench himself free, but this creature was stronger than he was. He tried to grab onto something, but the floor was too smooth. He looked up at the frozen expressions of his friends, but they were quickly disappearing into the distance as he was taken away from them.

"No! Stop!" he shouted. "Whoever you are, let me go! I need to rescue my friends! Get _off_!"

Seemingly in response, the attacker yanked him up into the air by his sneakers and threw him through the air. He cried out in surprise and hit the metal floor with a crash. The pain was almost crippling as it coursed through his now-injured shoulder and looked around. He couldn't see anyone, but he could swear he heard footsteps echoing somewhere. But where…?

He struggled to his feet and tried to move back down the corridor, but the ceiling above him suddenly erupted in sparks and flame. Loose wires swung down and spat more sparks, like streamers. They seemed to be chasing him around no matter which way he went.

Then, the hissing started again, and through the thickening smoke, he realized the snakes were coming towards him again, spitting venom as they did so down their forked tongues.

Calvin backed away, but they seemed to be coming from everywhere now. The smoke was getting worse, and he could see without his eyes watering, so he tried to get down below it, but that just brought him closer to the snakes.

There was no way out. No possible escape routes. He realized he was probably going to die right here, right now.

And there was no one to save him.

* * *

Retro and Rupert stood over Calvin watching his body twitch and spasm while sweat poured from his forehead and tears streamed down his face. The electrodes were still attached to his forehead. The clamps weren't lose in the slightest. He was still stuck to the table.

"Absolutely marvelous," Rupert grinned. "I've always wanted to see him squirm like that."

"Agreed," said Retro. "And this is only the first level. Maybe we should crank it up a notch."

He turned a dial on the machine, and they took great pleasure in Calvin screaming in agony.

"I wonder where Earl got off to," Rupert murmured. "He's missing all the fun!"

* * *

Earl, however, was _not _missing all the fun.

The Captain of the Ship was sitting in the same chair he'd been in since his near-death experience, and he'd been keeping an eye on things. He had been all in favor of just killing the boy, but watching what was happening via the security cameras was showing him something he wasn't ready for – just how mad Rupert had become.

Several times, he'd tried to just switch it off and leave the room. Go yell at the crew, make repairs, computer checks, get lunch, _something_ to distract him from the horrific scene on the monitor. It had been so long since he'd felt anything resembling compassion. He still wasn't sure if that's what he was feeling now. He still felt hatred for Calvin. After all, he'd been put through just as much torment as any of his other enemies. It was down to him that Rupert had lost his mind in the first place.

But then again, he knew that Rupert probably would've gone down this road at some point anyway. As much as he wanted to pretend it could've been avoided, he was forced to admit that the mental state of someone out to control an entire universe was probably dubious even on a good day. If it hadn't been Calvin sending him down this self-destructive path, it would've been someone or something else.

Taking a deep breath, he knew what he had to do. He didn't like it, but it was the right thing to do, and not only that, it _felt _right. He picked up a communicator and adjusted the frequency so that Rupert wouldn't hear what he had to say.

"Attention, crew," he said. "Please report to Security Chamber Twelve."

He sat and waited for a while, preparing himself. This would not be easy, but he knew it was necessary. He only hoped he could keep the crew in line while it went on. Preferably, with as little shouting and violence as possible.

At last, the crew filed into the security chamber, Lenny at the front. "You wanted to see us, boss?"

"I did, indeed," Earl said calmly. "I'm sorry to have to do this, but… there's something you should see."

He slithered off to the side, meaning the security monitor was now in full view of the crew.

They all leaned in close to look, and to their shock, they saw Calvin writhing in pain, and Rupert and Retro clearly enjoying that it was happening.

"Wha… What are they doing?" cried Biff.

"They're torturing the Earth Potentate," Earl explained, still calm.

"But… they're hurting him!" said Alfred.

"Yes, that's what it means to torture someone."

"But that's… that's insane!" objected Dave. "Why are they even doing this?!"

Earl closed his eyes distastefully before answering. "For fun."

The crew went deathly silent, the horror written on their faces.

"I know," he continued. "I don't like it, either. This is the sort of leader Rupert is, boys. This is what he wants to do. All because he wouldn't give Rupert his planet. I confess – I haven't been much better, but I think I've found my limit today. This needs to stop right now, but I can't do it without your help."

Lenny looked surprised. "You… need _our _help?"

"Of course, I do. Are you with me?"

The crew stared at him. "You've… never asked us if we agree with you before," said Biff quietly.

Earl nodded in agreement. This was new ground for him, too. But it had to be done. "Are you with me?" he repeated.

There was a long silence as the aliens looked at each other. Then, they all began to smile.

"What are our orders, Captain?" Lenny asked, saluting.


	15. Strategic Weakness

Vinnie was trying his best to keep enjoying his tormenting of various humans that were running in blind terror from him, but this Brainstorm guy had shown up and put the kibosh on that. With him, his robot, and a few other humans providing cover, a lot of his prey were making an easy escape into various buildings. It was a frustrating thing if you were a slim monster like him who lacked in muscle mass. He typically relied on his sly cunning to catch food, so this was doing him no favors whatsoever. He had to do something quick.

Jark was doing his best to lead the stronger monsters in an attack, but Brainstorm was holding them at bay with his lasers. They weren't really hurting the monsters, but they were powerful enough to force them back. Some of his fellow creatures were losing energy and falling down, completely winded. They kept calling for more monsters, but these puny humans were remarkably determined. It was so disheartening to see how much of a challenge five humans of varying ages and a robot could present to them.

Growing desperate, Vinnie started looking around for some kind of escape. He wasn't about to go hurling himself into danger. He needed to lay low until things cooled off, and that didn't look to be happening anytime soon, so putting some distance between himself and these guys seemed a sound idea. He'd find some part of town where there were still lots of people, and he'd finally be able to enjoy the chaos and maybe find some kids to eat up.

He was just sneaking off down the street under the cover of chaos when he heard a mechanical click, and he turned to look. Standing there was another robot – somehow more 'feminine' than the first one – who was smiling politely as she leveled a heavy-duty laser gun at him on her wrist. "Hello, there!" she said cheerfully. "Up to some sort of mischief, are you?"

Vinnie sneered. "You sure you know how to use that, lady?"

"Jacqueline, thank you," the robot replied. "Let's find out."

The weapon gave a brief whine like a jet engine, and then a powerful orange blast of electricity blasted across the six foot distance between them and sent Vinnie flying down the sidewalk until his skull collided with a streetlight, and he collapsed to the ground in a crumple heap. Rubbing his sore head, he staggered back up again.

"Okay…," he said calmly. "Let's not get carried away here. You just go your way, and I'll…"

"Go _my _way," said a shrill voice.

Vinnie barely had time to look before a thin woman about his height pressed a button on her wristwatch that sent a giant boxing glove on an extending pole right into his face, and he was sent flying into a parked car. He rubbed his sore nose and moaned softly as he slid down to the pavement, once again in a heap.

"Ow… What the heck…?"

The woman stood over him, now joined by the female robot. "All right, you," she snarled. "Are you going to come quietly, or aren't you?"

Vinnie blinked from behind his bruises. "And you are…?"

"Sheila Brainstorm – sister of that idiot over there. You're coming with us."

The monster scoffed, despite his pain. "Oh, I think _not_," he sneered, trying to get back up. "I've an appointment to keep."

He was just about up when he felt something on the back of his head, and it dug in deep into his still-aching skull. "So sorry, young man," said an older male voice. "But I'm afraid you're far too occupied for any other engagements."

Vinnie couldn't turn to look, but he caught a glimpse in the dented car's side-mirrors and spotted the weapon was being held by a green-haired guy with a wrinkled-but-kindly face.

"Thanks, Dad, but I _got _this!" Sheila complained.

"I'm sure you do, sweetie," Mr. Brainstorm said gently. "I just wanted to have some of him, too."

"Oh great," Vinnie grumbled. "A great big insane person family reunion."

"We're back up," said Jacqueline cheerfully. "Frank called and said he needed some assistance."

Sheila snorted. "The moron can't do anything without us."

"I prefer to think he just likes to spend time with us," Mr. Brainstorm said brightly.

"Touching," Vinnie grumbled. "Now if you'll excuse me…"

He suddenly leapt like a frog into the air, doing a backflip over Mr. Brainstorm's head before landing neatly on his feet behind him and grabbing him around the neck. Sheila and Jacqueline immediately had their weapons trained on him, ready to shoot if he tried anything.

"Now, now, girls," Vinnie hissed. "Wouldn't want daddy here to come to any harm, would you?"

"Get your stupid scaly fingers off of him!" Sheila snapped.

"Why don't you _make _me?"

"Fine! I will!" She looked off in some other direction. "Mom! Some big dumb monster is threatening Dad!"

Vinnie snorted. "That's right. Call for your mommy. I'll take her down, too. Then your whole stinking rotten _family _can go out together!"

Jacqueline tutted. "So naïve," she sighed. "You have no idea what's coming."

Before he could question her, he felt something wrap around his windpipe, causing him to immediately lose his grip on Mr. Brainstorm, and he was thrown to the ground by something very strong and powerful. He hit the pavement so hard he was surprised it didn't crack on impact. He was just trying to get up when he realized how dark it had suddenly gotten. Was there a freak eclipse going on? No, he saw that it was just him in shadow, caused by something looming over him.

The something was big and round, almost perfectly spherical. At second glance, he could see two hands resting on two enormous hips. He realized that it wasn't a some_thing_, it was a some_one_. He slowly looked up at the enormous woman standing before him, glaring down with the most furious expression he'd ever seen.

Mr. Brainstorm appeared beside her, just barely a few inches taller than her. Vinnie was shocked. He'd thought she was a giant.

"Have you met the wife?" he asked cheerfully. He leaned over and kissed her on the cheek. "Keep him alive, dear. We're going to need him later."

"I'll certainly try," Mrs. Brainstorm replied as she cracked her considerable knuckles.

Vinnie felt a sinking feeling in his chest as she came closer. He frantically tried to scramble away, but she didn't even break a sweat as she stepped on his delicate ankle with her steel-toed boot.

"Pardon me if I'm a bit sluggish today," she said in a cool voice. "I was just finishing lunch when Franklin called, and boy, am I full. Still, never mind. I could use a bit of light activity…"

Vinnie gulped.

* * *

Hobbes was taken by surprise as the world around him flashed momentarily, and then whatever was holding him up disappeared, and he felt the full force of gravity under his chest as he went tumbling face-first into the cold metal floor of the spaceship. He moaned softly before attempting to get up, but he was interrupted by the avalanche of friends that came tumbling down after him. All five of them. It took him a few seconds to climb out from under Galaxoid's short tentacles, but when he did, he almost went back underneath.

Standing before him and his friend pile were the alien crew, all looking down at them with curious expressions. He felt a great big gob of dread set up camp in his stomach as he tried not to assume the worst was about to happen – or had _already _happened.

"So…," he said cautiously. "How long as it been? Days? Weeks? Months?"

Lenny checked his watch. "It's been fifteen minutes."

"… It has?"

"… Well, fourteen and a half."

Andy managed to haul himself upright, making sure that Sherman hadn't been crushed before speaking. "We were only in there for… That was it?"

"Yeah, not to complain," said Nebular as he got free, "but weren't you guys supposed to be torturing the Earth Potentate or something?"

Carl slithered forward. "Yeah, about that," he said sheepishly. "We've decided that we don't like what Rupert and the other guy are doing to him."

Hobbes looked unconvinced. "Oh, really?"

Socrates, however, looked triumphant. "Ah-ha! I _knew _I got through to you guys!"

The aliens, surprisingly, ignored him. "He's in the torture chamber right now," said Biff. "And they're being really mean to him. So we got you guys out so you can rescue him."

"What are they doing to him?" Hobbes demanded.

"We're not sure how it works," said Lenny. "We think the other guy made the machine, but whatever it is, it's screwing around with his brain and making him hurt."

The look in the tiger's eye was growing increasingly fierce, so the aliens thought it best to back away from him. Heck, even his friends were backing away as they saw his claws extend and listened to a low growl emitting from the back of his throat.

"Take me to him," he hissed.

The aliens nodded, and they quickly led the group to where they needed to go.

* * *

Vinnie was thrown into a chair, limp and out of breath, not to mention in pain. His limbs went limp and his head lolled back, dazed.

Everyone stood over him, waiting to see if he did anything.

Finally, he rolled his eyes in their direction and managed to look almost defiant as he said, "… Is that all ya got…?"

Mrs. Brainstorm scowled. "If someone hadn't interrupted my lunch, I'd be much better equipped to deal with him," she said, giving her son an annoyed look.

Dr Brainstorm shook his head. "Yes, thank you, Mother," he sighed. "Please rejoin the others in the battle, will you please? The rest of us are going to get some answers out of this guy."

"Fine. But you're buying me dinner as compensation." She grabbed a heavy-duty laser cannon, perched it on her shoulder, and shoved her way out the hatchway, causing the whole rocket to shudder as she did.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack regarded the barely-conscious Vinnie, who was looking at them patiently.

Calvin's parents, Susie and Rosalyn were in the rocket as well, having grown tired from the battle. They observed the stare-off curiously.

"So…," Dad said at last. "What's the plan?"

"Oh, we've got plans," said Dr Brainstorm calmly. "Jack? Light."

Jack held up his left arm, and his hand transformed into a powerful light that was shine right into the monster's eyes. He winced and shielded himself, which clearly took a lot of energy in his present state because he soon let his hand drop indifferently.

"What do you want with me?" he grunted.

"We've got some questions for you, mister," Dr Brainstorm said, leaning in close. "We'll start with the big one first. How do we send you and the rest of our kind back to your own dimension?"

Vinnie sneered. "Bite me, hair boy. I ain't talking."

Dr Brainstorm glared, then ran his hand through his crazy red hair semi-self-consciously.

Jack rolled his eyes and leaned in as well. "Look, bub, we don't have all day, okay? We have other things to do. So how's about you 'fess up and tell us where you hid the key to your world, and we'll make sure the door doesn't hit you too hard on the way out. Savvy?"

Vinnie crossed his arms like a petulant child. "I'd like see you try something," he snapped. "Wonder why that lady couldn't break me? Because we monsters _thrive _on pain. We can get through anything. Gunshot wound, broken spine, paper cut – child's play. That's why you'll never be able to beat us."

Dr Brainstorm and Jack glanced at each other. At his master's cue, Jack's light shut off and switched back to his normal hand as they walked back over to the rest of the group, pulling them into a huddle.

"Okay…," he said slowly. "I was only prepared for violence, so that's all my plans shot. Anyone else got something?"

"That's seriously all you planned for?" Mom demanded.

"Well, what else were we supposed to do against a bunch of evil monsters?!"

"He has a point…," Dad conceded.

Susie glanced across at the monster. He was steadily getting his strength back, sitting up a little straighter. It seemed his act of defiance was giving him the will to heal. She thought long and hard about what he had said. As many of you well know, she's a very bright kid with a passion for learning, and she had listened very carefully to everything that had been said. It made her curious. Maybe there was another way.

"Can we tie him up?" she asked.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack looked down at her in surprise.

"Er… I suppose we should…," Jack said slowly. "Probably ought to prevent him from pressing any buttons once he has the strength to."

"Yeah, sure, but I had something else in mind."

Deciding they didn't have much else to lose at this point, Dr Brainstorm and Jack took some thick rope from the storage closet and proceeded to tie Vinnie to the chair _very _tightly.

The monster regarded them with a degree of amusement. "What, you think you can squeeze me to death? That's a normal Saturday night for me."

They said nothing, simply finishing the job from his arms to his legs, and then standing aside.

Vinnie looked confused, but he was downright stupefied when he looked down and saw Susie was walking towards him. She looked up at him with those big curious eyes, so chockfull of innocence and wonder, but that just made him edgy. There was something behind those eyes that suggested something far more sinister was lurking within her mind.

"… What're _you _looking at?" he scowled, hoping to mask his concern.

Susie broke out into a grin. "You're cute."

"… What?"

"You're cute, and I bet you're super-cuddly, too."

Vinnie's eyes widened. "What? No! Not cuddly! Evil! Dangerous! I'm… I'm a monster!"

"No, you're not!" Susie said in a faux-pleasant voice. "You're absolutely adorable! C'mere! Let me hug you!"

"No! Stop! Don't you dare! Get away!"

But it was no good. In his current state, Vinnie couldn't escape from the little girl's grasp. She climbed up his long body and made it to his torso, and she wrapped her arms around him, rubbing her cheek up against him. "Who's a cute little boy?" she said sweetly.

"Get her off! Get her off!" Vinnie shouted.

The adults were standing off to the side, observing all this in stupefied silence.

"Is… is this seriously working?" Rosalyn asked.

"Seems to be," Jack replied, scratching his metal head in confusion. "Monsters born and bred under a small boy's bed – I suppose there's _some _degree of logic to it…"

"Oh, we gave up on logic a _long _time ago," said Mom tiredly.

"Get her off! Make it stop!" Vinnie wailed.

But Susie was relentless. "I just wanna give you a great big kiss!"

Vinnie screamed. "I'll talk! I'll talk! I'll say anything! Just get her off of me!"

* * *

Retro got up and stretched his muscles. He'd been sitting a solid twenty minutes now. Calvin's torture session had gone on for so long that the boy had stopped screaming a while ago and was now looking straight up at the ceiling with an almost-frozen look of terror on his face, broken only by the odd blink, twitch or gasp. They'd allowed the nightmare scenario to go on for so long that the boy was practically catatonic.

He looked deep into Calvin's blank eyes, saw the fear in them, and smiled to himself. "Beautiful…," he murmured.

Rupert slithered up alongside him. "Oh, yes…," he practically purred. "That's _exactly _what I wanted to see… Utterly broken. No saving that one."

"And it's only the beginning," Retro smiled. "So much more to do. We could keep watching him for hours."

Rupert nodded, but his expression turned sad. "Of course, at some point, he _will _have to die. I mean, we want the satisfaction of watching the life fade from his body, and as fun as this is, it can't be accomplished this way."

"I suppose…," Retro murmured, pretending he was turning towards some equipment attached to the machine. Really, though, he was heading for something else, hidden under a sheet.

"I guess it's just a question of how…," Rupert continued. "I mean, I've dreamt of this moment for so long… I hope I haven't built it all up in my head. I know I'll enjoy it, but I don't want it to be underwhelming."

"Indeed," Retro agreed, lifting the sheet up and checking on it.

It was the Imaginator. He had stashed it here not long before they began.

He'd had his fun – made the boy suffer – but now it was time to get down to brass tax. He'd gone along with this charade long enough. The time had come to finally put everything right. It was time to un-imagine Rupert, Earl, the aliens, all the weirdness he'd seen, and most of all, that blasted _tiger_. There was no way any of this was real. It just couldn't be. Calvin's first use of the Imaginator had left some sort of imprint on the world, making his wildest fantasies come to life. Made him a hero. Made him a better person. Made him the person he'd always wanted to be, with the life and friends he'd always desired.

So it was only natural that Retro delete all of it. The perfect revenge. Sure, it was a shame to delete Rupert, but he didn't see much point in mourning someone who was never alive.

He set the dials and primed the power source. He was going to hit the biggest undo button of all time.

Rupert was too busy waxing eloquent to pay attention to the betrayal going on ten feet behind him. "I wonder if Earl still has my camera…," he was saying.

Suddenly, the door hissed open, and both villains looked up in surprise.

Hobbes was there, surrounded by the rest of his group, and it only took him three seconds to see Calvin, how much pain he was in, and to decide what he needed to do about it. He let out a feral roar and pounced Rupert to the floor, knocking him away from his friend on the table and growling at him, going to the trouble of biting his gross alien skin.

"Get him off! Stop! Nobody bites the King of Zok – _OWWW!_"

Retro was still crouching by the still-unseen Imaginator, debating whether or not he should actually get up and help the creature he was utterly convinced was not real from the other creature he was equally convinced was not real. It was an absolute pickle.

Taking advantage of his hesitation, Socrates pulled a similar pounce and knocked the man to the ground, pinning his arms and forcing him down. "All right, you!" he snapped. "Talk! What the heck is going on here?! What are you doing to him?!"

Retro struggled to get free, refusing to say a word.

Andy, Sherman, Galaxoid and Nebular looked frantically around the machines.

"Oh, no…," Galaxoid murmured. "Oh, no, no, no…"

"What? What's 'oh no'?" Andy asked with mounting dread.

"They've created a torture simulator," said Nebular, looking at the monitors with horror. "This is what's being fed into Calvin's brain right now."

Andy and Sherman looked at the monitors and saw some much more than they ever cared to see. Fire. Explosions. Snakes. Spiders. Dragons. Knives. Fear. Loss. Resignation.

"How do we get him out?!" Andy demanded.

A flash of metal whizzed past him, and he realized it was the MTM's robotic arm reaching out of his pocket and pulling itself up onto the main computer terminal. The CD player then extended both arms and began working at the controls.

"Let me at 'em!" he shouted, for once sounding angry. "We gotta disengage this whole thing carefully. The shock could kill him if we remove him too quickly."

Sherman scrambled out of Andy's other pocket and set to work as well, quickly analyzing and learning just from looking at them how to shut down the machine safely.

While that was going on, Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular ran over to Calvin's table and began to remove the restraints that held him down, but their friend was oblivious to his surroundings. His head lolled back and forth as they tried to move him.

"Calvin?" Andy shouted. "Calvin, wake up! It's us! Can you hear us? We're here to rescue you! Wake up!"

It was no good. The lights were on, but no one was home. Calvin was empty.

There was a shower of sparks from above them, and they looked up to see Sherman and MTM were both holding fistfuls of wires triumphantly. The machine began to shut down, with all the monitors going blank.

Retro continued to squirm under the grip of Socrates. "Get off! We're not going to let you ruin this!"

Socrates responded by punching the guy right in the jaw.

Hobbes looked up from the chokehold he had Rupert in to shout at the others. "Get him out of here!" he ordered. "I'll handle Rupert!"

Nodding in agreement, everyone got to work. Sherman and the MTM returned to Andy's pockets, and Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular scooped up the semi-conscious Calvin and carried him out of the room, despite the howls from the villains.

"Get off me!" Retro demanded. "I won't let a bunch of imagined creatures like _you _destroy me! I can't be destroyed by something that's not _real_!"

Socrates tutted. "Boy, the cheese has really slid off _your _cracker…"

But Retro was too far gone to respond to the tiger's quips. His eyes darted in every direction until he finally spotted the Imaginator still close by. Kicking the necessary button with his foot, he set off a brief blast of laser that fired just above Socrates' head. The tiger let out a yelp and ducked, but that was just enough for Retro to get free. He got to his feet, grabbed the Imaginator and ran for his life.

Deciding it wasn't worth chasing him, he looked over at Hobbes, who was still beating the tar out of Rupert, who was just blabbering incoherently between each punch. He grabbed his friend by the scruff of the neck, like you would with any cat that needed to calm the heck down.

"Hobbes! Hobbo!" he shouted, trying to get through to his friend. "We need to go!"

But Hobbes seemed oblivious. He was still trying to figure out where Rupert's neck was so he could throttle it.

"Hobbes!" Socrates shouted urgently. "Calvin needs you right now! Come _on_!"

Those were the magic words. They penetrated Hobbes' subconscious, and his fury faded just enough that he could think clearly again. Realizing that Rupert wasn't about to be following them anytime soon, he took a deep breath, cleared his mind, and allowed Socrates forcibly drag him out of the room.

Rupert lay there in utter agony for about ten seconds before he started to try getting up again. His head was swimming from both pain and anger. They'd ruined it. They'd swooped in and ruined it.

He looked up towards the door, and he saw Earl standing there with a blank expression.

"… Did I miss something?" he asked.

Rupert hissed at him. "They will not leave this ship alive."


	16. Crossroads

The door to Dr Brainstorm's rocket burst open, and in ran Jacqueline, who was smoldering slightly from a fight with a fire-breathing demon monster, but other than that was still holding up fairly well. "Okay, we've managed to hold them off for a while," she announced, "but it's not going to last forever. If you guys can come up with a plan to stop them soon, that'd… be… great…?"

She trailed off as she absorbed the scenario she'd just walked in on.

Vinnie was still strapped down, but now there was a wooden table in front of him, and Dr Brainstorm, Jack, Calvin's parents and Rosalyn were all seated around him, and Susie was carrying a small plastic teapot, pouring imaginary tea into six plastic cups. What was especially interesting was that Vinnie was also wearing a dress, lipstick and a wig.

Everyone stared at her, and she stared right back at them.

Vinnie managed to his out a couple words. "_Kill_… _me_…"

Jacqueline cautiously approached. "… How's the interrogation going, guys?" she asked.

"Good so far," said Jack. "Susie here was just going to get the final bit of info."

"Sure was," said Susie. "Now come on, Mr. Monster. What do we need to do to send the rest of you back where you came from?"

Vinnie bit his lip and did his best not to talk. The sweat was pouring down his skin.

Susie responded by pulling out her stuffed rabbit. "Don't make me force you to snuggle Mr. Bun again!"

Vinnie let out a cry before he finally talked. "Okay, okay! It's a sphere Jark has! It can stabilize our DNA so we can live in this world! You need the kid's DNA in order to switch it back! Now get that comatose creature away from me!"

Susie smiled and hugged her rabbit. "Good job, Mr. Bun! I always knew you were tough!"

"Glad we got _that _over with," Rosalyn sighed. "Now what do we do?"

"We get to work on finding the aforementioned sphere to send all these stupid beasts back where they came from," Dr Brainstorm declared, getting up from his chair.

Jacqueline had questions, though. "But Frank…"

"_Dr Brainstorm_!"

"… Where did you get the dress?"

"It belonged to the robot," Vinnie hissed.

Everyone looked at Jack, who just shrugged, not even a little bit embarrassed. "What? It's part of my Eddie Izzard impression! Who doesn't love Eddie Izzard?"

"So how do we get this sphere thing?" Mom asked.

"He said the leader of their monsters had it," said Dr Brainstorm, already grabbing his Servant Ray. "We find him, take the sphere, and then use it to destabilize their DNA."

"But didn't he say we need Calvin's DNA as well?" asked Dad.

"Indeed."

"But… Calvin's missing. He's been replaced by that duplicate."

"I know. So we'll have to hope that either the duplicate will be enough, or that the real Calvin will show up, and since the clone is a bit closer than the real one, we'll try that first. Okay?"

Calvin's parents nodded, albeit uncertainly.

"Excellent! Come, team! Let's find that Jark fellow and give him what for! Jack?"

"All weapons are ready for usage," the robot replied, holding up a ray gun of his own.

"Then let's go!"

He flung the door open, and was about three steps down the ramp when he and Jack were brought up short by a small crowd of people standing at the base. It was his fan club. Somehow, with the Brainstorm clan fighting off the monsters, they had enough cover to stand calmly outside the rocket and wait for them.

"What the heck are _they _doing here?!" Jack hissed at Jacqueline.

His cousin shrugged in reply. "I didn't see them when I came in," she whispered back.

Dr Brainstorm managed to get over his surprise and cleared his throat. "Ah ha… Well then… _fan club_… What… er… what's going on here?"

Larry, as always the self-appointed leader, stepped up the ramp a little ways. "Well, you see here, Master Brainstorm…," he said slowly, "we're a little concerned about you."

Dr Brainstorm raised an eyebrow. "Oh really? You weren't exactly concerned when I was in my funk. Seemed to enjoy running the place."

Larry pretended he hadn't heard that and continued. "So… we held a poll, and we agreed that we'd come down here and have a little chat with you."

Dr Brainstorm and Jack looked amongst the fan clubbers and saw that just about half of them were glaring at him. The others were all kind of looking nervous and not quite sure what to say or do.

"… Chat about what?" he asked warily.

"Well, you see, when we started this fan club, it was because we thought you were all about taking over the world, being our exalted evil leader and all that jazz. Now, however, we're beginning to worry that you've lost sight of that. You've gone astray."

"I beg your pardon? How so?"

"For openers, you're helping people instead of enslaving anyone."

"Not exactly a good time to enslave anyone, Larry. Too much pandemonium to effectively take charge."

"Not of the people! The _monsters_! You could be building a monster army right now!"

"Oh, please! These guys? The monsters are far too rowdy to make good minions! They'd be constantly breaking things, eating inventions, not to mention the mess they'd make of the bathroom!"

"You could torture them into submission! You could be breaking them until they're totally subservient! Why am I even telling you all this? Why haven't you thought of it yourself?! You're supposed to be an evil villain, for crying out loud! You're here to dominate the Earth! Why aren't you doing that?! Huh?!"

Dr Brainstorm opened his mouth to say something, but whatever words he'd had died on his lips as what Larry was saying penetrated his mind, and he looked very thoughtful. He looked out at the monsters battling his family and wondered. He could most definitely do _something _to tip this situation into his favor. This could be the big break he'd been waiting for. A chance to have an unstoppable monster army. The very thing he needed to take over the world by force. It could work. It could actually _work_.

So why wasn't he doing it?

He looked back at his fan club, who were all waiting for a response. He looked at the chaos again. Then, he looked at Jack, and he saw the sympathy in his friend's digital eyes.

"Jack… What do I _do_?" he asked quietly, sounding so lost it was painful.

The robot's mouth creaked into a smile. "Frank… if taking over the monsters was the right thing for you to do, you would've tried already, failed, given up and gone home. That's _not _what you did. Your first instinct was to try and save the world."

Dr Brainstorm considered his friend's words for a moment, then reached to straighten his lab coat, but he found that it had never been straighter in his life. It felt… right. Everything about him suddenly felt right. His lab coat, his slacks, his t-shirt, his crazy hair – it all felt _right_. He looked at the Servant Ray he'd been carrying. _It _felt right. More specifically, the reason he was holding it felt right.

His resolve strengthened, he turned and faced down Larry, who was still waiting for an answer.

"Move over, Larry. We're sending the monsters back."

Larry blinked a few times, his expression growing increasingly irate. "So… that's the way you want it?"

"That's the way it is."

Larry nodded, stuffed his hands into his pockets, and then, with an enraged yell, he pulled out one of the ray pistols from the lab and fired it at him. An angry red bolt of light zigzagged wildly at them.

There was a flash, and the laser was absorbed into a force field. Jacqueline had extended it from her fist. "So you came packing heat?" she asked incredulously. "Some fan club."

Larry smirked. "Oh, we've had our concerns for a while now. Haven't we, guys?"

A little more than half of the fan club pulled out various weapons of their own, all from the lab. The rest of the fan club looked absolutely shocked.

"What the heck are you guys doing?!" shouted Ashley.

"What has to be done," Larry replied in a tight voice. "If Brainstorm here won't take over the world, _we _will!"

Dr Brainstorm and Jack held up their weapons. "Jacqueline," Dr B ordered. "Get back and protect the ordinary people! We'll fight them off."

"I'll say we will," Jack agreed. "I've been waiting _weeks _to do this!"

"The battle begins!" Larry declared, and he and the weapon-toting club members charged ahead.

* * *

Galaxoid and Nebular frantically worked the controls of their ship. Everyone was safely aboard, and they were piloting away from the Zokian cruiser. They were searching for a place to hide, preferably to make plans while they waited for Rupert and Retro to get their act together and follow them.

Every once in a while, they'd throw a glance back into the mid-ships and see how things were going. It wasn't great. Calvin was still in a state of shock, his eyes staring blankly ahead and his limbs utterly limp. He twitched and gave the odd spasm, but he was still gone.

The MTM was silent as he scanned him. A red laser light was aimed at Calvin's head, scanning his brain and computing all the available data.

"Well…?" Andy asked anxiously.

"It's not good," the CD player said at last. "He's completely catatonic. Whatever mental games they played with him, his mind is just gone. Completely locked up. Lights are on, but nobody's home."

"Isn't there anything we can do?" asked Socrates.

"Short of electroshock therapy, I'm not really sure," said Sherman.

Hobbes was hovering over his friend, starting down at him silently and stroking his hair. "Come on, buddy," he said quietly. "You've gotta snap out of it. I'm sorry we didn't get there soon enough, but we're here now. _I'm _here now. Whatever it takes to get you through this, we'll do it. Just… _please _wake up."

Calvin's eyes just stared blankly ahead.

"This is real. I promise you, it's real. _We're _real. _I'm _real."

Those words had a brief effect on Hobbes as his existential crisis briefly reared its head, but this time, he shook it off.

"I'm real. I promise you, I'm real, and I'm here, and I'm going to help you."

Calvin's eyes continued to stare blankly.

* * *

Deep inside his mind, it was like a car engine trying its best to turn over but never quite managing it. There were flashes of light, images of fire and explosions, split-second remnants of fear and despair…

But then, there was a person. There were _three _persons. There were three people standing over him.

"Come on, cadet," said Spiff gently. "We're not going to let the alien scum beat us, are we?"

"It's time to pull through," Stupendous Man agreed. "Time to be a hero. The hero I know you are."

"Right," said Tracer. "So put that brain of ours to work. We need to solve this once and for all."

Calvin stared up at them. He wanted to say something, but he couldn't quite get the words out of his mouth. It was like his throat was full of cotton, and his brain was absolute mush. He stared back at them helplessly.

Spiff smiled. "Here," he whispered. "We'll give you a jumpstart."

He held his hands out to Stupendous Man and Tracer Bullet, and the three of them joined together. They closed their eyes and concentrated, sending whatever mental power they had towards the boy lying before them.

For a second, there was nothing.

Then… Calvin began to feel something. It was like he was reliving his whole life again, everything felt fresh and new. He could smell things, taste things, hear things, _feel _things again. It was wonderful and terrifying and exciting and relaxing all at once.

He heard Tracer's voice. "You're Calvin the Bold – inventor of the Transmogrifier."

Then Stupendous Man. "You're Dictator-for-Life of the **G**ET **R**ID **O**F **S**LIMY GIRL**S** club."

He could see Spiff's face. "Your best friend is a tiger named Hobbes, and I think you should know… he needs you right now."

Calvin took a sharp intake of breath. It was like a switch had just been thrown. The key had turned, and his engine had started running. His eyes darted around the cascade of memories, and he saw his three alter-egos standing in front of him, holding hands.

Stupendous Man and Tracer Bullet reached out to him.

Calvin fought valiantly, trying to get up and reach them. He could feel the icy grip of his shock still trying to hold him down, but he wasn't about to let that stop him. Just a little bit further, and then…

His hands grasped those reaching for him, and he felt a power surge through him. He felt… better. Like, his fear and horror were slowly draining away. He saw his other selves smiling at him. He smiled back. It felt so good to smile again.

Spiff then smirked at the other two. "See? And you thought that wouldn't work!"

Tracer rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, we owe you a quarter each."

Calvin laughed. He felt whole again.

His other selves gave him a nudge. "Now go get 'em!"

* * *

Calvin felt like his lungs were almost empty, and he had to take a sudden breath to get them feeling normal again. As he gasped for breath, he was dimly aware of his friends all jumping back in alarm. He looked all around, trying to figure out where he was.

"I was…! There was a…! And fire and…! I… Wait a minute…"

His eyesight righted itself, and he saw everyone surrounding him. He had been laid out on a large flatbed scanner table, and he drenched in sweat. He patted himself up and down. No injuries to be found.

"… So…," he said at last. "I'm not dead?"

Hobbes' shock gave way to a relieved smile. "Not by a longshot, little buddy!" he laughed, immediately pulling his friend into a huge hug.

Calvin was taken off guard, but once the surprise wore off, he smiled and hugged his best friend in the world right back. "Oh man," he sighed. "Hobbes, after that, I am _so _looking forward to second grade!"

The rest of their friends crowded around, all of them thoroughly relieved.

"Calvin, are you okay?" Andy asked urgently.

"Yeah, I'm fine," he said, slowly disengaging himself from the hug. "Man… I'm in no hurry to do _that _again!"

"I have to agree," said Socrates. "Honestly, the catatonic look just does _not _suit you." Then, his face fell. "Oh, drat!"

"What's wrong?" asked Hobbes.

"I was so consumed with fear and worry that I didn't film a single _second _of that! My viewers are going to be all confused by the sudden jump in the action!"

"It's all about priorities, isn't it?" Sherman sighed.

"Just use your crazy editing skills to fix it," said Andy. "They do it in Hollywood all the time."

"I suppose, but still…"

Calvin smiled at the banter. "You know, I actually missed this. Is that weird?"

"Very weird," said Hobbes. "But we'll get you the best psychoanalyst food stamps can buy when we get home."

"So what's the deal? Rupert and Retro working together, I know, but what about things on Earth?"

"Well, there's an evil copy of you running around, but we don't know what he's been up to. Trouble is, he's got all your inventions, save for the Time Pauser, and we're not exactly itching to do battle with him against those odds."

"Fair enough… Galaxoid? Nebular? Where are headed?"

"A nearby moon," said Galaxoid. "Estimated time to arrival – fifteen minutes."

"Hmmmm… not exactly a lot of time for a plan…"

"No one is following us as of yet, though," said Nebular. "We left them in a bit of a mess."

"Good, good… Then take us to the moon. It's time we ended this once and for all."

* * *

Back on the battle cruiser, the crew were all standing in the main drive room, all looking anxious. Earl was with them, waiting patiently. He drummed his tentacles on the console to calm his nerves. What they were about to do was risky, but he knew it was something they had to do. If not for their own good, then for the good of their people.

The main door hissed open, and a heavily-bandaged Rupert slithered in, still growling. Once he was in the middle of the room, he realized how quiet it was.

"What are you all doing?" he demanded. "They escaped twenty minutes ago! We should be chasing them right now! Get to work!"

The crew all looked at each other nervously, but none of them budged.

"I said, get to work!" Rupert shouted. "Start flying this dumb ship and capture them!"

They still didn't move. They looked frightened, but they stood firm.

"What's the matter with you numbskulls?!" Rupert bellowed, advancing on them. "I just gave you a direct order! Pilot the ship!"

At last, Lenny slithered bravely forward. "Um… no," he said at last.

Rupert stared at him, dumbfounded. "Excuse me?"

"I… I said no. In fact, we _all _say no!"

"… And why _not_, dare I ask?"

"Because… Well, because, you're mean to us. You yell at us, you ruin our fun, and you're just a big mean bully."

"Yeah!" said Carl, backing up his friend. "And if you can't be nice, we don't want to do what you say anymore!"

Rupert was very quiet, and that just made him all the more frightening. "So…," he said in low voice. "You've decided to stand up for yourselves, huh? Decided to put the old man in his place, eh? Think you're all so _tough_, huh?"

Lenny and Carl slowly inched back into the group, not liking where this was going.

"Well…," Rupert continued, "… we'll just have to do something about that, won't we?" He didn't even turn his head to look. "Earl? Get the shock collars out."

The alien crew quivered and looked at their Captain with worried expressions.

Rupert smirked. "We'll see how tough you all are when you've got a few thousand volts of current running through you."

Then, he realized he didn't hear any movement behind him.

"Earl? Shock collars. Now."

Earl just stared at him, arms crossed and not moving.

"Earl! I'm giving you an order! Get those shock collars out _now_!"

"No," Earl replied calmly.

Rupert stared, his anger now blended with shock and confusion, not to mention a degree of hurt. "… Earl?"

"I'm sorry, Rupert," his Captain replied. "But you are currently unfit for command. This obsession with killing Calvin has gone on for far too long and has endangered not only us but our planet. We've let everything fall apart because of it. All the planets we enslaved are free. Everything we worked for is wiped out, and all because you can't just let this stupid kid _go_. So as of right now, you can consider yourself deposed. You are not our leader anymore, and we will _not_ be following any of your orders."

Rupert looked like he was so lost right now. "Earl, no… not you, too. No, this… Earl, please, I… I didn't mean… I just… Earl, I need you! We've been in this together! Taking over the Earth! Killing the boy! This has always been _our thing_! You can't just throw it all away! Not after everything we've been through!"

Earl heaved a deep breath. "Rupert, I'm sorry, but this is the way it has to be. For both our sakes. So please, just come quietly. We can take you back to Zok. Maybe rehabilitate you. Help you. But you are no longer King."

Rupert's mouth hung open for a long time, and everyone watched him carefully.

Then, his jaw clenched, showing his razor-sharp teeth, and he let out a primal scream as he charged towards Earl and proceeded to wrap his tentacles around his neck and strangle him, shoving him against the wall and slamming him into it repeatedly.

It didn't last very long, though, because suddenly, he felt several more tentacles wrap around himself, and he was suddenly wrenched from Earl's throat and dragged away, thrashing and kicking. He realized that it was the crew, all fighting to hold him down.

"This would probably be a good time for a sedative of some sort!" Lenny shouted over his ex-King's shouting.

"Do we have any?" asked Carl.

"I can make some warm milk, but I don't think it'll do much good…," said Biff.

Rupert, however, managed to get himself free, and he scurried to the corner of the room like a caged animal, growling fiercely at them. "Fine!" he bellowed. "I don't need you! I don't need _anyone_!"

He pressed a button on his uniform, and a moment later, he vanished in a field of electricity, teleporting away.

* * *

Retro was in a corridor a few floors down, heaving the Imaginator and looking for some kind of an escape. He had been running for some time, but it didn't look like anyone had followed him. Probably helping the brat escape. Muttering to himself, he decided it was time to start on the next part of the plan…

He was interrupted by a loud crackling sound around the corner, and he looked up just in time to see the deranged Rupert bearing down on him.

"There you are!" he shouted. "I need you!"

Retro blinked, hoping the crazy alien wasn't talking to _him_, but alas, he was, and slithering straight towards him.

"Listen," the alien said hurriedly. "My crew have betrayed me. Even Earl has let me down. Tried to tell me I was being 'deposed' – as if they have the authority! And meanwhile, Calvin is _still _getting away!"

Retro regarded him for a long moment. "… Right," he said at last, trying to stay calm. "Then… why don't we just… find a ship and give chase? Finish what we started?"

Rupert grinned. "I knew I could rely on you," he said, wrapping a slimy tentacle around him. "You're probably the only friend I have left."

Retro faked a smile, but once Rupert was slithering off towards the escape pods, he grimaced and wiped some of the slime off. He hefted the Imaginator and set to work preparing it. It was almost time.


	17. Taking Control

On Earth, things had only gotten considerably more ridiculous.

Dr Brainstorm's family were still doggedly fighting the monsters. Not that they minded, of course. Sheila always enjoyed a good battle, and the monsters were proving just resilient enough that they could be knocked down for a while before jumping back up again. Even their toughest, however, were beginning to tire, and some of the monsters were lying exhausted, bruised and passed out on the pavement. They were no match for her unstoppable energy.

Mr. and Mrs. Brainstorm fought mostly back-to-back, constantly covering the other one.

"Well, you know what they say," Mr. Brainstorm said cheerfully. "The family that fights monsters together _stays _together! We should've done this sort of thing when Frank and Sheila were kids!"

"Eat death, monsters!" Mrs. Brainstorm bellowed, firing a portable laser cannon at a slug-like creature with fearsome claws and extended eyestalks. It crumpled and collapsed.

In the meantime, Dr Brainstorm and Jack were continuing to battle the members of his fan club that had gone berserk. They had most of his abandoned weapons and were trying to shoot him down, but the mad scientist and his robot were just competent enough to match their incompetence. They had already managed to incapacitate some of them, but one in particular was being a problem.

"You can't run forever!" Larry shouted. "If you don't take over the world, _we _will!"

Dr Brainstorm tried firing his Servant Ray at him, but Larry's own ray gun met the blast with its own and dissipated it. "Give it up, Larry!" he shouted, hiding behind a sidewalk mailbox. "This can only continue for so long! And we're more experienced than you are!"

"It doesn't matter!" Larry shouted back. "I waited my whole life for someone to take over the world so I could blindly follow them and reap the glory that was deprived of me for so many years! I've been devotedly serving you in the hopes that I would be one of your lieutenants in your end-of-the-world conquest!"

"I wasn't _going _to bring about the end of the world! The plan was to _rule _it! I was going to… I was… I…" He threw a quick glance at Jack. "How _was _I going to rule the world once I had it?"

Jack shrugged. "It changed every week. I remember something about making every Friday 'Air Guitar Day', but that was years ago."

"Huh… Too bad. That one might've been fun." He resumed shouting at his attacker. "The point is, Larry, I was never going to make you a lieutenant! You would've been lucky to have polished the buttons on my lab coat! And they're _plastic_, so they don't really _need_ polishing! So burn on _you_!"

For some reason, this seemed to incense Larry even more, and he proceeded to blow up the mailbox, sending Dr Brainstorm and Jack flying backwards as the explosion sent burnt letters and envelopes everywhere.

"Oh look," said Jack as the mail confetti rained down. "Everyone was sending a sheet of paper to everyone else…"

Larry stalked over to them and pointed his ray gun right at them. "I'll be taking over the show from here on out, you failure," he growled, getting ready to squeeze the trigger.

Suddenly, there was another blast of laser perpendicular to them, and the ray gun went flying out of Larry's now-burnt hand. "Ow!" he wailed. "That hurt! What the…?"

They all turned in the direction of the blast to find a familiar face holding the weapon.

"Ashley…?" he asked quietly, stunned by the young woman facing him down. "How could you?!"

"How could I?" she repeated, bemused by his stupidity. "You mean, how could I stop you from killing another human being? How could I betray you after how you treated me – and everybody else in the club – like dirt? You're _seriously _asking me that?"

Larry blinked. "Well, when you put it like that, it's not very shocking at all…"

They noticed that the members of the fan club that _hadn't _been fighting them had returned now, and they all had more conventional weapons, like mallets and clubs. They all formed a line beside Ashley.

"Not all of us came here to enslave the world, Larry," she said. "We were just lost, looking for someone to follow. Not all of us have such a blatant disregard for human life. We stayed with this club because we thought it was fun, but now, this is just wrong."

Larry sneered as some of his followers rejoined him. "And you think you can stop me?"

Ashley snapped her fingers, and a middle-aged woman who'd been standing behind her pulled out a gun and shot down one of Larry's followers, sending him crashing to the ground with a dart in his shoulder. He was unconscious in seconds.

Ashley smiled. "I think we can."

Larry growled. "Get them!" he bellowed.

Dr Brainstorm and Jack watched as the two sides of the fan club started battling each other.

"Wow," said Jack. "Infighting is always such a shame."

"It's also providing cover," said Dr Brainstorm. "Stay here and help Ashely's side. I'm going to find the duplicate."

"Gotcha."

They split up, with Jack providing Ashely's team with some much-needed backup while Brainstorm slipped down an alley, already tracking the clone with his Servant Ray.

* * *

With Calvin steadily recovering, the gang were currently discussing what they should do next.

Galaxoid and Nebular were keeping an eye on Rupert's ship while they piloted away from it. They were busily looking up coordinates for any suitable hiding places when they noticed a small blinking dot on the screen was leaving the bigger dot and now heading in the direction of their own little blinking dot.

"… Do you suppose they're following us?" asked Galaxoid.

"Probably," said Nebular.

"And the odds of it being a simple pizza delivery are…?"

"_Very _slim."

"Drat. Hang on."

Leaving Nebular at the controls, Galaxoid hopped down from his chair and slithered into the next room where the gang were in deep discussion.

"Pardon me, Earth people," he said cordially, "but I thought you might like to know that a smaller ship has just deployed from the battle cruiser and is now currently catching up to us. Therefore, you may be experiencing a brief moment of turbulence as Nebular and I attempt to save our sorry butts. Apologies in advance."

"… 'kay, thanks," said Calvin.

Galaxoid nodded and returned to the cockpit.

Socrates immediately had his camera out. "Ooooh, car chase! My viewers will eat this up!"

"Yes, our untimely deaths in deep space should make for good viewing," deadpanned Sherman.

"I know!"

Calvin and Hobbes ran into the cockpit and looked over Galaxoid and Nebular's lack-of-shoulders for a look at the radar screen. There was that second dot, screaming closer to them.

"Can we outrun it?" asked Calvin.

"Possibly," said Galaxoid. "Their shuttle is a bit more maneuverable than ours, but there's every chance that if we maintain current speed, we'll be able to escape."

Suddenly, there was an explosion that shook the ship, and Calvin and Hobbes were knocked to the floor.

Galaxoid looked at the readouts and cleared his throat. "Of course… they seem to have weapons, so that tips the odds in their favor a tad, admittedly."

"What's the damage?" asked Hobbes.

Nebular's single eye scanned the readouts of another screen. "Starboard thrusters," he said. "Still operating at ninety percent capacity, but another hit could reduce that drastically."

"Then we need to start some serious ducking and dodging. Can you guys do that?"

"Tentacles crossed!"

Galaxoid and Nebular gripped the pilot controls and twisted them to the side, sending their passengers sliding down the smooth floor and crashing into the far wall.

Andy, Sherman and Socrates crashed into the wall as well.

"As you can see, gentle viewers!" Socrates said into his camera, still held at arm's length. "We are currently in a run-for-your-life type situation! Will we survive? Will we ever see the light of day again? Here's your chance to decide! Vote now! Life or death! We await your will with great anticipation!" He pressed a button on his phone and put it away.

"… Seriously?" shouted Sherman. "You want them to vote on whether or not we live or die?!"

"Of course!" said Socrates. "It's all about giving the people what they want! I mean, sure, I'm all for continuing the series, but if they decide this is a good place to end everything, I shall respect that! And what a finale! A huge fireball! Wouldn't that be exciting?!"

Andy and Sherman looked at him for a long time.

"… Socrates, are you insane?" Andy asked carefully.

Socrates blinked. "Well… no… I mean, I…"

The ship tilted, and they all gently slid across the floor into the other wall while they spoke.

"It's just, with everything going on, I mean… do you ever get the feeling that things are ending? I mean, Calvin's growing up. _You're _growing up. Heck, I think _Elliot_ might be growing up, too. I have no idea what to make of it. Where does that leave me? I need _something _in my life, and frankly, this web show is giving me something to do. I don't know what's going to happen to us all one day, but I'd like to think that by recording everything, no matter what happens to us, we'll have so many recorded memories of us that… it'll feel like we're always together."

The ship tilted back the other way, and they slid slowly across the floor again.

"Wow…," said Andy quietly. "Socrates, I had no idea."

"I don't think I did, either… It's amazing what you can learn about yourself when you just start talking…"

His phone suddenly vibrated, and he picked it up again. He read the screen and looked excited. "Hey, look! At least seventy-five percent of my viewers said we should live! That's gotta be a good sign, right?"

"… Only seventy-five?" asked Sherman.

Suddenly, there was another explosion, and they went flying across the room again, landing in a heap.

Andy peeled himself off the floor. "Let's just hope the will of the people is enough," he groaned.

Calvin and Hobbes came running back into the room. "Okay, guys, crash positions!" Calvin shouted. "They took out the rear thrusters! We're going down!"

As the group all banded together in and strapped themselves into the safety harnesses, Galaxoid's voice came in over an intercom.

"Okay, passengers, hang on tight. We're about to crash land on a small planetoid not too far away. We expect there to be some bumpiness as one of the landing legs was burnt shut by the laser blast we just endured. Travel sickness bags are under the seats. Please try to be respectful of your fellow passengers by being discreet in your spray of vomit."

Calvin rolled his eyes. "I don't want to hear any complaints about my style of wagon driving when we get home after this."

Hobbes shrugged. "We'll see how bad this is first."

Galaxoid and Nebular gripped the controls tightly, remembering everything they were taught in pilot school. They kept the nose of their ship level with the horizon and brought it in nice and easy, only really getting bounced around as they entered the planet's atmosphere. They managed to prevent a spinout, and upon finding nowhere particularly soft, settled for a simple flat stretch of land around the base of a mountain range.

Bracing themselves, they hit the dust bowl and felt the ship skip along like stone on a lake as it bounced and skidded along the relatively smooth terrain. They continued along for a considerable distance until they finally slowed to a clumsy stop, the ship tilted at an odd angle.

The two little aliens took a moment to make sure they had truly ceased moving before releasing the controls and slumping in their seats. They'd made it.

Once assured they were safe, everyone unbuckled themselves from the seats and staggered down.

"Well…," said Socrates, stretching his neck. "Still more pleasant than most taxis I've ridden in."

"Where are we?" asked Sherman.

MTM spoke up from Calvin's pocket. "Seems to be a small planet not too far from Zok," he said. "Breathable atmosphere, slightly light gravity, and dusty as heck, so don't breathe too deeply."

"Noted," sighed Hobbes. "Come on, gang. Let's see what's out there."

* * *

The embarkation ramp had to be extended at full length due to the angle the ship sat at, and they needed climbing equipment to reach it, and then the MTM helped lower everyone down the rest of the way with his robot arms seeing as how the end of the ramp was still about five feet off the ground. Once that was done, they took in the scenery.

It was dusty, for sure. In the distance, they could see rolling clouds of red dust against the horizon. The mountains almost went straight up, towering over them like skyscrapers. They took in the plant life, surprised to see they resembled diamonds.

Galaxoid and Nebular fiddled with the open hatch on the front so they could see the engine.

"Okay…," announced Nebular. "I think we can get auto-repair to fix a few things. Just needs some time. Enough to get us back in the air, at least."

MTM beeped. "I don't think we're going to have that kind of time. The ship that attacked us is headed this way."

They all looked to the sky, and they saw a small dot that was coasting across the stars, apparently looking for them.

"Who's in it?" asked Calvin. "Did they bring the whole crew?"

"Only detecting two life forms," said MTM. "One human, one Zokian. Take a guess."

"Just the two of them, huh?" asked Hobbes. "So what do we do?"

"Running and hiding sounds like a good plan until we come up with a real one," said Andy.

"I second that cowardice," said Socrates.

Sherman, on Andy's shoulder, looked around and spotted something in the cliff face they were under. "There's some caves over there!"

Seeing where he was pointing, they all ran into one of them for cover.

"This isn't going to be very effective," said Galaxoid. "They'll soon see our ship, and if we hide here too long, we'll be cornered."

"All the more reason to think of a plan," said Sherman. "Anyone got any ideas?"

"Kind of hard to make one right now," said Calvin. "I don't have any of my inventions. Did you guys bring anything?"

"Just the box and the MTM," said Hobbes.

"And I'm still self-repairing after your evil doppelgänger played Frisbee with me," the CD player added disdainfully.

While they were talking, however, Andy began to zone out. He didn't mean to, but something seemed to be whispering in his ear. He looked around for the source, but he couldn't see anyone else. The whispering persisted, and he tried to focus on the words.

_Time… Forever…_

Those two words were buzzing around in his head like angry bees. What could it mean?

"Andy?"

At hearing his name, Andy snapped out of the trance and focused on Calvin again. "Sorry, what?"

"You looked a little out of it. You okay?"

"Yeah, I'm… No, wait… no, there was something… Something important."

Calvin held up the MTM. "Any trace of the Entity?"

"I think so," he replied. "There was definitely a disturbance just now."

"Andy, what did it do?" asked Sherman.

"It just… whispered two words to me."

"And they were?"

"They were 'time' and 'forever'. Just… over and over again… What does it mean?"

"I feel like we're asking that question a lot," sighed Socrates.

"This is getting confusing," said Hobbes. "Why is this thing constantly meddling? Its goals make no sense!"

"Yeah, but you know the part that's seriously bugging me the absolute _most_?" Calvin asked impatiently.

Hobbes sighed. "No, I don't. Pray enlighten me."

Calvin turned and slowly approached Andy, looking at the boy like he was some kind of alien mutant, therefore making him looking uncomfortable.

"… What?" he asked at last.

"Andy…," Calvin said slowly, "… when you paused time to evacuate the others away from my evil clone… did it not occur to you to grab the hypercube full of _all_ of my inventions _away _from him?"

There was a very long silence. It was like a little light came on in Andy's eyes, and, in a sort of domino effect, in the eyes of everybody else. They all looked at him questioningly, and even he seemed extremely perplexed by this.

"I… I didn't… I mean… It just didn't seem…," he struggled, but his brain couldn't wrap itself around the idea. How could he have been so dumb?

Calvin raised an eyebrow. "I'm gathering that this is the first time it's occurred to you since you left Earth."

"… Kind of?"

He turned to the rest of the group. "So I'm guessing it didn't occur to _you_ guys, either."

"Well… no, actually, it didn't," said Sherman sheepishly.

"Yeah, we had slightly more important running-for-our-lives things to do," said Socrates.

"Look," said Hobbes, holding up his paws to steer them back on track. "It doesn't matter at this point. What's done is done. Let's focus on how to fix this…"

"We _are_ fixing this by focusing on it," Calvin replied. "Because I've known this boy for a long time now, and I know one thing is for sure – he's not an idiot."

"… I'm not?" Andy looked really confused now.

"No, you're not. You're the levelheaded one. The one that never makes that kind of mistake. So why did you? Why did that thought not enter your head?" Then, he looked at the rest of the group. "Why did Retro's pod never reach the prison planet? How did he even manage to escape from Annkor? Why did the MTM's teleporter malfunction when Hobbes and I were kidnapped?"

"You suggest something was _making _these things happen?" asked Galaxoid.

"The Entity?" asked Sherman.

"But why?" asked Hobbes.

"To get us to _this exact spot_," said Calvin. "Because this is where it's going to go down. This is where we're going to defeat Retro and Rupert once and for all."

"It wants us to defeat them?"

"No, it wants one of us to defeat the other. It's using us like pawns for its own ends."

"So what do we do?"

"We act like pawns."

"… Super lost now," said Socrates.

"But not just any old pawns. We'll be pawns that make their own decisions."

"I still don't get it," said Andy. "Why would it make me not take the other inventions?"

"Because it wanted to force this scenario. The only invention you have on you is the Time Pauser, correct?"

Andy pulled the yellow device out of his pocket. "Yeah…?"

Calvin took it and hefted it in his hand. He peered outside. The ship carrying Rupert and Retro was coming closer.

"Okay…," he said at last. "This is the plan…"

* * *

They watched as the ship carrying Rupert and Retro swooped in over the mountain range and came in for a landing, having spotted Galaxoid and Nebular's ship. They were clearly about ready to land.

Spiff straightened his goggles. "So…," he said. "We're really doing this?"

"Seems to be what we're being pushed to," said Tracer, briefly looking at his cigarette before throwing it to the ground and stubbing it out with his shoe.

"We asked earlier if this was really who we are," said Stupendous Man. "Do we still know?"

They all looked at Calvin, who was wringing his hands and trying to stay calm. He was clearly nervous. "I don't know…," he muttered. "I don't know, I don't know, I _really don't know_…"

Seeing his other self in such a state of worry, Spiff came over and put a hand on his shoulder. "Think of what this will mean," he said calmly. "No more having to fight them anymore. No more chances for them to hurt anyone, be it on Earth or anywhere else."

"This is our chance to finally rid the universe of the two most dangerous beings in the universe," said Stupendous Man. "Time to bring them to justice."

"Even if it's an unconventional justice," added Tracer. "For the greater good, we _must _do this."

Calvin nodded. He knew what they were saying made sense. And after all that torture he'd just endured, he was far less willing to look the other cheek and give them 'one more chance'. He knew he'd be having nightmares for a while after what he'd just endured at their hands, so he was more willing to accept that this was what needed to be done.

He looked to his other selves. They smiled at him encouragingly. His sense of adventure, his bravery and his cunning – all stood before him, accepting what he was going to do. It only meant one thing – _he _was accepting what he was going to do.

He felt a paw on his hand and looked up to see Hobbes looking back at him with concern. "Are you ready?" he asked gently.

Calvin hefted the Time Pauser in his hand. "Ready."


	18. Stop in the Name of Time

Air hissed from the falling door of Rupert's spacecraft, as it lowered him and Retro to the ground. Rupert was in his human disguise unit, but the realism of the holographic system perfectly conveyed his stress and loss of control. His hair was messy and misshaped, as though he had been compulsively pushing his hands over the top of his head. His face was gaunt and pale and his beard was ragged and pushed to one side as he grinded his teeth, scanning the bright purple and blue environment surrounding them. Retro was considerably more composed, holding the Imaginator in his hands as he watched the mad king draw his ray gun and aim it out in front him, carelessly.

"Where is he?!" he growled.

"The scanners said his pod crashed nearby," Retro said calmly, admiring the crystals jetting from the smooth and opaque diamond ground. "Let's look around this hill."

Rupert moved forward, swinging his aim all around him as his eyes searched for the escape pod. Retro followed, keeping a close eye on the alien while he turned dials and flipped switches on the machine in his hands.

It wasn't long before they came to the outcropping where the pod had landed. The silver metallic ship was still smoldering with steam rising above its front engine. Rupert scanned the surroundings, still holding the ray gun out in front him, until he saw an opening in the hillside, leading into darkness. He motioned for Retro to follow and moved his way towards the cave. Retro followed, slowly.

Water dripped from the ceilings, as the luminescence from the crystals dimly lit up the interior of the cave, casting a deep blue glow over everything inside. Rupert continued moving forward his gun outstretched until he caught a glimpse of red in the corner of his eye. In an instant, he spun around and fired, lighting the cave up with a flash of green, as he destroyed a crystal in of the corners of the chamber.

_ZZZT_

The crystal shattered, throwing pieces of rock in all directions. Retro flinched and glared at the alien.

"Careful!" he growled.

"It was a reflection!" Rupert growled. "He's here somewhere! Where are you Calvin! Face me! Face me right now!"

"Well, that wouldn't be very strategic of me, now would it?" Calvin's voice echoed from within the cave. Rupert flung himself completely around, looking for the source of the voice. Retro repeatedly ducked every time Rupert's ray gun was aimed at him.

"You can't hide in here, boy!" Rupert roared. "We will find you eventually!"

"See, I'm counting on that," Calvin said. "I've been doing some thinking, as of late… And I think I've finally come to the conclusion, that this really is starting to get old."

"Well, why don't you come out here, so I can end it?" Rupert growled, still scanning the cave walls.

"Well, see, that's a bit on the 'I don't wanna' side of things," Calvin said. "But see, in the past, I was foolish. I figured we could pretty well co-exist in this big ol' universe. You occasionally try to kill me, I stop you, you go away for a while, rinse, dry, repeat… it works out. And for a while, it did. You provided me with a certain level of entertainment, and it gave us both something to do on the weekends. But I'm afraid my patience has worn a bit thin over the years, Rupert."

Rupert began moving forward, his head darting from side to side as he tried to pin down Calvin's voice. Retro followed, still keeping an eye on the alien as they walked.

"You crossed a couple lines here and there, but I'm a fairly forgiving guy," Calvin went on. "But it's clearly getting to an unhealthy standard for you, and now that you've met ice cream cone boy, I think it's time we say our goodbyes."

"What is that supposed to mean?" Retro spoke up.

"It means that if I have learned anything in the last fifteen some odd years of putting up with you idiots, it's that none of you are ever going to leave me alone," Calvin said. "And here's the thing… I actually have a life ahead of me now. I can't keep doing this forever. And with how some of us seem to be falling to pieces, it doesn't seem like you can either."

"THEN LET'S END THIS!" Rupert screamed, his voice rattling the crystals.

Suddenly, Retro caught a blur of orange out of the corner of his eye. He turned around in time to see a striped figure fly through the air and tackle Rupert to the ground.

The alien grunted in pain, as his ray gun clattered to the ground. Retro began flipping switches and quickly tried to get the Imaginator onto his head, until he looked up and saw a short figure sprinting at him from the shadows, wielding a yellow top spinner as a weapon in front of him.

"NO!"

_**BOOM**_

Calvin tackled Retro as well, and while his tiny weight wasn't enough to knock him to the ground, it caused him to stumble ever so slightly so he could grab Hobbes' foot while he and Rupert scuffled on the ground, and he hit the button on the Time Pauser.

The dust floating silently through the air froze and the echoes of the cave ceased.

The crystal planet sat in perpetual suspension. An alien resembling a large bat hung frozen, high above the tinted blue landscape. All of the universe halted within one moment. Everything was quiet. Everything was serene.

That is, of course, until a massive explosion shattered that silence, and rocks, diamonds and debris flew in all directions from the ground before slowing and lingering in the air where the propulsion stopped.

Hobbes and Rupert continued rolling around on the ground wrestling over the alien's ray gun, which was firing randomly through the air, rippling the still air and shattering crystals that flew outwards before halting in midair before hitting the ground. The tiger bit down hard into the alien's flesh causing him to screech out in pain, and he punched Hobbes wherever his tentacles could reach, trying to get a firm grasp back onto his ray gun.

Then out from the hole came Calvin, tumbling from the crater into a heap, with the yellow top spinner flying from his hands.

Retro emerged from the cave as well, glaring down at him with a viscous expression, as he placed the Imaginator helmet onto his head.

"To this day, I still admire your will to fight," he growled, as he flipped another switch on the Imaginator to switch it on.

There was a short pause. Retro looked down at the device with a confused expression. Slowly his eyes moved back up to Calvin, who brushed some of the dust off of him and smirked.

"You little piece of…," Retro's eyes went down to Calvin's hands. "Where is it?"

Calvin himself began scanning the landscape for where the Time Pauser had landed. Finally, his eyes fell upon it sitting in the dust several feet away from him. His eyes darted back to Retro, who had also seen it. The two stared at each other for a moment before they both went for the device. In a burst of dust, Calvin snatched the Time Pauser up and Retro grabbed him by the arm, yanking him back.

"Give me that thing!" the mad scientist screamed, clawing at Calvin's clenched fist.

Calvin fell onto his back and plunged his foot directly into Retro's face, causing him to shout in agony and take several steps back. Calvin leaped to his feet and sprinted for Hobbes and Rupert who were still struggling on the ground several feet away.

Retro rubbed his face in pain before reaching into his mouth and taking a chipped tooth out, much to his fury.

The man charged for Calvin, who just barely was able to brush against Hobbes' fur before he was kneed in his chest, sending him to the ground. Pain shot through Calvin's chest and he found himself short of breath, as he watched Retro stomp hard on Hobbes' tail, causing the tiger to cry out in pain.

Rupert took this opportunity to elbow Hobbes under his chin, causing him to fall back as well. He stood up and cast a glance at Retro, who focused his attention on Hobbes. He nodded to alien and pulled out a knife, and Rupert faced Calvin.

"End of the road, boy," he growled.

Calvin clutched his chest and glared at Rupert, still trying to catch his breath.

"Oh you know, only took you a decade and a half to beat a kid who can't even drive yet," he shot back.

"You are in NO POSITION TO TALK BACK TO ME!" Rupert screamed, kicking Calvin hard in the chest and sending him rolling another few feet away.

"Uuf!" Calvin grunted, holding his stomach in agony.

Hobbes' head shot up, and he growled as his eyes shot to Retro, who was still holding the knife over him.

"You have destroyed my entire life!" Rupert shouted, stomping back up to Calvin. "Ever since I first laid eyes on you at that pathetic daycare of a summer camp! You have done nothing but make my life a living hell!"

"And yet you kept coming back to me," Calvin grunted.

"It doesn't matter," Rupert said, slowly raising his ray gun at the boy. "After you and your companions are dead, I will ravage your world. The people who never knew you will be granted quick deaths. Your friends and family will suffer slow deaths that will last the course of weeks, because I won't ever forge-"

"What are you going to do when Retro betrays you?" Calvin interrupted.

Rupert stared down at Calvin, the madness still blazing in his eyes. Retro's head shifted, still keeping his eyes on Hobbes.

"Pretty desperate attempt there, boy," Rupert finally said. "That's not going to save your life, now."

"I don't count on it," Calvin said, his gaze unfaltering. "But you know he doesn't think you're real, right?"

Rupert's brow furrowed. "What?" he spat.

"You're not real. You're just a figment of my imagination. All of this is. He knows it. And he's going to fix it once I'm gone."

Rupert stared down at Calvin, his expression that of rage and confusion. He threw a glance over at Retro.

"He's trying to distract you," Retro said, calmly, keeping his eyes on Hobbes. "Just shoot him and let's be done with it."

"I don't know, Rupert. Maybe you should shoot him first," Calvin said, slowly. "After all, he's so much more of a threat right now than I am. I don't even have any weapons. He has the Imaginator."

"Shut up, Calvin," Retro said, calmly.

Rupert's eyes narrowed as he looked down at the Imaginator in Retro's hands. "Give me the machine, then I'll shoot the little rat," he said, finally.

Retro finally broke his gaze, looking up at Rupert. "What?"

"The Imaginator. Give it to me before I shoot him."

"Why? Just kill him, so we can leave!"

"You _are_ going to betray me…," Rupert said, his eyes widening.

"No, of course I'm not!" Retro shouted. "Can you seriously not see what he's doing? He wants you to think that! Kill him before he says anything else!"

"Give me the machine," Rupert growled.

"Oh for the love of…," Retro turned the knife on Calvin and started towards him, but Rupert stopped and punched him hard in the face, sending him reeling backwards.

"What are you doing?!"

Rupert aimed the gun at Retro and fired. Retro barely dodged the blast, leaping to the ground.

"Stop it! He just wants this to happen!"

Rupert advanced over Retro, priming his gun for another shot. The mad scientist rolled desperately out of the way, as Rupert created another crater in the ground.

Retro leaped to his feet, dropping the Imaginator as he attempted to plunge the knife into Rupert's stomach. Dropping his ray gun, Rupert grabbed Retro's arm and forced him back, gritting his teeth as the two glared at each other.

"I'm not dying to a seven-year-old's fever dream!" Retro growled, angrily, as he kept pushing the knife against Rupert's strength.

Slowly, the knife began making contact with Rupert's uniform.

"You're not real! You're not real! You're not real!" Retro chanted through gritted teeth, his eyes now crazier than Rupert's even. A flash of fear crossed the alien's eyes, as the knife slowly began tearing at the fabric.

"Hey!"

Rupert and Retro froze and looked over at Calvin. Hobbes had his arm around his shoulder, and he was holding the Time Pauser high above his head, as he glared at the two.

"You two seriously made that way too easy," he smirked.

"What are you doing?" Retro asked.

"Creating a paradox," Calvin said. "Retro, you're a man of science. Are you aware on how the progression of time works?"

Retro stared at Calvin, worriedly, his eyes darting back and forth between him and the Time Pauser. Rupert's eyes slowly widened. "You wouldn't…"

"I am done with both of your guys' nonsense!" Calvin announced. "You have caused nothing but misery for me and my family for way too long, and I'm ending it."

"Calvin… Please think about this for a moment…," Retro said, holding his hands up and dropping the knife.

"I have," Calvin said. "I thought about it on the cruise ship. I thought about it in the mountain range. I thought about it on the Aankor prison. I thought about it on that stupid island my dad keeps dragging me to every year. This has crossed my mind a couple times, but neither of you had bothered me enough to warrant me deciding upon it."

"You're killing us," Rupert growled, a small smile creeping across his lips. "We've driven you to murder. How does it feel?"

"Make no mistake, Rupert," Calvin went on. "I'm not killing you. Quite the opposite really, I'm giving you both immortality in a sense. You both can fight to your heart's content, and travel a universe that you can no longer interact with, as that universe has moved on without you."

"You little piece of…," Retro took a step for Calvin, until all of a sudden, a sickening squelch was heard, and the black legs of the entity shot from the crystal ground, blocking his advancement towards the boy.

Retro looked at the spindly legs in confusion, before looking back at Calvin.

"Then there's this guy," Calvin said, his voice unchanged. "He's kinda rooting for this, too. All you can eat buffet, if you will. So yeah, I guess I'm not as good at goodbyes as I thought I was… So I'm just going to hit the button now."

Calvin pressed his thumb hard into the button of the Time Pauser.

A blast of white light erupted from all around the qaudrio. Calvin and Hobbes began becoming enveloped in this light, while Retro and Rupert remained still.

The ground began rumbling and the familiar creaking and whispering came into audibility. The hairy and lanky spider legs emerged from the light and began wrapping themselves around the two villains.

As Rupert and Retro continued to rant, their voices slowed and began becoming deeper, and their movements became more blurry and slow. The legs of the entity, continued engulfing the two, while Calvin and Hobbes became more and more enveloped in light.

The last thing Calvin saw, before he was blinded by said light, was Rupert's alien bug eyes, glaring out at him from the grasp of the entity. The last time he would ever see those eyes.

And then they were gone.

_**BOOM!**_

* * *

Hobbes opened his eyes and looked around. Everything was dark. He groaned and rubbed his head as he sat up, trying to take his surroundings in. Was he still on the crystal planet? No… No he wasn't… Was he on Earth? Maybe… Where was he?

As his eyes began adjusting to the darkness, he began realizing that he wasn't in any place he recognized. He was in the middle of forest. A dark forest that seemed to stretch on forever.

_Oh no!_ Hobbes thought, jumping to his feet.

What had happened? Did something go wrong with the Time Pauser? Was he not even in his own reality anymore? The tiger looked around in all directions, but saw nothing particularly of interest, other than the endless stretch of trees.

"Calvin!" he called out.

Nothing.

"CALVIN!" Hobbes shouted again. The tiger began shivering as he kept looking around, for some hope of something. He began sprinting through the forest. He ran for a good twenty seconds, before he had to stop and catch his breath. He panted heavily as he rested his paws on his knees, trying to decide what he was going to do.

Suddenly, a new sound reached his ears. A sound he didn't particularly want to hear at that moment. Whispering.

The tiger froze. The whispering began growing louder. It was coming from behind him.

Slowly Hobbes turned and faced the source. And there it was.

The shadow of the entity towered over the tiger. The chattering and clicking that came from it only barely was overshadowed by the unending whispering that filled Hobbes' ears as he stared at it.

Hobbes' brow furrowed. He thought he was going to be scared of it. He thought it was going to be the most horrifying thing he had ever seen in his life. He thought he was going to have to run and hide, and try to find out a way to get back to Calvin before it devoured him whole.

But he didn't. And he wasn't. Something was calming about it. Something about it gave off the impression that it cared. Something about it was... familiar...

Suddenly, one of the voices in the whispering crowd overpowered the rest, and stood out strong in Hobbes' mind.

"_Hello, old friend._"

* * *

_**BOOM!**_

"Hobbes? Hobbes?!"

Upon hearing his name, Hobbes opened his eyes and took in the sight of his young friend peering down at him.

"Hobbes, are you okay? How'd you end up on the ground?"

Hobbes took in his surroundings. He was back on the crystal planet, lying flat on his back, which was odd, as he'd been standing when they exited Time Stop.

"I don't know," he admitted. "It was like that Entity thing reached into my mind."

"Really? What did it do to you? Are you okay?"

Hobbes thought for a moment, then smiled as his friend helped him up. "Yeah," he said at last. I feel good. Best I've felt in weeks."

Calvin made a face. "That's weird. Why would a weird spidery-thing from the void make you feel better?"

"I suspect it's a long story. If I ever figure it out myself, I'll be sure to tell you."

"Calvin! Hobbes!"

The duo looked up to see Socrates, Andy, Galaxoid and Nebular running up to them, Sherman perched on Andy's shoulder as per the norm.

"What happened?! How did it go?" Andy asked.

"Well, they had a slight disagreement," Calvin said. "They weren't really super on board with the whole 'getting trapped in one moment of time' thing, but… I kind of didn't care.

"So wait… are they… Are they gone?" Galaxoid started.

"Technically, they don't exist anymore," Calvin shrugged. "Trapping them in time like that creates a separate universe to which they will exist for the rest of forever, because otherwise our timeline wouldn't really be able to move forward at all… It's really rather complicated."

"Well… how are you guys doing?" Sherman asked. "Are you alright?"

Calvin shrugged. "Eh… Been better, been worse. Kinda hungry right now."

"I'm… I'm good." Hobbes said, finally. "I'm actually feeling pretty good right now."

"Yeah?" Socrates said, nudging Hobbes. "So that means you guys are up for the outro for the vlog?"

Calvin and Hobbes stared at Socrates blankly.

"I'll take that as a yes? A no? Maybe?"

Before any of them could respond, a new sound began reaching their ears. Everyone looked up to see an alien spacecraft lowering down towards them.

"Dang it!" Calvin groaned. "I thought we were done with this!"

"Do we need to run away again?" Nebular asked.

Calvin held a hand up, and watched as the spacecraft landed itself a few yards away from them. Air hissed from the doorway, as it lowered down, and the silhouette of multiple aliens came into view.

Calvin and the gang watched as Earl and several members of the crew made their way down towards them. Earl shot a glance back and forth along the crystal landscape.

"Calvin," he said, flatly.

"Earl," Calvin said back.

"Where's Rupert?"

"Taken care of," Calvin said, simply.

"OH GOOD GOD!" Lenny shouted. "HE KILLED HIM!"

"I didn't kill him. I'm not going into that explanation again!"

Earl nodded and looked around. "You could have beaten us so many times before," he said, looking off into space. "Why didn't you?"

Calvin shrugged. "Never really felt like I needed to until now. To be fair, I gave you all ample warning the last time."

"You very much did," Earl nodded. "But Rupert wasn't fit to be a leader anymore… He was heading towards his own downfall."

Calvin nodded. "I suppose that means you'll have to find a new leader at some point."

"Yes, they will."

"You might not be too terrible of a choice"

Earl shook his head. "No… No, I'm stepping away from politics for a while. Isn't really my forte anyway."

"Fair enough. What are you going to do then?"

Earl breathed heavily through his lips and looked off into space again. "Probably head home. Tell our people what happened, advise them a little on a new form of government, and then I'm probably going to focus on managing the crew."

"He said he's going to play super checkers with us more often!" Zack said happily.

"It'll be more productive than we've been," Earl sighed and looked back towards the group that had caused him and his crew so many issues over the years. "Well... sorry for all the trouble, I suppose. We'll just..."

"Yeah," Calvin agreed. After everything that had gone down between them, they knew that they could never really be allies. It was simply time to end the fight and go their separate ways.

As Earl slithered back to the ship, Lenny held out a tentacle to Calvin. "Well, I guess this is goodbye," he said cheerily. "Sorry for not helping you guys sooner."

"It's okay," said Hobbes. "At least now you don't have to live in fear anymore."

"I'll say!" agreed Carl. "We're gonna start Casual Dress Fridays!"

"I'm gonna finally be able to wear my form-fitting jeans!" added Dave.

Everyone stared at him in stunned silence.

"Er, how are...?" Andy started, but then he thought better of it. "Never mind."

With one last cheerful wave goodbye, the aliens turned and headed back to the ship. Calvin the group watched as the ship rose into the air, before firing off into the sky, leaving a white cloud trail behind them, as a sonic boom indicated their reentry into space.

They stared up at the sky for a long moment. "Wow… this is a lot more bittersweet than I thought it was going to be…," Andy said.

"And that would be _our_ cue!" Nebular said, saluting Calvin. "Earth Potentate. It has been an honor to fight along your side once more."

"Oh, but of course," Calvin nodded, happily. "It's always a pleasure to fight among friends."

"Will we see you again?" Galaxoid asked.

"One can only hope." Calvin nodded. "I mean, I only got rid of two baddies. It's a pretty big universe… and everything seems to want to kill me for whatever reason."

"Yeah, I can't imagine why, really…," Nebular said. "You've always been so kind to us."

Calvin shrugged.

* * *

Galaxoid and Nebular stood on the bridge of their ship, looking out at Calvin and Hobbes as they and their friends boarded the cardboard box and prepared for takeoff.

"Nice group, them," Galaxoid said, fondly.

"Indeed," Nebular said. "Convenient that Calvin was the first human we ever met."

"Very… It really is a shame, though…"

"Hmm?"

"He really _should_ be the Earth Potentate someday," Galaxoid said. "He's so overqualified for it."

Nebular nodded in agreement.


	19. The Evil Floaty Cue Ball

The chaos receded into the distance as Dr Brainstorm ran down the empty streets. By now, most people had figured out that they probably shouldn't be out in the open while a monster apocalypse took place. The Servant Ray beeped incessantly like a hyperactive chipmunk as he followed the signal. His prey had to be around here somewhere, just waiting to be defeated. He wiped the sweat from his brow - global warming is a myth, my butt - and kept running. Of course this _would _happen during the summer.

The beeping began to speed up as he neared the center of town. The chaos began to ramp up some more around him. He looked back and saw more monsters fighting in the streets, and the noise increased in volume. He skidded around a corner and realized that wherever the Evil Calvin had gone, it had been in a great big circle and lead him just a few blocks down from the main action. Growling in frustration, he continued to follow the signal until he spotted that familiar head of blonde hair, and it sat atop a familiar monster - the one that had been with the evil clone when all this started. Moe stood off to the side, still stewing in his jester's outfit.

"Do you think we lost him?" Jark was asking.

"Please, that moron couldn't track his way out of a paper bag," Evil Calvin replied. "Come on. We need to get started on bringing more forces into this world. Hopefully, that'll take care of the Addams Family over there."

Not at all thrilled with hearing his family being compared to the freakshow that was the family of John Quincey Addams, Dr Brainstorm ducked behind a public trash can and readied his Servant Ray. He'd only get one shot.

Evil Calvin pulled the monster sphere out of the Hypercube and held it up to Jark. "Okay, summon your guys, and let's get some more monsters stomping and crushing. I wanna see some first-class carnage."

Jark rolled his eyes. "Yeah, yeah, keep yer shirt on. I just need to get this thing going." He rubbed the sphere like it was a magic lamp, causing it to glow a pure white color. The air around them rippled, and one by one, portals began to split the air. They opened to long dark swirling tunnels, the edges lined with red flame, and from deep within, they could hear the cries and howls of strange creatures all trying to get through.

Dr Brainstorm watched the scene carefully. He saw that Jark was still rubbing the sphere as if to polish it, and he made the connection. Without a second to spare, he aimed his Servant Ray and fired. A blast of laser zigzagged out and collided with the sphere, sending it flying out of the monster's hands. Almost instantly, the various portals slammed shut with enough force to send the two villains - and Moe - crashing backwards to the ground.

Jark soothed his burnt hands. "What the heck was _that_?!"

Evil Calvin looked back over his shoulder and spotted that familiar head of crazy red hair. "Brainstorm!" he shouted. "Of all the days for your stupid inventions to _work_!"

Dr Brainstorm laughed triumphantly and dove out from behind the trash can. "Cease and desist all troublemaking, villains!" he shouted, aiming his device at them. "I am here to give you a thunderous thrashing!"

Evil Calvin rolled his eyes. "_Please _deal with him," he groaned to Jark.

Jark got to his feet and glared at the insane human before him. "Okay, pipsqueak," he said, storming over to him. "Time to go bye-bye."

"Bye-bye!" Dr Brainstorm replied brightly, and he fired his Servant Ray again.

The laser shot straight into Jark's chest and sent him flying to the sidewalk again. The monster howled out in pain, a thin wisp of smoke billowing from his injury.

"I said deal with him!" Evil Calvin shouted. "This is _Brainstorm _for crying out loud!"

"Darn right it is!" Dr Brainstorm shouted, twirling his Servant Ray on his finger. "I am Dr Franklin J Brainstorm, and I am here to declare your reign of terror over! Now hand over the sphere, and nobody gets hurt!"

Jark got up and charged Brainstorm with a roar, his long claws extended and ready to do some serious eviscerating.

Dr Brainstorm pressed a different button on his Servant Ray, and a large crackling blue force field extended between the two of them. Jark collided with it, and then he seemed to get tangled up in it as if it were glue. It lifted him up into the air, wrapping itself around him before expanding into a perfect sphere, and he remained suspended there, unable to escape. He pounded on the sides, but it didn't react in the slightest, simply crackling with energy as he floated above them.

Evil Calvin stared at him in a stupor. "Since when has the Servant Ray been able to do that?!"

"Since always!" Dr Brainstorm replied. "Now then - I believe I came for that sphere over there."

Evil Calvin immediately ran back and snatched up the discarded sphere, clutching it close to his chest. "No! You're not going to ruin this for me! I want chaos! Destruction! Blood spilling! Lives ruined! People crying! Smoking craters! Why is that so wrong?!"

"Yeesh. Even _I _didn't want that when I tried to take over the world. Now hand it over, kid."

"No! Get away!"

He turned to run, but he collided with a pair of dark slacks and found himself face-to-knees with the real Calvin's parents. Mom and Dad were glaring down at him with stern expressions.

"Young man," said Dad. "I believe you're done with this."

Evil Calvin held it away from them. "What the heck are you two doing here?"

Mom spoke up. "Well, we were hardly going to just hide away in the rocket when we could be helping."

"Yeah, you may be an evil duplicate of our son, but that's also where the advantage lies," added Dad.

Evil Calvin sneered up at them. "_What _advantage?"

Mom bent down and smiled deviously at him. "We know where all your ticklish spots are."

The boy visibly blanched. "You wouldn't."

"Tickle-tickle-tickle!" Mom said as she extended her index finger and made to poke the boy under the armpit.

"No! Don't you dare! I will kill all of you - ACK! HEE HEE HEE! STOPPIT!"

Within an instant, Evil Calvin had crumpled over and loosened his grip on the sphere while Mom tickled him, and Dad reached down and wrenched the device away from Evil Calvin and tossed it across to Dr Brainstorm, who caught it like a basketball and began trying to make it work.

Jack came running up alongside. "Okay, the fan club's being dealt with, and your family's holding their own."

"Yeah, great," Brainstorm muttered as he fiddled with the sphere. He jerked his head in the direction of Calvin's parents. "And _they're _here because…?"

"Said they didn't want to just sit around. The dad said something about virtue and responsibility, and I had to let them go so he'd stop talking. Any luck with that thing?"

"Vinnie said we needed Calvin's DNA to activate it. The duplicate held this thing for at least thirty seconds and nothing happened. I'm beginning to fear that's a problem."

Evil Calvin spluttered through a burst of giggles as Mom continued to pin him through tickling. "You can't - HEE HEE - you can't do anything to stop me, Frank! HA HA! There's nothing you can - HA HA STOP NOW PLEEEEEEEASE!"

Jack held up his hand and proceeded to scan Evil Calvin with it. The flailing boy didn't even notice as the green light swept up and down his body before retracting back into the robot's hand.

"It's been too long," he said. "The DNA doesn't match anymore."

"What do you mean?" Dad asked. "They must've used the duplicate's DNA to enter our world in the first place!"

"Yeah, but since this guy is a duplicate, his DNA is a tiny bit less stable than the original's. It's changed just enough to not work on the sphere."

Evil Calvin finally managed to get free from Mom's grasp and got away. "Ha! That'll show you!" he panted. "There's nothing to save you now!"

Bang on cue, Jacqueline came running up with Susie and Rosalyn right behind her. "Frank! There's a craft approaching Earth! We saw it on the radar!"

"What kind of craft?" asked Dr Brainstorm, holding the sphere up just high enough that Evil Calvin couldn't reach it. The duplicate jumped up and down frantically as he tried to nab it.

"Not sure. No insignia. No registration. Not even a license plate. But it's small and coming in fast."

"Was it square?" asked Jack.

Jacqueline blinked. "I… think so. Why?"

Jack smiled. "I think we just got a solution to our problem." He extended his arm to the sky, and his hand reassembled into a miniature radio transmitter. "Hang on - I'll transmit a signal to the MTM."

"To the what?" asked Dad.

Dr Brainstorm grinned. "I do believe your son's coming home."

Jack's handed reassembled back into itself. "Gave them our coordinates. They should be here any second now."

"Calvin's coming back?" asked Mom, looking close to tears at the idea. "The real one?!"

"The real deal. They'll fly overhead soon."

Evil Calvin went pale again. "No! No, he can't!" he screeched. "I won't let him!" He pulled the Transmogrifier Gun out of the Hypercube - yanking on Moe's leash in the process and almost strangling him - and fired an angry blast at the force field sphere that imprisoned Jark. The field of energy was disrupted and sent him crashing to the sidewalk.

At that moment, they all heard a whizzing sound coming from overhead, and everyone turned to see a small dot flying over the city. The dot grew slightly larger as it grew closer, and things became immediately clear.

Susie pointed upwards as it circled overhead. "Is that… a cardboard box?!" she cried.

Mom gripped Dad's arm. "Oh my gosh, it really _is _him!"

"Wow," Dad marvelled, holding his hands over his eyes to see better. "That must be some quality cardboard! Survived re-entry and everything!"

Jark saw it, too, and he clearly knew what it meant. He ran over to some other monsters and started yelling. "The real one's coming back!" he shouted. "Everyone get ready! The real Calvin's coming back! We need to be alert to destroy him!"

By now, most people in the street had stopped running. Humans and monsters alike all stared up at the cardboard box zooming about in the sky.

Dr Brainstorm handed Jack the sphere. "We need to get this up to him. Do you think you can throw it that far?"

"No sweat," Jack said, aiming carefully. "And… _now_!"

He reared back, and then, as he went into the backswing, he extended his arm's length as far as it would go, and he threw the sphere with all his might.

* * *

Calvin peered over the edge as he and his friends flew the box out over the town. "Yikes," he murmured. "Looks like they've been busy while we've been away."

"This used to be such a good neighborhood," said Andy.

MTM beeped suddenly. "Another message from Jack. Look to starboard."

Calvin, Hobbes, Andy and Socrates immediately looked to the left side, causing the box to tilt in that direction a bit.

Sherman sighed irritably. "Your _other _starboard," he grumbled.

They all switched to the right side and watched as a basket-ball-sized sphere came hurtling straight at them. Calvin instinctively reached out just as it reached them, catching it just before it could plummet back down to Earth.

"Got it!" he said triumphantly. "Now what do I do?"

"Jack said it can destabilize all the monsters," MTM explained. "It needs your DNA to do so."

"Okay, so how do I do that?"

The sphere began to glow white in his hands, taking him off guard.

"I think that's how," said Socrates from behind his camera.

They heard a great deal of ruckus coming from the city below, and they all looked over the side to find all the monsters on the ground crying out in agony, trying to shield themselves with whatever or whoever they could find. Wisps of smoke wafted from their bodies as they wailed their misery to the world.

"What's happening to them?" asked Andy.

"They can't exist in this world without their DNA stabilized," said MTM. "So now they've been destabilized, they're burning up."

Hobbes scratched his chin. "Hmmmm…," he murmured. "Should we do something to help them?"

Calvin nodded. "I think I've made enough heavy decisions for the day," he said, holding up the sphere. "So forgive me if I'm a bit irresponsible and let the monsters live."

"Yeah, that sounds about right," said Andy.

"I mean, we could always poll my viewers if you're not sure," said Socrates, holding up his phone eagerly.

"I think we'll pass," said Sherman, pushing him away.

Calvin held the sphere up to the MTM. "Any chance you can use this to send the monsters home again?"

MTM extended an electrode that snaked out and attached itself to the orb in question. "Let's see…," he said. "Processing… Processing… Ah! Here we are! One interdimensional portal coming up!"

The sphere began to vibrate in Calvin's hands and glowed even brighter.

"So where does this portal open up?" asked Hobbes.

"Right there," said the MTM. "The orb _is _the portal."

Calvin did a double take. "It's what?!"

Socrates peered over the edge of the box and noticed some sort of activity. "Oh wow," he said. "That's a lot of monsters."

Everyone followed his eyeline and saw that all the monsters in the city were quickly being sucked up into the air straight at them, heading straight at them.

Calvin quickly tossed the orb to Hobbes, who looked alarmed at having received it. He responded by tossing it to Andy, who tossed it to Socrates, who tossed to Sherman, who ended up squished between it and the box, so it rolled in Andy's direction, who tossed it back to Calvin, who tossed it back to Socrates, who tossed it back to Hobbes.

"Er, chaps?" said MTM. "Might want to stop playing 'hot dimensional portal' and just work together."

Thankfully, they realized what he meant in time, and they all held it up over their heads at the incoming tsunami of monsters that came streaming straight at them. Calvin and Andy held it up while Hobbes and Socrates pushed against the back, thereby providing the much-needed opposing force when the momentum could've sent the orb flying out of boys' hands.

The monsters shrieked in anger and fear as they went flying back inside the orb, hissing and slobbering back into their home world.

One voice in particular was yelling out at them as it went flying past, and a big grey monster managed to hold onto the edge of the portal and stick his head back out a them, fury etched into every corner of his face.

"Hear this, Calvin!" he bellowed. "I'll be back, and then I'll take over this world, and my monster brethren and I shall rain down a never-ending - OOF!"

A skinny-looking monster wearing a dress and a wig came flying through the air and collided with him. "Oh, just let it go, you jerk!" he shouted at his fellow monster. "I never want to see this world _again_!"

They both tumbled away into the orb, along with the rest of the monsters.

"Who was that guy again?" asked Calvin.

"I feel like we fought him once, but I might be misreading him," replied Andy.

It took a few more moments, but at last, the stream of monsters ceased, and they all fell over forwards in the box, landing in a heap together.

"Phew!" said Socrates. "I think I actually managed to film all that!"

"Whoop-dee-do," grumbled Calvin.

They all went to their separate corners of the box, thoroughly exhausted after such a long harrowing adventure. They took a few moments to get their breath back and enjoy not being in horrible danger for a while.

"Man…," said Hobbes at last. "Glad that's all finally over."

A noise buzzed through the air like an insane lawnmower, making them all frown in confusion. Then, they heard a sound from beneath them that resembled bubble wrap being popped in rapid succession. To top it all off, there was a loud ongoing sound that resembled the quiet roar of an air conditioner.

Looking around, they discovered the lawnmower sound to be, in fact, a helicopter. More specifically, it was a news helicopter. Actually, there were _three _news copters, all buzzing around them in formation like angry bees. Several cameras aimed right at them, held by astonished news reporters.

The bubble wrap sound became more noticeable as the sounds of hands clapping. They peered over the edge of the box at what was happening on the ground. They could now see the huge crowds of people that were cheering, thus explaining the air conditioner sound. People were clapping and cheering for _them_.

Calvin looked at his friends in silent astonishment. It was happening. They had just saved the world, and people were applauding them, just like he'd always wanted. Their greatness had been witnessed. Their ability to combat evil and stop it could no longer be denied. Everyone on the planet now knew that they were heroes.

And it terrified him to death.

"They're looking at us," he whispered to Hobbes.

"That they are," his friend replied.

They sat in silence. The cheering continued. The helicopters kept on filming.

"Man, this feels weird," Calvin declared.

"No kidding," agreed Andy. "Way too many eyes focused on us right now."

"Aw, come on!" said Socrates. "This is going to get me so many likes and retweets!"

"Right, because _that's_ why we did all this," muttered Sherman.

They sat in silence for a bit longer. People continued to cheer.

Calvin peered over the edge again. Peering through the crowds, he saw the Brainstorm rocket, and not too far away from it, he could see the Brainstorm family. Then, looking in the direction they were going, he saw Dr Brainstorm and Jack, not to mention Jacqueline and… his _parents_?! Susie, Moe and Rosalyn were there as well!

And right in the middle of the group, being forcibly restrained by the two robots was… himself?!

"Evil clone, straight ahead!" he announced.

"Oh, thank goodness," moaned Hobbes. "Let's get back down there."

"Yeah, just one more loose end, and then we can call this adventure _finito_!" agreed Sherman.

Calvin steered the box in a wide circle over the city, deftly avoid the helicopters and making for the big buildings, hoping to make it look like he was flying away. In reality, he planned on defeating himself.


	20. Family Reunions

Calvin brought the box in for a landing in an alleyway not too far from where he'd seen his family, not to mention the entire Brainstorm clan. He and the others parked their vehicle against the wall, only knocking over a single trash can this time, and after tasking the MTM with cleaning up the mess, they climbed out and prepared themselves for the inevitable rush.

"Okay, let's all remain calm," he said nervously.

Andy frowned. "We _are _all calm."

"Just because everyone's finally seen us as the awesome world-saving heroes that we are, that's no reason to be nervous."

"We're really not," said Sherman.

"I mean, just because we're _finally _getting what we wanted is _no reason _to freak out!"

Hobbes cleared his throat. "I think _you're _the only one who's freaking out."

"Am not!" Calvin snapped. "I'm just… _extremely _rational! Like, _super _rational!"

Socrates pulled out his phone again. "Oh, look! Here they come!"

Calvin let out a shriek and bumped into Hobbes trying to escape, but his feline friend wouldn't let him.

Calvin's parents came running up first, clearly overjoyed at seeing him safe and sound.

"Oh, thank goodness!" Mom cried, scooping him up and hugging him tightly. "You've got to stop disappearing on us like this! Honestly, we're stressed out enough as it is!"

"Yeah, great, Mom," Calvin grunted, already trying to wriggle free. "I'll just make sure to let you know ahead of time the next time I'm abducted by aliens."

Dad joined in on the hug. "We're just glad to see you boys made back safe and sound." He glanced down at Hobbes, who was looking back at him. "_All _of you," he added, patting the tiger on the head.

Hobbes smiled. "Well, it's definitely good to _be _back."

Rosalyn and Susie walked up next, taking in the strange visage of two tigers walking upright and looking over them.

Seeing them coming, Dad cleared his throat and spoke up. "Susie? Rosalyn? You remember Hobbes, don't you?" he asked, winking as he did so.

Rosalyn opened her mouth to speak but could find no words. At her best customer's clear insistence, however, she found her voice again. "Oh! Yes, of course! Good to see you're safe… Hobbes."

"Why thank you, Roz," said Hobbes politely. Then he addressed the younger girl who was staring at him with a mixture of shock, fear and curiosity. "Susie! Always a pleasure, madam! Forgive me for not wearing a tie in your presence. Circumstances were out of my control, sadly."

"Oh, knock it off, fleabag," Calvin snapped. "You're still President of **GROSS**, remember?"

"Hobbes…?" Susie asked, still a bit awestruck.

"And you remember Andy, of course," the tiger continued, showing her the rest of the group. "And his hamster, Sherman, and our mutual friend, Socrates?"

"Nice to finally be formally introduced, young lady," said Sherman, curtseying before her.

"Charmed, I'm sure," added Socrates, holding out a few sheets of paper. "Now if you could all just sign these release forms, I can feature you in my vlog, which should be wrapping up in a few minutes. Seriously, it's a pain in the butt blurring out faces."

Andy rolled his eyes. "Socrates, come on…"

"Hold on a minute!"

Everyone turned to see Dr Brainstorm. He strode up with Jack and Jacqueline on either side of him, and they were hanging onto the Evil Calvin between them. The evil little clone thrashed about, trying to get free while simultaneously hanging onto the leash that was still attached to Moe. The schoolyard bully struggled to get free, but no one seemed interested in him at the moment.

Except Calvin, of course. "Moe, you've finally found your place in the world! Always knew you'd make it!"

Moe looked back in fury, but then he saw the real Calvin with his parents as well as the Evil Calvin, and his tiny little brain seemed to implode.

Dr Brainstorm approached the group. "Sorry to interrupt the reunion, folks, but we still need to figure out what to do with _this _little miscreant."

"What _can _we do with him?" Mom asked. "He's clearly too dangerous to be left anywhere."

"True enough," agreed Calvin. He signalled to the others, who nodded in response and fetched the cardboard box. "But not to worry. He's a clone. A duplicate. I'm sure you all remember the _other _times I duplicated myself."

Mom cleared her throat awkwardly. "Er, sure we do, yes."

Calvin climbed down to the pavement so he could look his evil self in the eye. "Of course, I've come a long way since then, and I know a better solution than just turning him into a worm."

Mom's eyes lit up. "Ohhhhhh…," she murmured, but she said no more.

Evil Calvin glared at him, and then he acquired a very sadistic grin. He jerked his arms downwards and took the two robots off-guard. The movement created some slack in their respective grips, and with a hard enough force, he got free and tore at his other self like a bullet. He knocked him to the ground, and the two Calvins rolled around the pavement, punching and kicking each other.

Everyone stared in stupefied silence as they realized something important.

"I don't suppose _anyone _was paying attention to which is which?" asked Andy.

"Well, I can rewind the footage later," said Socrates as he filmed the fight, "but I think a more immediate solution would be preferable."

"Just get the box ready!" said Sherman.

As they sat the box on its side and opened the flaps, the two Calvins finally collided with a dumpster. Calvin's parents quickly dragged one of them away while Dr Brainstorm and Rosalyn grabbed hold of the other one, keeping them part. The latter Calvin continued to kick and thrash, trying to get at the former.

"You think you can escape me?" the Evil Calvin hissed. "Even if you succeed in deleting me, I'll still be a part of you! I'm the darkness that lurks inside of you! You've known it all along! Bubbling just beneath the surface, waiting to get out! I'm - "

"Oh, _shut up_!" Calvin shouted, breaking out of his parents grip and grabbing his other self in a death grip. Using that momentum, he sent them both tumbling into the cardboard box that awaited them, and Hobbes and Socrates immediately folded the flaps shut while Andy pushed the drawn-on button.

_**UNBOINK!**_

Rosalyn made a face. "What the heck kind of sound was _that_?"

"Scientific progress," Hobbes replied.

They opened up the flaps on the box, and out tumbled Calvin. He felt a little dazed, but his individuality had been restored. "And done!" he said triumphantly.

"Calvin?" Mom asked worriedly. "Is it actually you?"

"Of course! Thank goodness I finally installed undo button! No more moral quandaries about what to do with a duplicate. Now they just merge back together with the original."

"Ignoring the fact that _this _duplicate was created by the Imaginator and _not _your actual Duplicator…," Hobbes pointed out.

"A clone's a clone. That's the beauty of it."

"It's really you, though, right?" Dad asked. "I mean… this isn't a trick?"

Calvin shrugged. "I don't really know how to convince you otherwise that I'm the original. You'll just have to trust me."

His parents looked him in the eye, then looked at each other, and then back at him. Then, they slowly started to smile. "Welcome home, son," said Mom.

Calvin smiled, and his parents hugged him again.

"FRANKLIN!"

Everyone jumped and whirled around at the sight of the enormous Mrs. Brainstorm waddling towards them, flanked by Mr. Brainstorm and Sheila.

Dr Brainstorm rubbed his temple, clearly dreading something. "Yes, mother?"

"Franklin, where did the monsters go? We were having a delightful time destroying the monsters, and then they just all disappeared!"

"Yeah!" agreed Sheila. "I didn't even get to rip one apart for further study! What gives?"

Dr Brainstorm glanced at Jack, who gave him an encouraging look in response, before looking back towards his family. "I had them all sent back to their home dimension," he said.

"You sent them _back_?!" Sheila exclaimed. "Frank, do you even realize what you've _done_? Are you so incredibly small-minded that you can't even conceptualize the consequences of your thoughtless small-minded actions?!"

Dr Brainstorm glared at his sister. "Sheila, would you please - ?"

"You just saved the stupid world, Frank! Like a stupid goody-two-shoes hero or something! What the ever-loving heck is _wrong _with you?!"

Mr. Brainstorm stepped in. "Now Sheila, please. I'm sure your brother had a good reason for what he did. Isn't that right, Frank?"

Dr Brainstorm nodded, obviously nervous. "Mom, Dad," he said slowly. "I… I'm not evil."

They stared at him blankly, so he decided to continue.

"I know this is a shock, us being a traditionally evil family and all, but… the truth is I don't think I'm evil. I've _tried _to be evil, mostly to make you all happy, and for a long time, I genuinely thought I _was _evil. Truth be told, it hasn't worked for me. I've been miserable. It's only thanks to Jack that I've been able to get through life at all. I know this isn't easy to hear, but it's the truth, and I just… hope that you can accept me being… _not _evil."

Everyone in the alley remained silent, staring at the mad scientist as he waited for his mad scientist family to respond to him.

Mrs. Brainstorm put her hands on her hips and shook her head. "Well…," she said at last, "I'd be lying if I said I hadn't seen this coming."

Dr Brainstorm blinked. "Really?"

"It just figures. I mean, you spend all that time with those _good guys _over there. They were _bound _to rub off on you…"

"What? Mom, it's nothing to do with _them_! I _tried _to be evil towards them! I'm just not… evil!"

Mrs. Brainstorm opened her mouth to say something else, but Mr. Brainstorm put a hand on her shoulder to stop her - making him one of the few people who could do that and live - before approaching his son. He put both hands on his shoulders and looked him in the eye.

"Frank," he said gently. "It took real courage to tell us that, and I'm very proud of you."

Dr. Brainstorm looked hopeful. "You are?"

"Yes, I am. I'll admit, this is a bit of a shock for us, and it will definitely be an adjustment, but we are your family, and we love you. If you're not evil, we'll learn to live with it." He gave his wife a firm look. "Won't we, dear?"

Mrs. Brainstorm stood there for a moment, her expression unreadable, but after a few seconds, she approached her son and pulled him into a hug.

"Awww, how sweet," said Mom, touched.

"Bizarre, but sweet," agreed Dad.

Sheila finally seemed to snap out of her stupor and find her crazy gland again. "Excellent!" she declared, making everyone jump. "With you out of the way, this is my big chance to finally take over the world!"

Jack rolled his eyes. "Right, because _Frank _was the one preventing you from doing that."

Sheila missed his sarcasm. "Correct! And now I shall make my move and proceed to take down the world's governments!"

While she was ranting, Jacqueline nudged Jack and tilted her head down the alley. Jack spotted the fan club, many of whom were groggy from being tranquilized, while others were clearly too exhausted to fight anymore. Larry, however, lead the group, obviously defeated, and his eyes lit up when he heard the younger Brainstorm yelling.

"I'll start by eradicating broccoli! Then, I'll buy Norway! Then, I'll use that to take over all the Earth's communications systems!"

"That's… brilliant!"

Now everyone turned to see the dishevelled battle-weary fan club, not to mention the stars in Larry's eyes.

"I see it now!" he was saying. "_You're _the one we should've been following! You're the leader who will show us the way to victory! You're the one destined for world domination! You're the one who is _truly _evil!"

"Or crazy," muttered Jack, but he was shushed.

"Lead us, madam!" Larry continued. "Lead us and your humble servants to _glory_!"

Sheila stared at him as his followers joined him in bowing down to her.

"... Okay, fine, but you are _not _living in my house," she said at last.

"_My _house," Mrs. Brainstorm reminded her sternly.

"Sheila be praised!" Larry declared.

"_She-e-e-e-e-eila_…," the others chanted in moved reverence.

"Why do I get the feeling that Sheila will renounce her evil ways in a few weeks as well?" asked Jacqueline with a smile.

"Something about working with those guys," agreed Jack. "Send them door to door, we'd eradicate all evil in a week."

As the chanting fan club followed Shiela out of the alley, the rest approached Dr Brainstorm, led by Ashely. She rubbed the back of her neck nervously, but the rest of the group nodded encouragingly.

"So…," she said awkwardly. "We were talking about going bowling later. I know we're not following you anymore, but you're invited if you're interested."

Dr Brainstorm looked surprised. He honestly hadn't been expecting that. "I… er… sure," he said at last. "Why not? Just maybe drop the whole 'master' thing? Kinda weird now."

Ashley beamed. "Sure! Absolutely!"

"Excellent! Go ahead and board the rocket! Jack and I shall meet you there!"

They nodded in agreement and left the alley.

Jacqueline waved goodbye to everyone and scurried after Sheila, with Mr and Mrs Brainstorm following behind them.

Dr Brainstorm looked over at Calvin and Hobbes, who looked back at him with smiles.

"So…," Calvin said. "What now?"

"No idea," Dr Brainstorm replied. "In time, I plan to sit down, figure out my next move, but in the meantime, it's time for some relaxation. What do you think, Jack?"

Jack shrugged. "We could do with a vacation."

"Agreed. Florida?"

"Theme park?"

"Swimming pool?"

"Waterproof swimsuit?"

"No family?"

"Ditto."

"Solid."

They fistbumped and faced the group.

"Well, this has been a most enlightening experience," he said to them all. "Thank you for helping me out of my funk and showing me my path. Best of luck with all of yours," he added, glancing at Rosalyn, who smiled back.

"We gonna see you again?" asked Hobbes.

"Perhaps. One day."

"Considering we all have you guys on speed dial, very likely," said Andy.

"True enough. Farewell, all. Jack - prepare the rocket."

"Sure thing, Dr Brainstorm."

Everyone stared at Jack in surprise, including Dr Brainstorm himself, who looked positively floored. The robot just looked at him expectantly.

"... Huh…," he said at last. "You know, when _you _say it, it just sounds weird. Call me 'Frank'."

"Sure thing, Frank."

And with that running gag finally laid to bed, the pair set off and vanished around the corner.

"Wow," said Calvin. "Never thought I'd see the day." He paused. "Man, how long was I gone?!"

Susie checked her watch. "Day and a half."

"Really? Felt more like five months."

"Twinky!"

Calvin groaned. "_Seriously_?"

Moe came storming up, his threatening nature overpowered by the tinkling of his jester bells. "I don't care _how _you made it look like there were two of you. That was still _you_ dragging me around, making me dress like this, making me eat trash from a garbage can!"

"Really?" asked Calvin brightly. "Man, I hope someone filmed that."

"Well, if he'd sign the dang release form, I could _make _that happen," said Socrates.

Moe didn't seem to notice him. "Too bad you made your dumb monster friends disappear," he continued, pounding his fist into his palm. "Now you got no one to fight your fights for you."

At that moment, he became aware of a shadow engulfing him, and he looked up to see Hobbes towering over him.

"I'd like to refute that statement," he said, baring his fangs.

"So would I," said Andy, appearing beside Calvin.

"And yours truly," said Socrates, joining the group.

"And moi," added Sherman, somehow managing to look intimidating.

"And most definitely _us_," added Dad as he and Mom stood protectively by their son.

Rosalyn stood by them as well and raised a challenging eyebrow at Moe.

Susie stood next to Calvin as well. "I think you'd better get going now, Moe. I believe you have an appointment in a few days to repeat first grade?"

Moe began to realize just how badly he was outnumbered. How the heck was it he being intimidated even by a hamster?! "You have to be alone sometime, Twinky!" he shouted as he backed away. "And when you are, I'll get you! I'll really - !"

Hobbes let out a growl, and that was enough to send Moe screaming and running all the way home.

Calvin couldn't help but smile at everyone who stood around him. "Thanks…," he said quietly.

"Anytime, little buddy," Hobbes said, tousling his hair.

"... I mean, not that you needed to. I could've taken him."

Everybody had a good laugh at that.

Then, they became aware of helicopters flying overhead, and then the sound of tires squealing and people barking orders filled the air.

"Looks like the news people are here," murmured Rosalyn. "No doubt expecting some kind of answer of how a seven-year-old boy in a cardboard box just saved the world with two tigers, another boy and a hamster."

"And a CD player," added the MTM.

They all looked down at him in surprise.

"Sorry, I was still cleaning up the garbage we knocked over. Did I miss anything important?"

"I'm just glad _somebody _finally called me a hamster," muttered Sherman.

Calvin stretched at his shirt's lack of collar. "Man, I always dreamed of this, but… now it's actually happening."

"It's going to be okay," said Mom reassuringly. "We'll be right there with you."

"All of us," said Dad, looking among the group. "Of course, we'll let _you _do the talking, seeing as how you know more about all this than we do."

Calvin nodded nervously.

Hobbes put a paw on his friend's shoulder. "You ready?"

"... Yeah, I am. Time to face the future." He looked up at his friend gratefully. "Thanks for being here, Hobbes."

Hobbes smiled back. "Hey, I'm always here. That's what friends are for, right?"

Nodding with determination, Calvin led the group out of the alley and into the flashing cameras and chattering reporters. People started cheering when they emerged.

Calvin glanced back at his parents, Susie and Rosalyn, who were keeping back. They nodded him forward. He looked between Hobbes, Andy, Sherman, Socrates and the MTM with a growing feeling pride. As the reporters began to swarm around them, he couldn't help but think to himself, _Man, second grade is gonna be a breeze!_

* * *

**Author's Note:** _One more chapter after this!_


	21. One More for the Road

_**A few days later…**_

The bright yellow school bus came to a halt at the curb, and Calvin jumped down the steps to the sidewalk, taking in a lungful of non-school air. After a long day of learning about second grade and what it had to offer, an afternoon full of cartoons and general laziness appealed to him greatly. He landed on the pavement with a smile, glad to see his home. After being so sure he'd never see it again, the sight of that middle-class two-story home gave him a great feeling of security.

Footsteps behind him alerted him that Susie was coming down as well. He stepped aside to let her down, and once she was by his side, the bus drove away.

"So…," he said.

She raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. "So what?"

Calvin couldn't help but smirk. "My parents mentioned how you apparently brutally tortured a monster for information."

Susie blinked, clearly trying to appear nonchalant despite blushing with embarrassment. "Did they? Well, I… I mean… It was just… You know, we needed information, and…"

Calvin's smirk deepened. "Always suspected you had a twisted side somewhere in there."

Susie glared, but then, he saw a twinkle of wickedness. "Yeah, what of it?" she replied.

Calvin shrugged. "I dunno… Might need your help again if ever someone needs the corkscrews put to 'em."

"… I'll think about it," she replied, a playful grin on her face, before she turned and walked home.

Calvin watched her leave, amused yet thoughtful. Imagine a situation where he willingly called on _Susie Derkins _for help. Still, stranger things happened - frequently, in fact. Shrugging, he turned and made his way up the walk to his house and ripped open the front door.

"_I'M HOME!_" A millisecond later, he added, "Oops."

He lost himself in a flash of orange, black and white, something wrapped around his midsection, and the world blurred as he sailed backwards into his yard, kicking up dirt and grass. He grappled with his assailant, sending them both rolling end-over-end until they collided with the shrubbery.

"You stupid mangy _hairball_!" Calvin shouted. "Get off of me, you shameless carnivore!"

"Seven years old, finally in second grade, and you _still _haven't honed those survival instincts!" Hobbes replied with a laugh.

The wrestling continued for a few minutes until they felt too exhausted to even blink, so they lay on their backs and looked up at the passing clouds.

"What do you think, Hobbes?"

"About…?"

"The future. I mean, I used to think that if we ever defeated our enemies, we'd finally be able to live in peace and quiet, have a happily ever after. But here we are, two of our greatest foes well and truly beaten, and the rest ceasing any and all evil activity, and it doesn't feel like anything ended."

Hobbes considered this for a moment. "Well, that's the beauty of it," he said at last. "The story doesn't end. We just… keep going. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep living until we reach our natural conclusion."

"I'm not sure if that's the 'beauty' of it. I mean, I'm going to be learning multiplication soon, and you know math is my worst subject."

Hobbes nudged him. "You know what I mean. Even if we run out of supervillains, we'll always have more challenges to overcome, and when we knock down all of them, we'll have _more _challenges to overcome. You get it?"

"I don't know, but I suddenly want to go bowling…"

"On the ball, as always. So, how was school?"

"Oh, you know, the public education system is a joke, but hey. Moe's still trapped in Miss Wormwood's class while I get to stay safe and sound in Mrs. Screwtape's."

"... Your teachers have weird names."

"She's still nicer, and so far, way less of a taskmaster. Plus, I couldn't find any whisky bottles in her desk, so I think she's a much happier person."

Hobbes gave him a teasing grin. "Do you still have to sit next to _Susie_…?"

Calvin crossed his arms defensively. "Yeah. What of it?"

"Must be comforting knowing she's there whenever you need her."

"Hmph! I'll have you know I intend to use my own knowledge for my test papers from now on! No more wandering eyes from _me_!"

"I see… Well, at least you'll have her for emotional support."

"Yeah… Wait, what?!"

This prompted yet another fight, and they went tumbling for a few more minutes until they collapsed by the mailbox.

As they got their breath back, Calvin laid out on his stomach and looked at the grass contemplatively. "There's still one thing that still baffles me."

"What's that?"

"The Entity. Why did it go to Andy? What made him so special? If it needed something to happen, why not come to us? Or Retro or Rupert? Why him?"

Hobbes thought for a moment. "I don't know…," he said at last. "Maybe it had to do with Andy being the first person other than you to see me."

Calvin nodded faintly, then frowned as his friend's words resonated with his brain. "What do you mean?"

Hobbes patted him on the shoulder. "_Very _long story, and I only kinda understand it myself."

"Huh?"

"Oh, very well. You got me. I don't understand it at all. But hey, maybe someday I will, and then I can explain it to you. Until then, I'm pretty confident it's not important anyway."

Calvin blinked. "Um… okay."

"See? It all works out."

They heard footsteps on the pavement, and they looked up to spot Andy approaching with Sherman in his hands and Socrates behind them.

"Looks like we missed a darn good tussle," remarked Andy.

"Not to worry," said Sherman. "With these two, there's bound to be another one in a minute or so."

"Feel free to join in, Vermin," Hobbes replied snidely, flashing his fangs.

"So what's the plan for today?" asked Socrates eagerly.

Calvin shrugged. "I don't know. After all the rush-rush-rush we've had these past few… however long it's been… I feel like just relaxing in this very spot for a while."

"Sound idea," said Andy, sitting down with him.

"Agreed," said Sherman, snuggling into Andy's mop top hair.

"What, that's it?" asked Socrates, sounding disappointed. "No battles to fight? No evil to vanquish? No chain letters to trace back to the source?!"

"Please don't bring that up," Calvin grumbled. "Not one of our best stories."

"We were so young," added Hobbes wistfully.

"But there must be _something _we can do!" Socrates complained. "I need something for my viewers! They're getting antsy! I need views, darn it! My advertising revenue is drying up!"

"My heart bleeds," Sherman muttered sleepily.

Andy looked thoughtful. "You know, it's weird, but I feel like I should go back to Egypt and see how those mummies who thought I was their pharoah are doing. Probably could have revisited that…"

Hobbes shrugged. "Eh, you know how it is. Some things get left hanging."

"I'll say," agreed Calvin. "Remember when we had to deal with that monkey? Man, that was a weird day…"

"Or the time we went to Dubai and absolutely _nothing happened_," put in Sherman.

"Yeah, but we got travel miles out of that one," said Andy.

"Oh, come _on_!" complained Socrates. "We're just going to do _nothing_?!"

"Nothing is pretty awesome, Socrates, you should try it," said Hobbes, enjoying the sun.

"Yeah, let us enjoy it. Preferably by not talking," added Calvin.

Socrates heaved a petulant sigh. "Oh, very well." He got down on the ground with the others and pulled out his phone, switching to camera mode. "Well, humble viewers," he said sadly, "I'm afraid this is where it all ends. The grand finale. The last page. The great-big-ending-thing. I thank all my viewers and subscribers who have joined me in my journey of self-discovery. Perhaps you shall hear from me again, working on cheap movies or writing a self-published book. Whatever support you've shown me has been greatly appreciated - even the annoying support. You know who you are. Anyway, my friends and I are grateful to you for sticking with us. Right, guys?"

The others stared blankly at him.

Socrates hissed at them. "Come _on_! Show your appreciation to the viewers at home!"

Calvin rolled his eyes and addressed the phone. "Okay, fine. Socrates' viewers: thank you for your continued support for the last however-long-Socrates-has-been-recording-us, because he's probably been doing this the whole time," he said, ignoring Socrates' affronted look, "and we look forward to _not _being recorded by him anymore because, frankly, we need our privacy."

"Yeah, seriously," added Sherman. "I spend all night editing out all the weird stuff he films."

Socrates frowned. "Wait… you edit my vlogs?"

"For the sake of your viewers _and _us, _yes_, I do."

"Socrates, just wrap this up, please?" sighed Andy. "We've got precious relaxing time to get to."

"Fine, fine," Socrates grumbled, readdressing the phone. "So faithful viewers, this is the last one for the road, but we are super-grateful to you. Our world has grown, time is moving forward, and we're all gonna grow up. But the evil has been vanquished, so the big exciting worthy-of-being-told part of the story is over, and now it's time for the too-boring-for-day-to-day-viewing part of the story, and everyone always skips that bit anyway. So from here to eternity, this is Socrates saying…"

He paused, frowning.

"Can anybody else hear that?"

The others looked up, confused.

Hobbes' acute feline hearing kicked in. "Wait… I hear something, too."

They all followed the tiger's eyeline towards the city on the horizon, and they realized the noise consisted of heavy footsteps and a loud otherworldly screech straight out of a Japanese monster movie. From behind the buildings, they saw a giant scaly lizard emerge, howling angrily.

Then, a familiar British accent cut through the air. "Emergency. Emergency. There's an emergency going on."

Calvin pulled the MTM out of his pocket. "MTM - what the _heck _is that?"

"Looks like a giant lizard monster."

"Yes, but _why _is there a giant lizard monster?!"

"Probably fell into our world by mistake via a tear in the space-time continuum. Happens a lot after Labor Day."

"Oh, how fun," sighed Hobbes.

"MTM - summon the wagon from the hypercube!"

"Roger dodger."

There was a flash from the MTM's side, and out spewed the little red wagon in a flash of light. It clattered on the ground before them.

"Everybody inside!" Calvin ordered. "Andy - attach the MTM to the back and activate 'fan mode'."

"On it," replied Andy as they all clambered inside.

"Calvin!"

They all jumped at the voice and spotted Calvin's mom standing in the doorway, looking concerned.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"We're going to go stop the monster, Mom!" he said, pointing.

Mom looked and saw all the cars driving past and helicopters flying around as the giant monster continued to stomp around and roar at everything around it.

"Okay, be back before dinner!" she said at last. "And _be careful_!"

"I will!"

Once the door slammed shut, Hobbes gave him a knowing look. "We won't be back for dinner, will we?"

"Eggplant casserole," Calvin replied with a look of revulsion. "MTM - fan mode."

"Aye-aye, captain," MTM replied.

As the giant fan extended from the CD player, Socrates' face lit up. "Oh, that reminds me!" He pulled his phone out again. "Sorry about the interruption, fans!" he said cheerily. "Looks like the good fight never truly ends! So don't worry about us! We'll be plenty busy! So be sure to like and subscribe, and as always…"

"SOCRATES!" the others shouted.

"Okay, okay, I'm stopping!" he grumbled, putting the phone away.

They rocketed down the sidewalk and into town, bearing down on the monster.

"So what's the plan?" Hobbes asked over the noise.

"I plan to wing it and see what happens!" Calvin replied.

Hobbes nodded. "Staying the course?"

"Playing to my strengths!"

And with that, Calvin and Hobbes, surrounded by friends and chaos, rocketed towards their next adventure.

_**THE END**_

* * *

**Author's Notes: **_And that's the way it is. A big thanks to everyone who has supported Swing and I through writing these stories - including the pre-rewritten versions, you brave souls - and we hope to see you all again someday. God knows what's going to happen next, but I'm just glad we've finished writing the story at long last. _

_Also, side note, because some have asked: no, Which Way is Where is no longer canon. Unless we decide to rewrite it, and if we do, it'd be with a different villain. But for now, it's not canon to the 'verse. _

_Anyway - thanks for wading through fifteen years worth of stuff we wrote. It's great to have the story finally over. Time to relax._

_See you in the funny pages!_


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